Child contracting self during cafcass meeting, this will affect things won’t it?

[DCContradiction]

Background: DC is 10 almost 11, goes to secondary school in September. CAO put in place when DC was a toddler to live with me and visit ExH EOWend for 1 night, we spilt due to his violence and control towards both me and DC, proved in criminal court and used in family court as evidence.

ExH dropped down to 1 overnight a month but having DC on a Saturday on the other weekend of the month after covid, then dropped the overnight and just had DC EO Sunday but would have overnight if school holidays or inset or bank holiday on the Monday.

Last year ExH decided he wanted 50/50 residency but wanted me to book and pay for all the wraparound, holiday childcare and do all the running around basically. He moved in with his mum then moved out but “moved back” in during the days DC was there, but it was obvious he was leaving DC with his mum. On the advice of my solicitor I continued to allow the 50/50 set up with me doing all the care/paying for etc. I literally pay £10 per day for DCs wraparound even on the days ExH is working/needing childcare (which ExH doesn't always use especially on my days with DC), paying for DCs holiday club (which again ExH doesn't always take DC to even on my days) and I pay for all trips, uniforms, medical stuff and aids/devices (glasses/private dentist due to no NHS in the area), activities (which ExH often refuses to let DC attend) and DCs phone (which ExH confiscates and it goes "missing" for weeks at a time with weak excuses from ExH like "not allowed it at school" they are, but it has to be turned off and in the bottom of their bags, if it's seen/taken out of the bag school take it off them but many of the y5s and 6s walk home alone so phones are allowed for that reason).

ExH has now taken me to court for full residency with 2 nights a week for tea and EOWend for 2 nights for me, he’s claimed throughout hearings that this is all I would ever allow him to do and it’s time that he was allowed to be a proper parent to DC and I feel what it’s like to not live with my DC.

Interim order stated 50/50, but then during the second hearing when the updated section 7 was ordered the interim order was updated to reflect that ExH was not taking DC to their activities and was only spending around 1 night a week with DC, so I became RP via the order.

DC stated to cafcass that they want to live with me and never see their dad again because he’s never there, when he is there he’s angry and doesn’t speak to them and that he;s not nice to his parents, DC has also said that ExH wants to change DCs school to one nearer to him because then DC can walk to his aunts house who will provide free childcare for him/DC but DC doesn’t want this, the new school provides a homework club and extra curricular clubs which the school state can be used as childcare. These do cost money.

However DC did want to go on holiday with ExH once a year. My solicitor is saying that both things can’t be true, DC cannot say they don’t want to see ExH with very valied reasons, but then want to spend unsupervised time with him away.

It’s likely to go to 50/50 isn’t it? With me doing all the work anyway. Just preparing myself for it, and writing this here so I can get my head around it.

What do you think DC wants, based on what they've said to CAFCASS? I could very much imagine a child saying both things, if day-to-day is miserable but holidays are fun. I think court decisions are very difficult to predict, but if the interim order has been amended from 50-50 to one night in seven, and your DC is happy with that arrangement, they may well stick with it. If your ex was given 50-50 and it didn't work because of his actions, why would they go back to it?

Court is horrible. It's so stressful and frightening (and expensive!) and the outcome is completely out of your control. I really hope you get a good outcome.

@CoffeeCup14 I think DC wants to see their dad more, and would do anything to get his attention. And I think he's dragging me to court so he has a hold over me and can spin the line again that I stopped him/court stopped him seeing DC more.

I know nothing about child custody issues but I did read your post and didn’t want to leave without saying something. I personally don’t think it’s mutually exclusive not to want to live with dad on a day to day basis but ok to go on holiday. Your DC has stated that they don’t see dad and you have also said that he uses his parents/moves back in with them etc when DC is around. Holiday periods can be very different- your ex is probably actually around, being a parent etc, and being away is probably far more fun for your ex and DC than the mundane day to day- typical Disney dad scenario and your DC clearly recognises the difference. I really hope whoever is making the decisions on your case can see the difference and gives your child what they want- even if they can’t see the difference. Your child is old enough to understand what they want/need/like and to express a preference that could very easily be fulfilled. I hope the powers that be can make it happen for your DC.

What your DC says makes perfect sense from a child's perspective:
Day to day with Dad is unpleasant, even if Dad is there
However his Dad is still his Dad, he loves him and there is this other activity called holiday - doing this with Dad is fun and enjoyable and how he wishes his Dad was all the time, he doesn't want to lose this.

Have you heard the expression give a man enough rope?
Let him bubble. Then let him rip in court.. If ime his fury and blatant hatred towards you isn't contained he will lose big time..
The court won't agree to his tit for tat theory.

And wtf were you paying for everything?

@Bunnyisputbackinthebox My solicitor said in court it would show that he's not interested in anything that benefits DC because ExH accused me of finacial abuse and said the only thing I care about is money, so by paying for DCs things, including extras that aren't really technically needed, like activities then it shows I'm not financially abusive or selfish with money.

OK I get you...
Does he pay cms? Is the 50/50 his way out of paying?

He wasn't paying CM when he decided on 50/50, but then it was calculated that because I was earning more than him I'd have to give him CM even in a 50/50 pattern (20k difference in earnings according to CMS)

So that's why he wants 50 /50..

Have you got records of who does appointments etc?
Can a teacher vouch they see you as the main carer?
Who attends school meetings /parents evenings etc?

@Bunnyisputbackinthebox We have seperate parents evenings.

All appointments are booked on my time, as I can't risk ExH not taking DC. I do all sickness from school as my jobs extremely flexible - I can do 85-90% of my job from home and it's not time sensitive so I can quite literally drop everything, pick DC up from ExH/not go to work, and log in later and do my hours. However ExH still insists on having his overnights with DC even when they're ill.