long time lurker, now struggling with my mental health due to what he’s putting me through. I’d appreciate any help or thoughts please. Please be gentle with me. I’ve had solicitor but find shes not doing anything and I don’t know how his solicitors conduct is allowed or if I should raise with SRA. I can’t see a way forward how to get out of this and if this level of stripping is of everything is allowed. The solicitor is charging so much for court that I cannot afford her. I can’t get legal aid. I don’t know whether to get a charge on house but he’s left me little as it is. He thinks he’s going to get nearly 70 percent. Doesn’t have the children.
I am basically being bled dry financially and cannot afford a solicitor now and feel in this horrendous fear and freeze state. I have stage 4 cancer and not really well enough to cope with the post separation abuse or process what on earth has happened to our lives. Have 3 DC up to age 13.
Ex left last year, claiming unhappy but introduced the children to OW within 4 months. Evidence of affair. There’s been abuse towards us, some physical, mainly emotional, verbal, psychological. I’ve declared this in proceedings and it’s going to fact finding. Assaulted one of children then blamed me and the child. Lost a job last year and blamed me. Pleads poverty and says is going bankrupt, but voluntary form E last year showed massive amounts of spending on himself and OW. You get the picture.
He moved two hours away to his home town. Sees OW half of week at least. Children didn’t want to go and there’s been abuse, he went court route as I cannot mediate with him. So now so far he cannot see children as fact finding coming. I am terrified of that. I felt drained doing DRA on my own.
There has been financial abuse. He’s not left me enough to get solicitor but just over £20k. With this I can’t go through court. I cannot pay bills and live long term. I am scared to spend anything beyond food as it will go eventually. When he left, he got a sports car, rented a house, went on a spending spree for months and months. Refused to petition then did months later. I didn’t realise how much spent on OW and it made me ill last year. I’m having cancer scans now as suspected reoccurrence.
So now he’s taken the children out of private schools, having pleaded poverty. I have children 100 percent of the time. They are distraught as we cannot stay here so I have to find schools for them here and schools somewhere else with about a quarter of the money this house is worth when we move. So at least two schools. He’s already put the younger two through two schools now at primary. Didn’t like the first. Threatened to take them out and put them in state if they didn’t work there. Horrendous parenting by threats.
he didn’t pay a penny of the mortgage so not enough equity to go round for both of us. Daughters mental health is so bad shes becoming withdrawn, and angry at me at times. The younger two are having DV help at school.
He is now demanding I return the car that is on a lease. Though he bought a car for nearly £20k outright when he left. How can this be allowed. Is it? I drive children to school, and need it to find a house. I use it daily. We are spending weekends wandering round areas trying to find somewhere new to live. I have friends here, an excellent cancer centre, a world renowned oncologist. He’s also demanding they don’t do any activities, sports, hobbies. Try telling that to kids who desperately need to play a guitar to cope with this, who live to dance at weekends and who has competed as shes so passionate about it.
Can he just seize a lease car when the lease isn’t up, because he doesn’t want to pay for us at all anymore? I can’t work. I have cancer. I don’t know how long I have to live or what will happen when we move. I feel claustrophobic where I grew up. I don’t have anywhere to go. My mum is looking into getting me a council house. I currently have a 4 bed small house where I’m living with the children.
He has taken a job at a third of his previous salary to get away with minimum maintenance.
His solicitor is bullying and intimidating me to the point it’s nearly made me consider taking my own life. My daughter is depressed. None of them want to see him again. He was abusive.
is he allowed to behave this way?? Can they bully and threaten to take everything and say there’s no evidence I have cancer when there is. Is this standard terminology or is this gaslighting? How do I get help please when a solicitor I instructed at £250 an hour is quoting £100k to go through court for finances and similar for children. I feel so scared. My mum contacted my MP to help as it feels there’s nothing and no one to help.
I struggle to even do form E. I paid a mackenzie friend and she took off with my money. .
can I deal with the car myself? Can he refuse to pay for insurance, tax, permits, demand I return it before the lease is up? It’s not due for return until next year. He bought a sports car and £8k train ticket while leaving me £20k total.
I reached out to his family last year and they won’t reply. The children don’t want to see them again. They’ve refused to call on birthdays despite me offering. I used to get on with them. I’ve known them nearly 30 years.
I cant believe any of this is legal, or admissible.
please can you help me. I sometimes feel like I can’t go on anymore. Every day I feel frozen, scared and the abuse is repeating itself in my brain. I have a non mol.
thank you so much.