Child Support

[TheLilacZebra]

Hello,

just looking for some help with a child custody case.

long story short, have been in a year long custody case for our baby. Negative drug and alcohol tests set back contact with the father.

Anyway, since the start of court ex has claimed he isn’t working to get legal aid due to an “injury”. Last week was first time court gave access to lift baby from my house and during this brief encounter he claimed he was unable to work and support any more money etc due to injury. He said he couldn’t even do an “everyday” job as his injury is that bad and sometimes his mum has to lift him when he’s out driving bc he can’t drive. And has now claimed he’s awaiting surgery to remove a bone in his hip to his hand.

I have proof he is working self employed, he used apps when we were together as a tradesman, and every week for the past 2 months at least he has been left a review for work he has done. Including a whole bathroom refurb in February.

my question is is this enough proof and what can I do from here? I’m really not after his money. I am simply tired of the lies. I’m having to fork out thousands for his mistakes, and having to go to court time and time again for each hearing to be set back due to his failed tests… it’s draining my bank whilst obviously not affecting him in any shape or form.

I would simply like it to be known he is working. Do I report him to benefits or to the legal aid team? Do I simply leave it and keep forking out thousands whilst also paying for a child single handedly?

I apologise if this is just a rant. I really am stuck for advice, my legal team say to go through csa and when it comes back low then I need to take him to court for custody. Something I don’t want to do.

any help would be much appreciated

If you have proof that he's working, you can report him to the benefits office, if your intent is to get him in trouble.

You can also ask CMS to refer to the Financial Investigations Unit - if you have solid evidence they should take this up.

I'm not sure why you're mixing up maintenance and contact. They are separate issues. And this makes no sense my legal team say to go through csa and when it comes back low then I need to take him to court for custody
aren't you in court now? Why would you apply to court for 'custody' (a term not used in uk family court) if he doesn't pay maintenance? They are totally unrelated.

I’m not muddling the two up, I’m sure a post late at night you could understand I meant take him to court for maintenance.

But thank you

My intent is to do whatever I can to stop him taking thousands of pounds which could be spent on our child.

He took no interest in our child and did nothing to see / provide for him the first few months. It was only when his mum “fell out” with me that I got the letter for court. This is all really for her to have contact (something I never stopped).

If he actually had to pay his own legal fees and not get legal aid, I know court wouldn’t be happening right now. I’m genuinely worried about the amount of money I am out. All whilst he makes at least £1000 a WEEK as a tradesman and gets all for free. He lives rent and bill free also. Doesn’t provide for his child.

it’s just a lot. Maybe it’s best to leave it and do nothing. I guess I’m just frustrated at this point with the level of deceit and unwillingness to provide for your own

What about a report with supporting evidence to

CMS
HMRC
Legal Aid

Agree with @JohnofWessex - they should investigate and hopefully ensure you get child support. He’s an absolute knob.

Hi OP … i’ve been in your situation x 4 kids… ex didn’t want to pay for his children/pretended he didn’t earn.. i have battled with CSA where he accrued arrears only to have thousands written of as an ‘historic debt’ when CSA changed to CMS….. he didn’t even pay me when he had to pay £7 p/w … he’s still in arrears over £2,000 now as a new debt with CMS… i pay the extra fee to get it directly paid to me but to me no avail… i have had the Financial Investigations unit involved countless times, i have notified all the relevant agencies … he has used the online tradesmen apps too…. he has turned up to see kids with work clothes on and was even trading as a new business with his name plastered across his work clothes… yet all this evidence is still not enough … the authorities/CMS do not care… i am literally handing them evidence on a plate and i feel like im banging my head against a brick wall as nobody listens… i have contacted CMS hundreds of times over the years and was always hopeful but still nothing was done… all i can say to you is hopefully you will succeed if you go through the courts as this is the only thing i have not tried but have now given up GOOD LUCK 🍀

I'm sorry but honestly you haven't made it clearer. You're talking about a year long custody case, and talking about maintenance as part of that. Then at the end you say your legal team have advised you to take him to court for custody if he doesn't pay maintenance. Aren't you already in a court case around care of the child?

I meant my legal team have told me to go through Csa and when it comes back that he “isn’t” working then to take him to court for maintenance. Apologies for the confusion.

and in terms of the court case for contact i was just giving a bit of context to the situation.

What an absolute tube.
They really do think children are raised on air.

I really don’t want to have to go the route of court, and it’s not that I want maintenance. I simply am frustrated that he gets his legal fees paid for when he earns a lot more than me.

I had to cut maternity short, go back to work at 4 months to pay for all the legal fees whilst paying child care amongst all the other bills and things a toddler needs.

He literally has no outgoings due to his mum supporting and aiding his behaviour all money goes towards drink, drugs and betting. Not to his child.

Like @revels1 said, I’m just not even sure any of that is enough or whether they would even investigate.

Yes exactly… they seem to think that the ‘government’ will pay what they simply choose not to… makes my blood boil… i am fed up of fighting for justice for my kids….like you i did not want his money either…. i just wanted him to be accountable.

He has to have his mum pick up our baby, I agreed in court that she was to supervise the visits, but judging when baby is returned it seems she does all “I feed him..” I this and I that.

LO has been unwell for over a week. I took him to the doctors on the Thursday and doctor wouldn’t give him medicine, he seemed a bit better so I sent to contact last Saturday. He threw up his breakfast and wouldn’t take the bottle, I had to explain to his mum what had happened. As he storms off to the car and doesn’t listen. (I was told by legal team not to sent LO if unwell but he was literally sick 10 mins before contact and I knew they’d be on their way)

fast forward this week, baby is on an antibiotic. I tried explaining this at the door again the dad stormed off and wouldn’t listen. LO had a bad throat and hasn’t eaten properly in over a week and a half.

its so frustrating he’s taking me to court simply so his mum gets contact. I reached out to her many times to be a part of her grandchild’s life but she didn’t want to know. They want to bleed me dry it seems.

The system is so unfair when it comes to child maintenance … i do not really know the system with regards to custody as my ex wasn’t fussed having them on a regular basis, nor his family… so i would just let the kids choose… but it used to wind me up that the CMS would class 52 days or over per year as ‘shared care’ absolute joke… it sounds to me like your ex is getting in a strop with you as he is going to get it in the neck from his mum if she doesn’t gain access to your child

Please do report him to HMRC and Legal Aid and DWP for benefit fraud.

You have nothing to lose by reporting him.

There is no point applying to court for maintenance just apply to CMS. You may not get anything for years whilst the fraud is investigated etc.

is it worth reporting him? I don’t want to go to the effort of doing that and them not to even investigate it. I’ve heard from people that work in benefits office that they’re only after “big” fish.

in terms of csa he works self employed if and when he pleases so our child would never receive anything that way.

in terms of evidence im not sure i have enough. When we were together he used a tradesman site under my email so I would get emails through when he done a job, he did a handful of these up until January then stopped. (He maybe realised I still had access to this given it was my email address he used) He used that site the day after court in January, where he stood and told the judge he had no money and was out of work due to injury.

Ive found him on the other tradesman site he uses. He has 13 reviews spread out from January - now. With 5 of them being in may alone. Not everyone leaves reviews so I would imagine he’s working more than that. Some of the jobs have stated in review bathroom installation too, which isn’t light work given that he has this hand injury that apparently requires surgery and he can’t drive because of it. Which is why is mum has to lift our son for contact.

this is the first week he has had our child for 3 hours, he is working up to 6 hours until the end of June then we’ll have another hearing.

they dropped off about an hour ago, again couldn’t stand long enough to let me know baby is okay. I’m not expecting whole conversations I despise them, but I am willing to be more than civil for our child’s sake. I’m sure it’s confusing for him being handed over in silence. Plus with him being unwell in general is it too much to ask to know if he was okay / did he eat anything? Given he hasn’t been eating and the health visitor told me to keep an eye on his eating.