Page 2 | 20 year old DS has just got a DUI

Hobsons123 · 2025-06-26T08:51:10+00:00

Can anyone advise what we need to do & the likely outcome of my 20 year old DS's DUI please? DH & I are currently on holiday abroad & have had a call from my parents that he was pulled over by the police in the early hours of the previous night. He was driving his brothers car (that he's not insured on) without the lights on & when they breathalysed & swabbed him he tested positive for marijuana. He was taken to the police station and gave a blood sample. I know he'll get a ban but we're desperately worried about him having a criminal record. He's only just finished university & is graduating next month. Is there anything we should be doing?

AluckyEllie · 29/06/2025 23:49

Driving under the influence, at night with no lights on. he realise how lucky he is not to have
killed someone. Idiot.

Paulrn · 01/07/2025 15:55

It will affect his ability to travel he probably won’t get into the US or Australia for a while.

catin8oot5 · 01/07/2025 16:14

He’ll get a minimum of a 12 month ban that can be reduced by 25% if he does a course, and a fine.

it will stay on a basic DBS check for 5 years and on standard and enhanced DBS checks for 11 years.

catin8oot5 · 01/07/2025 16:17

prh47bridge · 26/06/2025 11:41

For driving whilst under the influence of drugs, assuming marijuana is the only drug they found and there was no alcohol, this will be a category 2 or category 3 offence depending on how much it was affecting his driving. The minimum he will get is a fine and 12 months disqualification, the maximum is a high level community order and 28 months disqualification. Where it will fall within this range depends on which category the offence falls into and any aggravating and mitigating factors present.

If he is also prosecuted for driving without insurance, assuming he wasn't involved in an accident, he can expect a fine and 6-8 points.

I'm assuming his brother won't report him for taking the car without consent. If he does, that will add to the penalty.

Pleading guilty at the earliest opportunity and showing remorse will help to minimise the sentence. You may want to consider employing a solicitor to plead mitigation for him.

If he is convicted, these offences will appear on any DBS checks for 11 years. However, an employer should only refuse to employ him if the offences are relevant to the job. If the offences are not relevant, an employer would be breaking the law if they refused to employ him. I'm sure some employers do break the law in this regard, but many understand the rules and comply with them.

If a role does not require a DBS check, he will only have to disclose these offences if specifically asked. Contrary to what is said by another poster, this does not depend on the offence. It depends on the sentence. A disqualification is spent when the disqualification is over. A community service is spent when the period of community service is over or, if the order does not specify an end date, 2 years from the date of conviction. As with DBS checks, an employer can only legally refuse to employ him on the basis of these offences if they are relevant to the job.

This is good advice but not fully accurate. All recordable driving offences have a five year rehabilitation period under the ROA (1974)

Berthatydfil · 01/07/2025 16:24

He is lucky he didnt have an accident and injure or kill someone.

If he is just about to graduate the he isn't a stupid person and should realise there are consequences to actions. The more foolish the action the greater the (potential) consequences.
He does need some tough love and appropriate support but that doesn't mean shouldering the consequences for him. I mean this kindly but he has to feel the consequences or it will just happen again.
Buy him a pedal bike and dont let yourself, your dh or other son turn into a taxi service for him.

Got to take a bus to get to work - oh dear, well heres the timetable, and this is how to buy a season ticket.

RosesAndHellebores · 01/07/2025 16:31

I am speechless. He deserves to be punished and to feel the impact of that punishment: drugs, theft, no insurance, no lights.

Am I the only person to be very very surprised you left a 17 year old in the UK with aging grandparents keeping an eye? It isn't much of a leap to imagine the boundaries in place for your boys. Had you been at home, perhaps the 17 year oldest car would not have been taken because you would have stopped it.

BellissimoGecko · 01/07/2025 16:33

RosesAndHellebores · 01/07/2025 16:31

I am speechless. He deserves to be punished and to feel the impact of that punishment: drugs, theft, no insurance, no lights.

Am I the only person to be very very surprised you left a 17 year old in the UK with aging grandparents keeping an eye? It isn't much of a leap to imagine the boundaries in place for your boys. Had you been at home, perhaps the 17 year oldest car would not have been taken because you would have stopped it.

Really unhelpful post.

You should be able to leave a 17yo while you go on holiday. Anyway, it was the older son - aged 21? - who took the car and drove after taking drugs.

Do you think parents should be at their dc’s side forever to stop them making mistakes?? 🙄

BobbleHatsRule · 01/07/2025 16:36

RosesAndHellebores · 01/07/2025 16:31

I am speechless. He deserves to be punished and to feel the impact of that punishment: drugs, theft, no insurance, no lights.

Am I the only person to be very very surprised you left a 17 year old in the UK with aging grandparents keeping an eye? It isn't much of a leap to imagine the boundaries in place for your boys. Had you been at home, perhaps the 17 year oldest car would not have been taken because you would have stopped it.

I'd have left my 17 Yr old with grandparents. 70 isn't old

RosesAndHellebores · 01/07/2025 16:37

BellissimoGecko · 01/07/2025 16:33

Really unhelpful post.

You should be able to leave a 17yo while you go on holiday. Anyway, it was the older son - aged 21? - who took the car and drove after taking drugs.

Do you think parents should be at their dc’s side forever to stop them making mistakes?? 🙄

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I think they shoukd not leave 17 year olds unsupervised whilst they go abroad. We received letters about this from our children's schools regularly.

BobbleHatsRule · 01/07/2025 16:39

@Hobsons123 this is a distressing time for you. It is his fault and he needs full accountability to learn, develop and grow from it.

Help him imagine a different scenario where he'd knocked someone down and killed them. Prison. He needs perspective to realise how lucky he is, rather than feeling sorry for himself. Then he takes responsibility by accepting the consequences

BobbleHatsRule · 01/07/2025 16:40

RosesAndHellebores · 01/07/2025 16:37

I think they shoukd not leave 17 year olds unsupervised whilst they go abroad. We received letters about this from our children's schools regularly.

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He's 20. Can you not read?

This is not the parents fault. Stop shifting blame.

jennygeddes · 01/07/2025 16:44

Is he covered to drive another vehicle with 3rd party cover under is own insurance? In which case he wouldn't have been driving without insurance if your husband says he had permission to drive the car. I don't know how likely he is to have that type of cover at 21 though.

BobbleHatsRule · 01/07/2025 16:46

You cant escape the issue of the DUI. That is a criminal offence

CarpetKnees · 01/07/2025 16:49

RosesAndHellebores · 01/07/2025 16:31

I am speechless. He deserves to be punished and to feel the impact of that punishment: drugs, theft, no insurance, no lights.

Am I the only person to be very very surprised you left a 17 year old in the UK with aging grandparents keeping an eye? It isn't much of a leap to imagine the boundaries in place for your boys. Had you been at home, perhaps the 17 year oldest car would not have been taken because you would have stopped it.

What a ridiculous and unhelpful post.

The ds is 20 (likely just about to turn 21 as he has finished University and is graduating). Most likely to have been living away from home for the past 3 years.
Of course he can be left.
As can a sensible 17 year old (they vary more, but it seems this one was fine).

AcquadiP · 01/07/2025 16:51

I know someone whose young relative was killed by a drug driver just last month so I'm afraid I have no sympathy. Thank God the police pulled him over before he was able to harm anyonelse or himself. In terms of his career, honesty is his best policy together with an admission that it was a monumentally stupid and reckless thing to do. Any job requiring a DBS check is going to be a non-starter I would imagine.

BobbleHatsRule · 01/07/2025 16:55

Re the daft side track into age....a 17 year old could be a parent, live alone, live alone with a baby...probably join the army (I don't know )

At some point they need to stop being a child. It doesn't happen at a particular age by magic. It's parental love and support but also hard lessons. Good parents will try and balance that hard lesson with support but not remove it completely.

I think a child who gets support to grow... beyond and into adulthood is blessed by that. I think a child who gets carried and cushioned is always a child.

Support and love your 20 Yr old but don't cushion too much from consequences. It could have been so much worse

JFDIYOLO · 01/07/2025 17:54

Anything you should be doing?

Yes, accepting that this adult has chosen to drive while stoned without lights or insurance and could have killed someone.

That it's a life lesson he will have to learn from, deal with and take the consequences on his own shoulders.

You'll be devastated, disappointed, worried, of course.

It's a shame it happened while you weren't there - but your parents aren't responsible for what this adult has done.

Are you all four of you seeing him as something of a child?

This shock is the best thing that could happen to him.

There are details of the implications further up the thread. He needs to start planning to take them into account for his next few years.

Livpool · 01/07/2025 17:57

HunnyPot · 26/06/2025 12:10

He's just finished his degree & now we're wondering if all that was for nothing.

He should have thought of that before he got behind the wheel. He’s incredibly lucky he didn’t kill someone. Be grateful for that.

Exactly - sorry OP but I don’t have any sympathy for him. He could have killed someone

BernardButlersBra · 01/07/2025 19:13

Not really sure what "contacting solicitors will do". He shouldn't have done it, he got caught, and their will be consequences

BernardButlersBra · 01/07/2025 19:14

Their = there

My sympathy is very limited. He's is enough to know better and you are allowed to go on holiday

C8H10N4O2 · 01/07/2025 20:16

@Hobsons123 You have good advice from @prh47bridge and @catin8oot5 I would only echo the value of getting good advice engaged quickly and tell him to show remorse/don’t make silly excuses.

He should be punished and he will be - at least a year’s ban and it will show up on checks for some time. However that isn’t the end of a career or clearability. His future is not over and nor should it be - the punishment is the loss of licence plus any additional community service, not a life sentence.

I have people at work with current security clearance and DV who also made stupid decisions at this sort of age, sucked up the punishment and stayed well out of trouble thereafter. It was a number of years before they could be cleared at higher levels.

Its perfectly reasonable to leave a nearly 21 yr old graduate home alone. Where is the 17 year old? I can’t see anything in the OP posts to suggest the 17 year old is at home as well.

In general by 16 I’d say you judge on a child by child basis. Two of mine would have been absolutely fine left with local emergency numbers/neighbours to call if eg a pipe leaked, one would have been borderline, better waiting another year and the other one - not a snowball’s chance until at least 17 and preferably 18. In many countries 17 is the default age for going to university or joining the forces. Its very much a ‘what is the child like” age rather than a blanket rule age.

C8H10N4O2 · 01/07/2025 20:16

Just realised the OP was posted last week - sorry probably too late for advice!

@Hobsons123 how are things?

Generaltwat · 01/07/2025 20:21

jennygeddes · 01/07/2025 16:44

Is he covered to drive another vehicle with 3rd party cover under is own insurance? In which case he wouldn't have been driving without insurance if your husband says he had permission to drive the car. I don't know how likely he is to have that type of cover at 21 though.

Edited

This is what my thought was too .

Ive been driving for 40 years and every policy I have had has states that I can drive other cars on a third party basis ( with their permission obviously)

CopperTray · 01/07/2025 20:22

Generaltwat · 01/07/2025 20:21

This is what my thought was too .

Ive been driving for 40 years and every policy I have had has states that I can drive other cars on a third party basis ( with their permission obviously)

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I don't think that is available for younger drivers

CaptainMyCaptain · 01/07/2025 20:24

Hobsons123 · 26/06/2025 10:22

We're in the UK & it was drugs (not drink). He took his brothers car without permission, his own car having a flat tyre. The car he took is actually in my husbands name although belongs to his brother. His brother is only 17 & currently a learner. He has insurance for his own car but not his brothers. We're absolutely furious about the whole thing & have talked to him at length about drink driving but hadn't really considered drug driving. We're worried sick about him having a criminal record when he's just starting out in life.

But he has to take responsibility for what he did himself. You can't get him out of this. He could have killed someone.