Lawyers perspectives needed: financial fairness in divorce

[Anothernony45]

In amongst the emotional turmoil of the situation I'm struggling to get a perspective on what, from an outside, especially legal/court perspective on what would be a financially fair settlement in this situation. Reasonable and wise might not necessarily be the same as legally fair.

My concern is the disabled child in the situation.

The two parties are now in their 60s. One received diagnosis of neurodiversity in adulthood. They had a child together by IVF, the birth parent is not a genetic parent. They did not cohabit at any point prior to marriage.

The child was diagnosed with neurodiverse conditions at an early age and has higher DLA and an EHCP. The child lived exclusively with the birth parent. The (neurodiverse) genetic parent spent lots of time with the child during their early years (with support) and received some care support on their own account via council direct payments. They worked part time for the LA.

This changed when the non resident parent relapsed into active addiction and the birth parent was advised by professionals to leave the area to stay with relatives (who also had care needs).

During this time the child had occasional, brief, carefully supervised contact with the non resident parent.

The marriage did not take place until a few years later following serious health problems for the neurodiverse parent and bereavement for the birth parent. The marriage broke down very quickly and the parties jointly applied for judicial separation less than a year after marriage.

The birth parent entered the marriage with assets, principally their former home which was rented out as they were living with relatives. The other parent left a privately rented flat soon after marriage. They had resigned their job due to health issues and had modest pension savings.

The health of the neurodiverse parent has further deteriorated due to further addiction relapse and they are now in debt.

The birth parent has received an inheritance.

I have slightly simplified the situation but I hope this is a reasonably accurate account.

If you have legal knowledge what do you think a fair financial settlement would be?

Would the long term needs of the child be taken into account? They are unlikely to achieve anything like full independence.

I realise more information is probably needed and some of the above is probably irrelevant - apologies - I will try to answer any questions to clarify whatever is relevant to the financial issues.

Not a lawyer, but would have thought as the marriage only lasted a year that the DH wouldn’t be entitled to much in the way of settlement, but obviously you will need to get legal advice.

Thank you @Lennonjingles

Do you have any thoughts on what would be fair, if you know what I mean. They are essentially a vulnerable adult without assets or secure housing.

The birth parent not being a genetic parent is legally irrelevant, they are the legal parent even if the DC was conceived via donor eggs. Whilst the marriage itself may have been short, it will be taken in context of what sounds like a long relationship preceding it, which will be considered in an asset split. If the inheritance was received after separation and never formed part of the marital finances then there’s usually an argument for it to be excluded from the “pot” for division, but this will ultimately depend on what else is available to split to allow each party to meet their needs following divorce: a court won’t see one party walk away with nothing whilst leaving pre-marital assets and inheritance intact for the other.

There are a lot of complexities here and it’s unlikely anyone can give you any meaningful view of what will be considered fair without a full view of the overall finances and each person’s needs - you’ll both need your own solicitors. Broadly, if DC is dependent on the parent they live with and expected to remain so, the settlement will be in recognition of those ongoing support needs and their financing, but unless your ex is likely to be amicable and pragmatic, I’d anticipate challenges as to the level of need and dependence they agree DC to have. Their own disability and vulnerability will also be taken into account in deciding their own needs.

I had to read that through a few times to make sense of who was who. The ‘birth parent’ is the mother as she gave birth to the DC. The other parent could be the father and sperm provider, or another mother who provided their egg. As they’re both in their 60s and had IVF I’d assume the DC now an adult?

This could be important information with regards to who’s entitled to what.

Yes @Soontobe60 DC is secondary school age, not adult. Apologies that it's not clear, I didn’t want to invent names and tried to make it as neutral as possible.

Thank you @ComtesseDeSpair. There was no cohabitation prior to marriage and the relationship was only rekindled shortly before the marriage but I very much take your point.

So did they plan the child while not married or even together?
Who is wanting a bigger cut of the assets?

Did the non birth parent adopt?
Sorry I can't work out if you are asking for non birth patent to provide maintenance for dc or non birth parent wants maintenance for them self

Did the non birth parent adopt?
Sorry I can't work out if you are asking for non birth patent to provide maintenance for dc or non birth parent wants maintenance for them self

Did the couple ever live in the birth parent’s house or was it rented the entire time?

Which is why you need your own good solicitor: they’ll be there to put the case forward as to the extent the relationship prior to the marriage should be counted. Whether there was cohabitation might be a factor, but presuming the child was conceived and raised in the context of a relationship, a relationship will be assumed to have existed.

Thank you @PamIsAVolleyballChamp. Fair questions but not all easy to answer.
Both parents are on the birth certificate, no adoption necessary.

I'm not sure how to answer your other questions but will try to in another post.

I do genuinely take your point and it's appreciated.

As I understand it the relationship would need to be continuous though. A gap of several years is relevant and it seems difficult to define a marriage as starting at the first pont when it was discussed by people resident in different counties rather than 6 months later when it took place.

The birth mother conceived via ivf .. using donor eggs and husband's sperm x