What is the Judge likely to say?

[maaataa]

I’ve written about my situation before. Undergoing a gruelling divorce which I haven’t got the legal funds to get advice for. Currently managing everything on my own and would be grateful for some advice. I’m not a ‘money’ person and my brain hurts thinking of everything. Sorry this is long.

Bought a shared ownership flat in 2015 for £370k that I put down £20K deposit for and I paid all legal fees. 2 years later, we staircased and I paid an additional £10k for all associated costs. At this point the flat was valued at £400k. Sold in £2022 and got £110k equity that we’d accrued. At this point, I took a 3 year break when at the height of my career from 2018-2021 to have children. He paid all mortgage and bills during this time. He insisted in fact (he’d been married before and advised to keep finances in his name so he could prove contributions if shit hit the fan as it later did for us).

Bought a house in 2022 for £640k using the flat’s equity as deposit. The STBExH paid in £25k by selling some shares. We bought at the height of the market post covid and house values have since dropped where I am and house is now valued at £580-600k- £610k max. Since then, I’ve paid for renovations totalling £45k and have fully furnished the house on my own.

After a prolonged history of DV, our 10 year marriage ended and he moved out on the 6th of Feb this year following me securing a non-molestation and occupation order (it expires at the end of this month) for him beating me in front of the children (aged 2 and 3). Since then, he’s turned off all financial taps- EVERYTHING has fallen to me- that includes mortgage payments £2500, nursery fees £2200, council tax £210, gas/electric £250, insurance £180, food £400, children’s clubs and fees £300 and everything else. On top of this, I’m paying £900 a month on my credit card (botched job from builders that I needed to put on my credit card). I don’t drive, drink, smoke or have any expensive hobbies.

After months and months of chasing, he agreed to pay me £950 child maintenance which I use to pay his share of the mortgage.

I earn £66000 (approx £3200 after tax)
Based on CMs calculations, he earns £7500 per month (gross?).

Mortgage owing on the property is £517,000

He has been an absolute bastard when it comes to talking finances and plans.

He claims to be in £45k worth of debt and homeless (he’s renting from family who are saving his rent to be paid back to him at the end of divorce so he can put a deposit down to buy his own house). He stands to inherit over £2mil from his parents, child-free relatives. They have land and assets abroad which no doubt will have been well hidden.

Mortgage is up for renewal in July 2027 and I’m shitting myself as he wants to come off the mortgage and I don’t earn enough to pass any lender’s affordability checks.

My job is currently at risk because I’ve struggled to concentrate due to the horrendous year I’ve had. My children seem happy after I’ve put in A LOT of time and energy to reassure them and keep things going as they have. I’ve recently had a cancer scare and I’m going to be seen at a clinic in 2 weeks for further assessment.

Wtf are my options? If I were to sell, I’d only be able to afford a 1 bed flat where I am. Rents are more than the mortgage I’m currently paying. I’ve reached out to charities, friends and family but there’s nothing they can do. I don’t qualify for legal and there’s zero goodwill coming forth from this man to help me maintain stability and security for the children.

I’m not going to lie, I feel suicidal.

Should’ve added, I’ve tried mediation through a family member and he’s agreed to let me keep the house provided I pay him £40K (from where?) and take on all expenses to do with the house. He’s agreed to continue paying me £950 child maintenance which I’ve not accepted.

Im almost 42 and perimenopausal and feeling really low atm. I’ve never relied on handouts. Have always paid my way and I didn’t expect to find myself on this side of the heap at this stage in my life! I’m a local authority worker and my pension is shit- postgraduate training and career break because of the children.

Last thing: I have full responsibility for the children (the reason for our divorce was different parenting styles- he couldn’t cope with noise or active children and would lay into them saying they were affecting his mental health. I was the opposite). He takes the children to school every morning and spends time with them during the day on weekends. He won’t want shared parenting of any sort as he can’t handle it.

I know this has been said in previous threads, and I'm sure you're sick of hearing it. But I'm going to say it anyway.

You can't afford NOT to get a lawyer.

“Mortgage is up for renewal in July 2027 and I’m shitting myself as he wants to come off the mortgage”

OP, surely you can’t think that you can get divorced and keep your ex-husband on the mortgage? The judge will look at your marital assets - it’s irrelevant who paid for what - and share them out roughly fifty-fifty. The court will consider what is in the best interests of your children - that is rightly their primary consideration. Frankly, OP, you NEED legal advice, even if you have to take out a loan to get it.

Dsis has just been through the family court system, older Dc than yours and disabled which hinders dsis ability to work.
House bought before by dsis before she met exh.
Court was a nightmare, all the court was interested in was a clean break, no consideration for disabled dc or exh extravagant lifestyle with his new partner or dsis being unable to work.
Straight split, no consideration for dsis owning the house before they met or the fact that he hasn't paid a penny on the mortgage in the past 6 yrs.
Now this is only my dsis experience so it may be different for you but I'd brace myself if I were you.
It's a different world in court, they don't care about you, your circumstances or who bought what to the table.
I'd prepare to lose half and start planning your future.
Don't sink into a pit of depression, you're tougher than that, start planning for your new life, whatever that looks like ❤️

You really need legal advice.

I’ve just put rough figures into a UC calculator and you’d qualify for about £940 each month towards the childcare.

If you can’t come to an agreement & you can’t afford legal costs, then go to you need to ask the court to decide. They’ll want to see evidence that mediation has occurred you’ve got a MIAM exemption. My DP is doing it all himself without a solictot & using ChatGPT & online resources following this process;

📌 STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE

STEP 1: Apply to court using Form A

What is it?
Form A is the official court application to begin financial remedy proceedings.

What to do:

• Complete Form A – Notice of (intention to proceed with) an application for a financial order

Include:

• 3 copies of Form A
• Covering letter (optional but good practice)
• £275 court fee (payable by cheque or card)

Send to:

• The Family Court where the divorce was handled
• Or the nearest Family Court dealing with financial remedy (use: https://www.gov.uk/find-court-tribunal)

Timeframe:
📅 Court usually issues Form A within 1–2 weeks.

STEP 2: First Directions Appointment (FDA)

What is it?
The court sets a First Directions Appointment (FDA) — a procedural hearing where the judge checks if financial disclosure has been exchanged and if more information is needed.

You will receive:

• A Notice of Appointment with a date (usually 12–16 weeks from Form A issue date)
• A standard directions order, including deadlines to:
• Exchange Form E (financial disclosure)
• File a Form G (stating if FDA can become FDR)
• Prepare Form H (costs estimate)
• Submit a Chronology, Statement of Issues, and Questionnaire (optional if disclosure is full)

Forms to prepare before FDA:

• Form E (your partner must complete and send to court + respondent)
• Form G (can FDR go ahead?) – tick no if her Form E still hasn’t been received
• Form H (cost estimate for hearing)
• Chronology & Statement of Issues – outline key dates & outstanding matters

Timeframe:
🗓 Must exchange Form E and file the other forms at least 14 days before FDA.

STEP 3: If no Form E from her — court can still proceed

If the ex-wife still hasn’t served her Form E:

✅ The court may:

• Proceed anyway
• Order her to file it by a set date (“unless order”)
• Make adverse inferences (assume she has assets or is hiding income)
• Penalise her in costs

🛑 Important: Your partner must fully comply (Form E, deadlines, attendance), even if she does not.

STEP 4: Financial Dispute Resolution Hearing (FDR)

If both Form Es are in (or the judge allows it to proceed), the next hearing is the FDR.

Purpose:

• Explore and encourage settlement with judge’s guidance
• Judge cannot impose an outcome, but gives strong steer

If no agreement:

• The case is listed for a Final Hearing

If no engagement by her:

• Your partner can ask the court to make a clean break order based on his evidence alone

Timeframe:
📅 Typically 8–12 weeks after FDA

STEP 5: Final Hearing (if required)

If there’s no agreement by FDR or she continues not to engage, the court will hold a Final Hearing.

• Your partner submits witness statement + updated Form E
• Judge makes a final order (likely the clean break he is seeking)

Timeframe:
📅 3–6 months after FDR depending on court backlog

What are all the assets you own together? The house. Any savings, investments, cars, and most importantly, pensions?

If he has a very good pensions, could it be offset with the equity of the house, giving you about £80k?

You would then be able to look at what you could afford with a £80k deposit and whatever you can get for a mortgage.

The judge will prioritise the housing of the children. If they are still small, they might consider a two bed sufficient. You need to look at the cost of the average 2 bedroom or 3 bedroom if you want to insist that it is an absolute need for them. Look at share ownership too.

The judge will most likely want the house sold if you are not in a position to pay the mortgage on your own. The only reason they could decide that you keep it and you get spouse maintenance to pay the mortgage is if you are in no position at all to be able to afford to buy or rent a two bedroom home.