Ex refuses to give son his money

[Ratboymama2]

Background: My son is transgender. He is now 16 (almost 17) and first said he wanted to be a boy when he was 4 years old. He's been living as a boy for 4 years now and had his name changed by deedpoll. He passes extremely well and never gets mistaken for a girl.

His dad (my ex) flatly refuses to accept this. He harassed and intimidated A to such an extent that A had to get a police anti-harassment order against his dad. They're completely NC. The ex is a malignant narcissist and I had to leave him with the help of the Woman's Refuge.

Now for the issue - for many many years, my son saved up all his birthday and Christmas money from the extended family. The ex insisted he put it in a 'child' account of which the ex held the 'parent' account (this means that the ex controls the child account and the child has no access to it. It is linked to a savings account so the ex can transfer money to the savings account for which my son has a card). A had more than £500 saved up in that account. I never saw any of the money as I stopped going to family gatherings after I left him.

Ex won't give A any of his money, and said that he can't have it anyway 'till he's 16. Well, he's almost 17 now and still no money. Ex wants A to apologise to him for 'mistreating and disrespecting' his dad before he'll give him any of the money. He'll do things like text A to say he's transferred £30 to the savings account. A would rush to the shop to withdraw the money and there would be nothing. The ex would then tell him that he changed his mind and A doesn't deserve the money. Very controlling and so much mindfuckery.

I spoke to the police when we did the anti-harassment order, and they said I need to talk to the bank. I spoke to the bank and they said there is nothing they can do as the ex controls the account.

Does anyone know if there is any legal recourse for getting that money back? We absolutely think ex has spent all the money and there is nothing to give back, but we're hoping there is a way we can. It is so unfair that my son diligently saved all his money (his twin sister spent hers as soon as she got any), and it's a bitter pill for him to swallow having to accept he'll never see the money given to him in good faith by family members.

Sorry about the long post and thanks for reading.

Surely your son wouldn't want to accept money from people who disagree with his very existence?

The sooner you can help him move on from this, the better. He'll have enough to stress about without it.

Sounds like they are significantly bigger problems than wanting gym money. Why can you only afford to eat every two days?

My kid's accounts were held in my name (high street building society) and reverted to my name when they were 18, I'd be interested to know if they would have released the funds directly if challenged in the case of financial abuse like op.

Child Trust Funds are payable to the child ONLY at 18, the adult who opened it has zero access.

Thats where the T&C are important

And the child owns the birthday money and never gave the money to the Ex it is "just resting in the account". And a parent has a duty to provide for the child so I am sure there will be cases which say if how and when an adult can use a childs personal property and spend it before 18 or not hand it over after 18. And I am guessing ex cant prove he is "providing" for the child living with OP as he "providing" 100% for his other child and offsetting the two amounts

So if ex obtained and is holding somebody elses money it falls within AML rules and the bank should freeze the money (and may freeze the value if money was moved to another named account )

The money could be recovered by a civil or criminal case (both too costly) when the child is 18 or it may be lost under the T&C