Starting divorce proceedings, it could turn nasty. Need a handhold x

[cherrypie90]

So, I've been provisionally accepted for Legal Aid and have an appointment to speak to a solicitor tomorrow. He's a specialist in the field of divorce.
I imagine the initial conversation will be for him to gather my documents etc to confirm whether I'm definitely eligible for Legal Aid.

If I am eligible for LA, then I intend to start divorce proceedings. People around me all believe it should be a fairly straightforward case but I'm still really anxious about it.

I've been separated from my husband for almost 8 years. I left him as a result of DV and his aggressive, volatile temper. Our baby was a year old at the time and has remained with me the whole time.

Husband was convicted at trial of attacking me in front of our baby in a public place. Evidence was overwhelming, including CCTV.

Husband is from another country and was removed from the UK following his conviction. He'd be living here on a spouse visa so this became void when I revoked sponsorship.

So, he was removed around 8 years ago and our child and I have lived in hiding ever since (husband has a lot of friends in the UK and he's from a culture where friends would do "anything" for each other). The threat of harm to me and abducting our child would be a possibility if his friends ever found us. :(

Anyway, my child is safe and so I am. I've take great lengths to ensure this, including a move to a new town, changing jobs and not using social media etc.

Husband was incredibly abusive towards me and I can imagine he'd be furious if/when served with divorce papers. I'm scared this could trigger some kind of rage, whereby he might ask his UK-based friends to find me/our child and so some harm.

I know the solicitor would keep my address/whereabouts confidential in the divorce paperwork, but I'm still scared that it might unintentionally get out.

Husband is "blacklisted" for 10 years from the UK due to his criminal conviction so I know there's little chance of him personally getting back into the country, but the thought of his reaction to the divorce papers is making me feel sick with dread.

A few years ago he messaged me out of the blue, saying I "had" to attend court proceeding in his country as he was seeking divorce. I refused (believing it to be a trap). He then said the court in his country need my residential address to send paperwork too. Again, I refused and said used my PO BOX address, but he kept pushing for my residential address. I said no chance. He then gave me a Gmail address, asking my to liaise with his "lawyer". I didn't. I looked into the divorce process for his country and I didn't need to be there at all. He could have quite easily got divorced without any input from me.

So, chances are he's no officially divorced under his country's law. That's fine for him as he said was planning to re-marry. But this still leaves ME married under UK law, which obviously I want to bring closure on.

Anyone else been in this situation?

Forgot to add:
I've bought a house in my own right about 5 years ago and I also have a couple of pensions. Obviously, I wouldn't want him laying claim to any of these. He doesn't know about them and had no input whatsoever. We never shared any assets or finances. Our only "joint" asset is our child, but child was a young baby when I fled the marriage. Father has never shown any interest or paid anything towards our child.

I just want to say well done for getting yourself and your child away from him and safe and making a life for yourselves. You sound like a remarkable and resourceful woman and I totally understand why pushing this forward is frightening but you're doing it and you will be free of him.
Definitely here for a handhold.

Oh, and fingers crossed for the legal aid and that the solicitor is a good one and one that you can have a rapport with. 🤞

How awful that in the UK in 2025 that this story isn’t ‘outing’. Terrible state of affairs but I would trust the legal aid / divorce solicitors have navigated this type of situation many many times and will follow appropriate safeguarding protocols

what i took from your post was that you worry about the disclosure of your whereabouts.

This has happened accidentally in my experience, so the best i can say is keep your eye on that issue and be very clear with your solicitor and any court paperwork in big capitalised letters that you are at risk from family members, of his.

Honestly, I would change your names by deed poll and name your child as benificiary of your pension and your will. I wouldn't even go down the divorce route.

I wouldn't do this, better to divorce and sever the legal ties.

Despite making a will, as her spouse he could later on down the line pop up and make a claim on the OPs estate if he tracks her down. It would leave the daughter having to sort out the mess and defend the estate.

Not worth taking the risk of keeping the ties.

I've not got anything useful to add. But I'd like to say that you are one brave lady and I wish you and your child all the very best in the future. X

I want to say the same. Best wishes to you and your child.

You will have to disclose all assets to get a financial agreement as part of the divorce. He can come back for a share of your assets at any later date if you don't have a financial agreement.