Rewriting our wills now the children are adults - any tips?

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We are about to rewrite our news now that the kids are adults. Any tips on things we should consider before heading to a solicitor?

The adult kids still live at home, although I assume they will both have fully moved out within 3 years. We would like to set aside enough funds to cover the house costs.

We would like to pass money from some investments to some other family members, but others we have a distant relationship with, and I'm not sure how to deal with that - we don't want to offend people, but don't wish to share the money evenly. Hopefully, we will reach a stage when we can pass on money during our lives but we're not there yet.

I have been through this and been through the receiving end of an inheritance.

Are you planning to leave equal shares to your children (please say yes!). Has the house been paid for? If so then once you go the house will be sold. If you have additional savings then those can be used for ongoing costs. Probate forms will expect you to estimate the value of the house. Presuming that your overall estate is under £1m. I know you won’t be here but try and tell your kids that they need to hit the ground running and don’t over price the house. Price it to sell.

With regard to the rest of your estate. Leave your money to whomever you like. Don’t discuss with those people.

Don't leave a set amount to other relatives when you don't know what kind of care costs might be involved in the future. Don't tell those people they might receive an inheritance, either.

Maybe leave cousins or whoever a percentage of the total inheritance instead.

Write down a fixed sum for distant family members. Eg £1000 to each of my nieces and nephews (Annie, Ben and Clare). If there is potential for more nieces and nephews to be born, do include them.

after that, you can just say that the remainder of my estate should be divided equally between my 3 children…

leave if to them to sort out which bits come from investments v house sale etc. it is all cash in the end.

you can add a separate “letter of wishes” for any small bequests, eg. My sister Lucy gets my gold earrings.

I agree in not being tied to specific amounts to beneficiaries just in case there’s not enough money to go round if the investments fail. You could say “£1000 or x% of the remainder of my estate after all necessary costs and tax, whichever is lower as at the date of my death”. Then Remainder of the estate to be devided equally between the children.

I never understand all the angst about wills. Why would you leave anything to anyone other than your children? Ours says 50/50 to our 2 boys. That’s it.

The problem with doing this is that there may well be nothing left for the children.
My DF left a small amount (£500) to each of his grandchildren (10 of them) and the rest to be shared between me and my siblings. After funeral expenses, there was only £5K left, so it all went to the grandchildren.

From the talk of investments plus house in the OP, it seems likely this will be a large estate. Of course it might all go to care home fees, but maybe the OP needs to discuss possibilities with a lawyer.

What doesn't seem to have been mentioned so far is how you own the house.

You can own the house as "joint tenants" where you both equally own the whole house (just like a joint bank account).

Or you can own it as "tenants in common" where you each own a separate and distinct 50%.

If you own the house as joint tenants then the house automatically passes to the surviving spouse regardless of what any will might say.

So, if your DH were to pass away first then you would get everything and it would be quite open to you to get involved with a younger gigolo and then leave everything to your young lover when you eventually pass away so that your children get nothing.

I'm sure that you wouldn't do anything like that but you do read stories on MN about that happening.

Likewise, you could pass away first and then your DH remarries and leaves everything to his new wife. Again, plenty of stories on MN about this as well.

If you own the house as tenants in common then you can leave your 50% share of the house to whoever you like. What normally happens is that your share of the house is left in trust to your children and the surviving spouse is given a lifetime interest to live in the property.

So, if your DH were to pass away first, then you could still give your 50% of the house to your gigolo but you couldn't give your DH's half of the house to him. Likewise if you were to pass away first then it would protect 50% of the house going to any new wife.

Another aspect to consider is that, although relatively few people do actually end up in care, there is always a possibility that one of you might. Owning a house as tenants in common will protect 50% of the house from care fees if one of you ends up going in to care.

Because the amount we would give to other close relatives, although not huge, would be life changing for them.

Absolutely agree. My last remaining parent died when my sibling and I were both young adults. Everything split 50/50 between. That was it. I will be leaving everything to my kids split evenly

Do not write your will yourselves.

Write a list of how you want things passed down and take it to a specialised solicitor.

in much the same way as I go to a dentist and don’t try and drill my own teeth (or get advice on the internet on how to do it) this is what specialist estate solicitors are for. I know it seems simple but there are hundreds of years of case law and numerous statutes underpinning even the most “straightforward” aspects of a will.

OP you say the money would be life changing to your relative - is that the situation now or when you die in 320, 30, 40 years time (or however long)?

We are leaving everything to our children. My parents will is split 50/50 between me and my sibling with our children inheriting our share if we die before our parents.

So in a second marriage for example one would leave nothing to one’s spouse?

make the solicitor as executor, especially as you have mentioned some uneven bequests

*consider how to benefit survivor. If all directly to them, it could all go to a new spouse or on care home fees. If they remarry and don’t make a new will, old will revoked and new spouse is primary beneficiary under intestacy rules. Children accidentally disinherited. There are regular posts on here about this. Consider a life interest trust for survivor.

*are children responsible enough to inherit large sums? Could they waste the money? Be easily lead? Drugs, alcohol, divorce? How do you know? Consider a trust for the children. Trustees could control release of funds eg for house deposit, uni etc.

*consider IHT: you don’t say what your estate is worth but bear in mind that from 2027 the intention of the government is that most pension pots will be subject to IHT. This means that many more estates will pay IHT. With a house, investments and pensions included, it’s not so hard to get to the £1m max allowance. also consider IHT in your children’s own estates. Using trusts can stop paying IHT on both your death and then again on their death.

one thing you. It’s do if you have specific bequests is to state ‘if the value of my estate is higher than xxxxxx’ and then put your specific bequeaths otherwise due to care home fees or unknown circumstances you can end up with the special bequests being honoured and next to nothing left you the dc.

Depends how long the marriage has been. 30 years or 18 months

But maybe that's what he wanted his priority in his will was to think of his DGC.

Or even in a first marriage.

I think it's nice to leave a letter for each DC letting them know what you love most about them and that you were really proud to be their Mum. Something they can re-read if they feel down in the future. I've left a letter for each of my DC and my 2 DGS's too.

I would also recommend as well as wills you get Powers of Attorney in place, this can all be done at the same time.

My ILs refused to do POA as they said they would never need them and they were money that they didn’t need to spend. FIL passed away a few years back, MIL was fine for some years, still as she was getting older (80’s) said she’d never need us to have POA, cost too much, she lived independently - but then when downhill very rapidly with dementia and had to be moved into a care home. Had to get Deputyship which is a task in itself to be able to make decisions for her, and you have to complete a long winded annual report.

I re-did my will when I bought this house (I’m now divorced) and did POAs for my young adult kids ‘just in case’.

DH and I have 17 nieces and nephews between us. We are leaving them £1k each when first one dies and another £1k when second one dies. I'm leaving a house that should be mortgage free to be split between my 2 DGS's. It is a 3 bedroom btl house and same tenants been living there for 5 years. My DGS's could chose to keep it and keep letting it out and they'll gain a monthly income or to sell it and get much larger amounts sooner but my DD has agreed to manage this for them until her youngest is 22 years old and at that point they get to choose for themselves. DH and I both do the gifting each year too because I like to see them enjoy it whilst I'm alive and I know there will be the dreaded inheritance tax unless either DH or I have to go into a care home. I'm leaving my half of 3 houses to DH plus he'd get half my pension for life. My other houses will be split between my 3dc equally after a lump sum set aside for both foster sons. We have a holiday home and I'd like all of my family to keep it and to be able to use it when they like, as they do now. My DD has agreed she'll let it out a few weeks each year to cover it's cost in taxes and utilities.

As a Will is a binding document, our Solicitor advised that we should write that the Estate should be equally divided between the children.

A separate Schedule of Wishes is then written distributing monies to other relatives, charities etc. This can be updated as required without the need to rewrite the Will.

Not strictly relevant to your question but I would suggest prepaid funeral planning at the same time as you update your wills. My FIL just passed away and my husband, as the executor, is scrabbling around to find £6,000 to pay for the funeral at the same time as coping with grief and supporting the rest of the family.