Good afternoon.
im just wondering if anyone has any helpful insight into legal aid for family court.
Ive found a solicitor that can do legal aid, however it states on their page that certain evidence is required.
I have not seen or spoken to my child’s father in over 7 years, after he decided to ‘rescind all visitation rights’ his words to my solicitor back then.
we broke up and divorced due to domestic abuse. However I never disclosed anything specific to anyone at the time, so there’s no statements or anything. And we divorced on grounds of adultery, as he didn’t want unreasonable behaviour to be on the documents.
social services were involved, and they told me if we stayed together I risked having my children taken from me.
I was so mentally broken back then that I actually believed I and my reactions were to blame. However after years of counselling I now know what reactive abuse is.
We had a CAO made about 10 years ago, and it was never good. Though when he had a new child contact gradually broke down.
7 years ago I stopped contact after my child was upset, saying she just didn’t know who to believe any more. Which came out of the blue as I had made it a point to always address and conversation and questions about their father with ‘I really don’t have an answer, but I know daddy loves you’.
Some questions later I find out that he had been telling my child awful things about me. Some true, some an exaggeration and some complete lies, but all not appropriate to be telling a child.
Immediately after stopping contact, I went to my solicitor to arrange mediation to ensure he was not talking to the children inappropriately, but instead of attending mediation he rescinded his contact with them - through signed and dated letter to my solicitor.
fast forward 7 years
my children recently disclosed that he used to hit them and shout at them (his shouting isn’t normal shouting, but makes you feel like you e been punched in the face).
and whilst that did a lot to ease my guilt for stopping contact 7 years ago, I feel awful for not recognising the signs or for not really considering that if he was abusive to me that he would be to the children too.
i disclosed this to my counsellor who decided to contact social services, however none of the children disclosed anything to the social worker.
There father has more recently decided he wants to see the children again, and has been contacting them directly.
he’s turning up at my house to take them out and im being left feeling very anxious and concerned. With what I can only describe as PTSD, which I should probably talk to my GP about.
my children are also very anxious, as they want to have a relationship with him, but they are worried about asking me if they are ok to see him based on my reactions. And he is also not agreeing to see them at set times.
I want to go back to court to amend the CAO, so that we have specific times that he will see them. I’m hoping it will make it easier for me to deal with, and stop the children from feeling anxious and stuck in the middle of a problem that shouldn’t be theirs to deal with.
I also want to see evidence that he has done the supposed counselling and anger management that he has told the children he’s done.
it’s been 7 years and I like to
think people can change, however his other younger Children’s mother had a non-mol order against him a few years back…. So I’m doubting a lot.
I know given my history I should get legal aid. But I’m worried about my lack of evidence. Is it all my word against his?
I can’t afford the legal fees, and do not feel confident to go to court without legal counsel. But I can’t keep living on edge, panicking all the time not knowing when he just going to turn up at my house or when the children are going to drop what feels like bomb every time they ask if they a free to see him the following day.
sorry, that’s a lot 😬