so, in a nutshell. my son is 2 years old.
me and his dad weren’t ever together but were fwb for a long time.
i got pregnant and he was (at first) very supportive. he then became flakey and i saw a really spiteful side to him. we were on and off seeing one another whilst i was pregnant. we got into an argument and he got in my face, screaming, pushed me up against the lift wall by my throat. (i never called the police but did a clares law and found out he has a history of physically abusing women.)
when i was at his just before this, he showed me a large machete he had under his bed.. i cut ties with him. kept him at a distance and updated him on the pregnancy.
fast forward to the birth. he came, fell asleep and only woke up as my son was coming out. when he did, he wasnt breathing. he had to be resuscitated and i was bleeding out. a traumatic and hellish situation. he walked out. he left without saying a word. he didnt get in touch for 3 weeks and his first attempt to reach out was him saying “well, are you going to speak to me?”
we met and he was useless, refused to help financially and said hed just bring down some supplies once a week? i said no, not good enough. and he flipped on me saying im ungrateful. he disappeared again for 2 months.
i wont bore you with the other 3/4 times hes done this. but on occasions we did meet, he was on drugs.(cannabis)
(one time we were supposed to meet, he messaged me at the time we were supposed to meet saying he would be late.. because his girlfriend has smashed up his flat.. )
in late 2023 we went to mediation and he said im an addict (im not, he is) my mums an alcoholic. (mine isnt, his is) (my mum is a global vp for a large american security company and lives in a private estate; his mum is a child absuing, drug addict on benefits) we came to an agreement outside of mediation and cancelled it, our agreement lasted 4 weeks before he disappeared again.. in early 2024 we met again, things were going well until he applied to courts, on his application he said..i dont let him see him. (he was seeing him once a week at this point) im a drug addict (i am not, he is) i am abusive (im not, he is) - at this point i stopped meeting him because ???? (i felt genuinely scared, i was anyway but it was so peculiar and unexpected. it made me fear about his mental stability and trustworthiness - what was his intention here? why was he throwing me under the bus and lying? hes always been unpredictable, i didnt want to find out.)
he put me through hell, social services got involved and thankfully they saw i wasnt a danger to my son.
i showed them abusive rants he has sent me, the times he let us down, i was drug tested, i was inspected, my house was inspected and so was my son.
the court date comes.. he doesnt show up.. it was rescheduled and he didnt turn up again. (this was mid-late 2024)
he has popped back up over the last few weeks sending weird messages and banging on about paying me money.. life insurance and whatever else.
my main concern is my sons safety, i dont want him near him at this point. for his physical and mental wellbeing. so i do not respond. can this be used against me?
i dont know what the right thing to do is… i know whats right for my son and he isnt that. children need security, love and stability.
i feel guilt for having a child with a literal psychopath/narcissist. i am scared he will get custody and hurt him to hurt me, get out of paying child support (which he has been very creative in doing so far)