Seperation and sorting out mortgage

[Mike2025]

Hi i need some advice.

My long term partner recenty walked out on me and and now wants to seperate. We bought a house together only 1 year ago and have now started disucssing how we resolve this.

i have remained in the house. My intention is to buy her out. We only have £25,000 equity in the house and her mother put £12,500 of that as a gift deposit( dont think we had a gifted letter but also no agreement to pay it back). She then put £5000 and i put £5000.

i have been paying 65% of mortgage since and her 35%. Her mother is demanding £18500 for her to be bought out and taken off mortgage.

i cant afford to give her that. The mortgage will only allow further borrowing of £5000 and i only have £3000 savings.

i also do not want to sell and move out the house and i can afford to take it on my own.

Now as we only have £25000 equity, if we were to sell we would lose £10,000 on esrly repayment charges and just general costs of selling, leaving us with £15000 which would be split 50\50 giving us £7500 each.

This is the amount i have offered to buy her out, £7500. They are still demanding £18500 which is an amount they would never get.

1. where do i stand with this as i dont want to sell?
2. can they apply for court order to make me sell and me incur her solicitor costs?

i have a child living with me 50% of the time nad has done for last 14 years (child not hers but is mine and she has helped bring him up for last 10 years).

Any advice would be appreciated

Call their bluff. Offer 10k final offer if not you’ll have to sell and they will lose 2.5k or maybe more.

This is the amount i have offered to buy her out, £7500. They are still demanding £18500 which is an amount they would never get.

While it’s true that it’s an amount they would never get, their perception is that between them they contributed £18,500 to the house and they ‘only’ want that back.

If it was me in your position:

I would accept that it’s highly unlikely they would believe me about this. They’re going to think you’re trying to barter them down so you can keep the house and their money in retaliation for her leaving. Whether it’s true or not, everyone believes their own narrative.

You look to engage the services of a third party who can offer independent clarity or a financial mediator who can try and find a resolution.

I think I would call their bluff and say, it can’t be done, you’ll need to engage the services of a solicitor. At that point, paying for a solicitor to be told there isn’t much of a financial settlement to be had will probably sharpen the mind somewhat to what you are offering.

Agreed. At this early stage I can understand why they don't want to subsidise you to stay in the house, when it was only paid for such a short time ago and you're not (I assume) supporting young kids.

Presumably she could force a sale anyway? Regardless of the 'letter of gift' or whatever, morally I'd be looking to make sure the mother was repaid.

I do think you’re being unfair. So she put in £17.5k ( counting her mothers) you put in £5k but you’d like to keep £17.5k effectively and give her £7.5k?

Can you consider paying her back longer term? Second job on days your child isn’t there?

I agree that you are unreasonable. Her mum was kind to offer the amount so that you BOTH can become owners. She owes you nothing. You need to repay her the full amount one way or the other. You can then negotiate when to give your ex her £5,000 or not...but either way, don't punish and gain from her kind mum.

This isnt really about punishing anyone i still deeply care about both ex partner and mother. I just cant afford to give them £18,000. The most the bank will allow to further lend on the mortgage is £5000 as they wont go above 90%. I only have about £3000 savings. I have also been left in difficult situation of my bills increasing by £800 per month.

The reality is i cant afford to pay £18000. And should we go down another option such as house being sold they would get no where near that anyway.

So im stuck a little bit as they will also want to seperate and sort this out quickly. And sadly in life when people sign up for these type of things and then decide to bail 6 months later, there are consequences to those actions not set by me, but just life in general and how mortgages work etc. Why should i feel the complete brunt of all those consequences when its either not fair or not really my responsibility to

I think you should give her mother the 12k and her original 5k back, and the equity (not interest) she has paid in. You should take out a normal loan or pay this in installments if you can do it now.

If you don't she might just move back in, she has every right to. She also has every right to charge you occupational rent at market value which will be expensive for you.

Remember she has now lost her first time buyer rights and discounts and will have to pay high stamp duty next time. And her mum has given her all she can afford for a deposit? Her mum won't be able to help her out again?

What's her incentive to accept your offer? Lose out on money and gift you a lovely house paid partly by her mum? Or lose out on the same money and give the money to the taxman instead? I would rather my money went to the NHS than helping out a stingy ex.

Just because she's broken up with you, don't steal her deposit. Be grateful that you have a stable home you can afford and work out a way to pay her back even if in installments.

So ex and her mum lose out on 17k plus all the money ex paid into mortgage? While ex is homeless and parents budget for helping with a deposit has been taken by her ex boyfriend? How unfair and awful

It's not just you feeling the consequences- she is homeless and has no deposit for a new home as you're sitting on it. I agree it's not unreasonable to get you to find the money out of thin air but you owe it to her morally, so should pay back over time in an affordable way.

Other ways of raising funds - how many bedrooms do you have? Rent out a room to a lodger could get you 500-800 - this could partly cover your higher bills and go into a bit to quite quickly (within a couple of years) make up the difference to pay them back

Houses go down in value too and if 15k equity is all that will be realised after selling everyone will lose money anyway.

Unfair and awful I agree but it doesn’t change the facts that buying a house comes with financial risk. If they want the money out immediately this maybe their best option. Or sell, everyone takes the percentage of the equity relevant to their individual expenditure and role the dice and hope for as much equity as possible to be realised after the sale and all costs.

So im stuck a little bit as they will also want to seperate and sort this out quickly. And sadly in life when people sign up for these type of things and then decide to bail 6 months later, there are consequences to those actions not set by me, but just life in general and how mortgages work etc. Why should i feel the complete brunt of all those consequences when its either not fair or not really my responsibility to
Well it's always a risk when you buy a house together, so you could say the consequences are those of the choice you've made too.

Ultimately, you could agree that you stay in the property until the end of the current mortgage and pay the mortgage, you sell at the end, so no penalty. You repay her mum fully, you then share the equity, maybe 40/60 to you depending on how long the current mortgage is for.