Child arrangements order following non mol

[AmberV]

Hi, I need some advice, I issued a non molestation against my husband for emotional abuse to myself and two children, also physical abuse to our son. This is in place until May next year

If he were to apply for child arrangements order, does anyone have any experience on how much court/solicitor fees would be ?
cafcass would have to be involved and other relevant parties. How much am I looking at?

Is this the best route or could I go the mediation route to determine what contact looks like? what if I don’t agree with what the mediator proposes?

I have no idea about any of this.

thanks in advance

You will have to have an initial meeting with a family mediator before you can even consider going to court. Whether mediation can go ahead depends on the terms of the non molestation order. Does it say anything about not applying in case of resolution intervention?

If mediation go ahead (both are willing to try it, which the court would expected granted it doesn't contravene the term of the non molestation order), you should be entitled to the government voucher of £500 towards mediation.

The mediator won't propose anything. You bring up the issues for discussion. They will just help you considering options moving forward that both of you can live with. If you can't come with suggestions going forward, then you have other options, such as mediation with solicitors, using an arbitrator, but these would more costly. Or court.

vivainsomnia Thanks for your reply. It didn’t say anything about it on the non mol about not going through mediation, I know in cases where there has been abuse they say not to go this route but the court way is so costly and I do not get legal aid. It also worries me if cafcass say that me son is to see his dad, what if he doesn’t want to, then I’m legally bound to force him to go. I really don’t like that idea. At least if we don’t go court route if he doesn’t want to see him he doesn’t have to.

Would I be best to pay for an hours legal advise with a solicitor or just find a mediator near me when the time comes?

Father is pushing for contact but the children are still having intensive counselling. he really did a number on us all and messed with our heads, my daughter who’s 11 is really struggling to accept that her dad physically abused her brother who’s 9. My son is certainly in no rush to see him again any time soon.

No if you have a non mol due to domestic abuse then mediation is not recommended, and you absolutely don’t have to do this before going to family court. You can’t mediate with an abuser.

Investigate whether you qualify for legal aid asap, and then let him take you to court. Use legal aid to get a decent barrister - not just a solicitor although one of those as well (apologies solicitors, I don’t mean you are ‘just’ a solicitor just a recognition that these are different roles with different expertise). Ask for supervised contact only and supervised FaceTime calls if it comes to it. You are safeguarding your children against abuse so severe that a court agreed he is not allowed to come near you.

Edit - I would be pushing for indirect contact only though (letters and cards etc), and only if that’s the least I could get away with. (Sorry I saw you don’t get legal and and that’s really frustrating because DV normally qualifies you for this, and you are advocating for your children, who did experience physical abuse.)

OldGothsFadeToGrey Thanks for your message/advice. My son really is not bothered about seeing him again understandably. My daughter is completely in denial about what’s gone on even though I read her letters back to her and played her videos of what had gone on, she’s not allowing herself to process it. She was her dad’s golden child and was treated completely different to her brother. She wants to see him but I’m reluctant to agree to this until she starts working through what she’s witnessed, I don’t think it’s healthy for her to bury all this stuff, it is having repercussions on her health and mental state too

You’re replaying your daughter videos of your son being abused because you don’t think she’s taking it seriously enough?? At the age of 11?

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister No not of either of them being abused just two video of what her dad was like with his demands of them.

But she’s 11! You shouldn’t be replaying her videos of that.

You don’t know our situation and everything that has gone on, I did what I felt was right at the time, rightly or wrongly. Noones perfect and makes right choices all the time.

@AmberV You cannot let your understandable anger lead to you, in effect, abusing your DD! What you’ve done isn’t acceptable. You are supposed to make decisions in the best interests of DD and you seem to have acted out some sort of revenge on her! What a dreadful position you are all in.

You shouldnt be required to do mediation due to whats happened.
I went to court with no legal representation, as did my ex. Cost me nothing at all.
Cafcass did a section 7 and court agreed with their recommendations. The whole court process took more than a year. Cafcass spoke to everyone involved in our lives, GP, support worker, IDVA, pre school. They also do second level police checks if necessary

@Yellowcakestand Thanks for this. Can I ask were you happy with the outcome of the courts/cafcass decision ? What if the court says that he should be allowed supervised access and my son does not want to go, do I have to make him? Did you take anyone with you to court like a mckenzie friend or did you just look up what you needed to do or did you not need to, was it straightforward enough once you got there? Did you have to speak much ? Do they tell you what you need to take with you to court each time? Sorry for all the questions

When he submits the c100 he will tell the court through that paperwork what he is asking for. You will get a copy of that form and will have to submit a position statement about what you feel is appropriate and why ahead if the initial hearing. The hearing will decide what happens next. If there are welfare concerns identified the court will order CAFCASS to complete a section 7 report.

CAFCASS spoke to the relevant agencies/child care settings. Interviewed myself and ex, as well as DS and visited my home. They then submit recommendations to the court. You can then both respond to these recommendations by submitting written statements to court.

It can be a lengthly process.

I wanted no contact.
Ex wanted every other weekend friday-monday, overnight during the week on weds, every fathers day, his birthday, every other DS birthday and every other xmas eve to boxing day & new years.
He hadn't seen DS for 2 years. We had a restraining order in place.

He got indirect contact by way of letter or card 1x per month maximum.
DS was 5 then. (was 2 yo when we split up). Its now 5 years down the line and no contact from ex for a long time now. It was sporadic then disappeared altogether.