Any help or advice please ?

[Imbluedalale]

Hi there, I think I have posted in the correct section but if I haven’t then I do apologise.
I really need some advice as I honestly don’t know what to do .
Sorry if this is long and rambling but I’m trying to add as much information as I can.
I did a previous thread last year asking for a hand hold . Basically I was going through cancer , ex was abusing me psychically and emotionally and he threw me out and made me homeless. Whilst homeless I had a breakdown and went to stay at a crisis house .
Anyway, I havnt spoken to my ex since the day he threw me out , 7th October last year . The agreement that we agreed prior to him kicking me out was that we could go 50/50 custody with our youngest. He’s 13. So one week with me the other week with him. He has a bedroom here as it’s 3 bed and his sister lives with me .
I pay for my son’s breakfast club at school, his school trips , but his clothes and toiletries and send him the odd tenner here and there .
My ex is being very difficult and won’t let him come here on 50/50 and will only let him come if I pay for a taxi which is £50 return .
The issue is that universal credit have now stopped my payments for him, added on a bedroom tax and fined me and have also reduced the amount of rent they pay . They think I am playing the system but that is not the case at all, my ex is still trying to control me and by stopping my son coming here when he should . I am worried sick , I’m not sleeping well anyway as was having trauma therapy and my FND has flared up in my arm again (I got this from cancer treatment).
Please if anyone has any advice .
I would like to add that my mental health team and support worker have written a letter confirming the DV . As I did read that you are exempt feom
bedroom tax if you have fled DV .

What does your son want? His wishes will be considered. Have you done any type of mediation?

Are you well enough to look after your son now? If so, and your ex isn't playing ball, you will need to go to court.

My son wants to be with both is us . He wants to see me and stay here . I havnt taken it to court because I dont want to put him through that . He’s very sensitive like me. And I’ve had no contact with ex and won’t have either so mediation is not of the question

Yes I am well enough . I’m in remission now . My mental health is also a lot better although this last week has made it worse .
Even when I was going through my cancer treatment I still did everything for my children .
My sister is a social worker and told me they would ask my son who he wants to stay with and I can’t put my son through that because it would upset him too much

Im afraid the only answer is family court. You can't force your ex to agree anything without a court order.

Your sister isn't quite right they dont just get a social worker to say who do you want to live with. If necessary they work with children to understand their views. Surely its more traumatic for the current situation to endure.

Are you working with any DV charities? They may have support workers who can help.

I havnt forced my ex to do anything , he hasn’t done anything we have agreed .
He’s from the travelling community and doesn’t follow the law .
I can’t take it to court because of several reasons .
Yes I do have a support worker and a mental health team .

How far away are you? Can you not take public transport to go and get him? How long as he not be coming?

It seems you have two main options.

1. Continue with the current situation which is as you described. You don’t see your son and you lose eligibility to any benefits or aid associated with him living with you. This isn’t good for his development or your mental health.
2. Start action to formalise and enforce the “agreement”. This will be difficult and time consuming. It may not change anything in terms of who the child lives with.

Since you are saying 2 is out of the question then he will remain resident with his father. Unless he makes a CMS claim you don’t need to pay for anything or send money. It’s up to you to make arrangements to pick him up and drop him off.

You can’t really expect to be paid benefits as though he was living there if he isn’t living there and that isn’t going to change.

He has been coming . He stayed all week last week with me and will be staying week after next for the week.
The issue is ex isn’t following through with the 50/50. He also takes him out of school without my consent using the ‘traveller law’.
I could get him yes , but it’s 3 buses there and 3 buses back which would be difficult because of the difficulties I have .

I will never not see my son . That isn’t an option.
I did drive before but because of complications of the cancer treatment I’m not able to drive for 12 months .
Also I will always provide for all of my children no matter what .
He’s meant to be living with me 50% of the time . And I don’t expect anything but thank you for you advice

I wasnt suggesting you've forced him to do anything! You've clearly been incredibly strong and brave in getting out in one piece! I meant that without a court order there's nothing you can do without him agreeing.

Im so sorry for you.

I’m sorry if I came across as rude that wasn’t my intention.
Even with a court order he wouldn’t follow it , he doesn’t follow any laws and somehow gets away with everything.
It’s so long winded what’s happened so I'm probably not making any sense.
Thank you for your advice