Situation: Have 1 DC with now ExH, we split when DC was a toddler (DC is now 11, school year 6). Split due to ExH violence, control and abuse which was proven in criminal court but not in family court. There was court order giving me residency until DC was 8, when ExH took me back to court and was awarded 50/50, despite DC not wanting it, and ExH doing nothing bar have DC overnight.
DC is in receipt of Disability Living Allowance for speech and communication issues, sensory issues, dyslexia, dyspraxia and a mobility issue. I receive the DLA and Carers Allowance but am court mandated to share DLA, CA and Child Benefit with ExH – what that means in reality is I have all the restrictions, but only half of the money to make up for those restrictions. ExH insists DC does not need DLA, doesn’t have a disability and has threatened the school if they do not remove the support plan they have in place. DC hates going to dads, and is counting down the days until they’re 13 and able to say no to going.
50/50 is in a week on, week off pattern, hand over is on a Friday but I do see DC most days due to appointments, and therapies they have. I also pay for all equipment related to their disability, all school uniform, all trips, all activities (DC does 2 out of school activities that help with both their mobility and their speech) and all costs bar clothes and food for ExHs house – anything that goes to ExHs house related to DC from mine ends up in the bin so DC has stopped taking things including medications.
Last week DC got suspended from school for the 4th time this school year. It was justified so I am not arguing about that, as were all the previous times. All suspensions have happened during ExHs weeks with DC, and school have said DCs behaviour during my weeks with them is a lot calmer, they also have all the relevant equipment, PE kit and even money for extras which they do not get with ExH, DC has forgotten PE kit in every week ExH has had DC this year.
Last weeks suspension because it was ExHs week to have DC meant DC was taken back to his house. And I haven’t seen DC since. ExH already doesn’t let me speak to DC when they’re with ExH (despite DC wanting to) and is now saying I am the reason DC keeps getting suspended and I need to transfer the DLA and CA to him because DC lives with him now. He will let me have DC once per month with no overnights if I transfer everything over. He wants me to sign transfer forms to change DCs school for September to one near him (DC is currently at a Middle School but he’s asked for them to transfer to a high school near him).
I have spoken to my solicitor this morning, and we’re getting the ball rolling but it could be a few months for even an urgent court hearing. She has advised me to keep the DLA, CA and Child Benefit in my name but continue to share it as the current order recommends. She’s also advised me to carry on making plans for DC for my weeks with them even though they may not be there because it looks better to court that I was still planning for DC to be with me.
I am panicking, I have a holiday booked with DC for the 2nd week of the summer holidays and it looks like DC might miss it thanks to their dad. They also had a birthday party 2 weeks ago during my week that their dad came to and he made a scene there in front of DCs friends parents (he told DC off loudly for something really minor, then took DC home from the party (on my week) early because of their behaviour – it really was fine, other children where behaving similarly and their parents where dealing with it the same way I was, it did not need DC leaving early).
What are the chances of getting DC home even for 50% of the time again? My solicitor hasn't said what she thinks will happen, but she has told me not to sign any paperwork for DC and make sure the local authority and all other authorities nearby (if relevant) have a copy of the current CAO so that they're aware it's a 50/50 split and therefore I have a say.