Rewriting our wills now the children are adults - any tips?

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We are about to rewrite our news now that the kids are adults. Any tips on things we should consider before heading to a solicitor?

The adult kids still live at home, although I assume they will both have fully moved out within 3 years. We would like to set aside enough funds to cover the house costs.

We would like to pass money from some investments to some other family members, but others we have a distant relationship with, and I'm not sure how to deal with that - we don't want to offend people, but don't wish to share the money evenly. Hopefully, we will reach a stage when we can pass on money during our lives but we're not there yet.

I was told never to state precise sums of money as over the years things can change massively. Also be very careful of charities. They are relentless in chasing for money. I had an Uncle who left a sizeable amount of money to the Dogs Trust. They hounded the Executor almost weekly as to progress.

With regard to the elderly parents refusing to do POA’s - I told both parents I wouldn’t help them unless they allowed us to do them. I know it sounds very harsh. I ask them exactly what they wanted with regard to special requests etc. Who they would like the Certificate Provider to be and then it was all signed. I have mentioned before on threads that with elderly people you need boundaries. It’s not all on their terms because as I know only too well. They can choose of course to live how they wish but the consequences of those choices over the years are almost always on their children to resolve.

If the estate is divided up to dc where is the money for the schedule of wishes coming from?

Wouldn’t that class as coercion?

PoA is supposed to be done from free will with no pressure. there’s supposed to be someone who checked they’re not being forced or coerced to co-sign.

refusing to help if they don’t do one is coercion to me.

having seen a PoA turn out very badly- again a child saying to parent I won’t do x and y if you don’t sign it, turning into full on financial abuse and coercive control, I am wary.

i think I would prefer an old style EPA rather than lasting. As that was how it happened, once registered the abuser simply presented to the bank and removed every penny. Even though competent the donor couldn’t do anything as now they are completely reliant on the attorney, to the extent they can’t even leave the house, let alone get to the bank to check what’s going on.

If you state £1 per 17 relatives then this £17k will come out of the estate first.

you have no idea what costs you may incur prior to death. If you end up in care homes it will cost you on average £20k. If it’s dementia care or nicer than big standard it can cost £100k a year. Easily. If you are in the care home for 8 years each that’s a shed load of your assets spent.
or you may have some catastrophic house crisis where you incur hundreds of thousands in costs and legal fees.

better to state that if your estate is valued at over a certain sum then Your other relatives will get that £1k.
specific bequeaths get paid out first.
your dc may not end up with much

Not really, he used a shop bought template when he only had 2 grandchildren and had always talked about leaving a bit to the gkids and most of his money to us.

@ParsnipPureei would expect two adults to have wills stating the whole goes to the surviving spouse but on sale or death each half goes to respective children equally. However I wasn’t really musing about spouse and children I was thinking of ‘others’ as in nieces/nephews and other indistinct members of the family

We have no children, but two nephews. The vast majority of our estate will be left to them, with other, nowhere near comparable but not insignificant amounts left to our cousins' children, and some charity donations.

Is that so strange?