Separated but no other person involved - will question

[BeesUnicornPot]

I posted this elsewhere but I think legal is maybe the best place 🙏🏼

I’ve been separated for almost 4 years after a 20 year marriage.
There is no other person involved on either side.
We sold marital home, divided the profits and both have now bought our own homes, in our own names.
We share the children 70/30 with me being the main carer as I can work part time and they both have significant additional needs.
I get on very well with my separated spouse, it’s not ideal as having to end a 20 year marriage is hard but we do want the best for each other, so things could be MUCH worse. We actually get on better now that we don’t live together (and realistically because we see MUCH less of each other)
We had a conversation today about our wills, due to a family member having a sudden heart attack.
It occurred to me that we have nothing in place with regard to our wishes should either person pass away. I know he would make sure my house went to the kids and he’d look after it until that point but nothing is actually written down.
We don’t have anything in place regarding our separation so are still ‘married’ but there is no expectation (false hope) on either side that we ever will.
I don’t really want to involve solicitors more than we need to. Neither of us are interested in dating again but I do wonder what would happen if we did?
Anybody the point of the thread, do we go together to get our wills drawn up and also is it odd to do that? Or should it be done independently of each other?
Thanks in advance

Marriage is a financial union. Are you not planning on getting divorced?

I would do it separately and look to get divorce, even if amicable can cause financial issues later on if one were to pass.

Yes this is nuts. Get divorced and make your own will.

If you are still married and have no will he is the primary beneficiary under the intestacy provisions and would get the first £322k and half the rest. It is very important you have a will if you want to ensure your children benefit. You could leave your husband a life interest in the property if this felt appropriate. If you have no will he would be the main recipient. If he remarried, the new wife would inherit if he dies first (ie including what he inherited from you). Therefore you risk benefiting random woman and not your children without a Will. Even if he doesn’t remarry if he lives with someone for over 2 years then they would be entitled to bring a claim against his estate if not provided for in a Will. If you want to make sure your children inherit from you, you must put it in a will!

If you died, he would inherit everything. If he remarried and died, his new wife would get the lot.

You really need to sort a divorce and a will, for your children’s sakes.

I suppose we don’t feel the need to get divorced as there are no other people involved.

we are fully financially separate and there is no child maintenance payments etc.

Aside from it being unusual, why is it nuts? Sorry to ask, I really never thought I’d be in this situation and I’m so busy with the children I just about get through. No time to think much about it

I am separated, but not divorced. We have both written wills leaving everything to the children. I was advised that as we are still legally married, he could contest my will and me his, I suppose. But we trust that neither of us would shaft the children out of their inheritance.

Things are fine as they are until something goes wrong. None of us can predict the future.

Divorce doesn't only mean you are free to marry, it also means your ex would have no financial claim on your money or your property.

You should absolutely go by yourself and get your own will drawn up. You really need to use a solicitor because you have young children. Particularly when the children have additional needs, you need proper professional advice.

OP: you need to make a Will.

If you don’t your ex will inherit your house (for the most part) . Unless he immediately dies a Deed of Variation and gives it to your Dc, or subsequently gives it to them, he will be liable for all the financial disadvantages of owning a second home (council tax, Capital Gains tax on sale, etc).

Same for his house if something happens to him.

You both need to decide on guardianship for the children should kind of you die, and how you want that financed.

You both need a Will. It helps simplify and clarify things and ensure that that you plan happens

And this is the case, divorce or not

Oh: and men start to behave very differently once a new DP is on the scene and often do not prioritise their Dc. Seen it time and time again. So unless you leave your assets to your Dc in a Will it will all go to him and he can leave it to new wife.. who then leaves it to her own kids.

Thad has happened to 3 of my friends. All with Dads you would have thought were rock solid.

What will happen when you retire?
if you are only working part time and he full time there will be a mismatch in pensions. You an only do a pension sharing order on divorce.
You can do something called Resolution together where you each instruct the same solicitor to draw up the necessary documents. The divorce itself can be done easily online.

Get divorced and a financial settlement otherwise you can end up with all sorts of grief

Do it properly and get divorced. Urgh detest scenarios like this so messy and difficult storing up problems down the line that people like me end up untangling in extremis

I actually respect people that get divorced they’ve faced the issue resolved their affairs and can move on in life as free individuals. You are in a lazy mess.

My parents were in a similar position to you, they decided not to divorce because my dad didn’t want the widows pension to be sacrificed if he should die first. Not out of generosity, but out of a desire to maximise the payout from the pension.
They got solicitors to arrange a formal separation agreement, with an agreed separation of assets and an agreement to make no further claim on each other. Both made wills that because of the separation they were not leaving anything to the other.

I think "knowing" that he will make sure your house eventually ends up with DC is very naive. If he remarried it could well end up with his new wife and her children.

While you're still married, he will inherit from you, unless you write a will to the contary (or there's £££ involved, when DC wiukd het a portion). It may be that this could be contested in light of your separation, but who would do that? DC?

If he remarried after your death and trusts that his new wife will do the right thing, the house will end up with her DC. Even if he doesn't remarry, but has more children, your children will likely share their inheritance with them, if you predecease him.

You need a will.

Divorce isn’t just there for when other people are involved. Say you die with no will, he inherits everything, gets married few years later then he dies…. His wife gets everything. I would divorce and make my own will to protect the children

Your children deserve better from both of you in terms of financial security. Please ensure your wills are watertight, if you have death in service or life insurance make sure it’s payable to the DC. Not doing so can have all sorts on implications.