Is there a solution to this?

[Lambswools]

I'm a comfortably off widow, and own my house. Have adult DC.

I've been seeing a man for a couple of years and after initially saying I'd never love with a man again and never marry, to protect my assets for DC, I find myself at a stage where maybe living together might be good. It's only really finances stopping it.

He's not as well off as me, but could go halves on a house, if he took a mortgage. I could pay my share cash (if I sold my house).

So, who would that work? Presumably the mortgage would have to be in joint names if the house was, so I'd own a larger share? Or we should set things up so I do? I don't love that idea, preferring things to be equal. I.e. I'd like us both to putt he same in and own 50/50.

Then what happens re my estate? I wouldn't want him to be homeless of I died(or to have to move at short notice) , but equally, I wouldn't want my DC having to wait decades for their inheritance (he's a bit younger than me).

OTOH, losing DH has shown me that maybe you should just live your best life in the moment and not worry too much about these things....

I should have said that if I sound luke warm about it, it's because atm I'm just thinking about what might be possible, not actually planning to do it!

If the mortgage is in both names you're both jointly liable. Would you feel comfortable knowing that if he stopped paying, you would have to?

Could you buy a smaller place together without a mortgage of any kind? You could then specify % ownership.

You need a WATERTIGHT will too. I wouldn't get married as any joint asset would go to him, not your dc. I understand you can specify the house ownership so that your % goes to your dc - not sure if it's joint tenants or tenants in common.

It would be WELL worth taking an hour or two of independent legal advice so that you can protect your assets and your dc eventual inheritance.

I was pondering this with a friend having a similar dilemma the other day. She’s going to look seriously at the possibility of two smaller houses, very close to each other. That removes much of the financial and legal difficulties, and some of the emotional chaos that might result if children are involved. There’s also less possibility of beginning to resent his sloppy washing up, or whatever.

My grandparents' friends solved this by building two semi-detached houses, with a connecting internal door, which was later bricked up. They could live together whilst maintaining two separate, independent households.

Buy as tenants in common not joint tenants. You own?% outright and he owns?% on a mortgage.

Leave your % to your kids giving him the right to live in the house for 2/3/4/5 years, or until he marries, if that is sooner.

@Lambswools I know of a case where two people bought 50:50 tenants in common and one had a mortgage on their 50%. As pp say you need a deed of trust and a will.

I think you need to live you life and do what makes you happy.