CMS and taking Ex-Partner to Court

[concernedSIL345]

Name changed for this as it’s a sensitive topic. SIL isn’t on Mumsnet but the family is unsure how to help her. I apologise in advance for the long post but don’t want to drip feed.

tldr: if a ex texts that they are quitting their jobs and going on benefits to avoid paying maintenance , can you take them to court?
the situation

DSIL has been divorced for 3 years with two perfect sons aged 5 and 8. To avoid a drip-feed, it was extra-husband’s fault. She’s had a lot of issues with her Ex (suspect he’s a narcissist) who doesn’t seem to care about the children and only wants to see how badly he can make her life miserable.

Current court order says she must make the children available for contact two nights a week but Ex likes to muck around and isn’t at all reliable. He tends to cancel every other week and on the times he does show up, he’s late or very early and tends to either keep them way past allocated time or brings them home within hours. DSIL is an incredibly good person and tries not to react in order to keep her boys from realising that there’s tensions.

They have a privately agreed upon maintenance amount and he’s supposed to send her the funds monthly on the 1st. A few weeks ago she admitted that he doesn’t always pay or only pays partially and almost always is late so she has to beg. With some encouragement from family, she’s decided to go through CMS and informed him of this.

Well, he kicked off. Told her he would have his manager who is his friend include him in the next round of redundancies coming up (he’s been bragging that his job is safe and mocking those who will be affected so we’re pretty sure he’s not lying about them) and go on benefits so she won’t see anything from him. She’s too scared to go through with it now since she’s already on a lower wage and needs the maintenance to buy food and clothes for her boys.
Younger DSIL reached out last week and told us that since he was dumb enough to text this to her, she and my lovely in-laws want to encourage older DSIL to go through and when he tries to do this, pay for a solicitor and take him to court. We had been saving up for a big holiday in 2026 with our DC but DH and I are in complete agreement that family is far more important and we would chip in with those funds.

We were all at Sunday lunch at DMIL’s last weekend and offered SIL the plan, if she would like to got through with it. However Not-So-DBIL immediately announced that it was a waste of money (he didn’t offer to chip in and we never pressured him to) and that his sister was greedy to not accept what she was given.

Now DSIL is hesitant to accept the help as she’s a complete sweetheart and doesn’t want her family to suffer for no reason (We’ve assured her that we love her and the boys and the chance to get rid of her stress was worth all the money in the world). So, if anyone is still reading, what are the chances that the court would side with her? I was hoping to give her some reassurance that we would stand a chance so she wouldn’t feel bad accepting the help.

If he gives up work then there's nothing a court can do about it.

As shitty a person as he is, even with the text court would be a waste of time. Unfortunately, people are allowed to change or quit jobs for any reason, screwing over their existing children. The courts can't force them to work.

That said, while everyone seems to think its the life of riley on benefits, it's not at all and it's being cracked down on. If he's used to a certain pay check it would be hard to take such a step down. It also traps him. He can't advance or improve his situation while there's an open claim.

Family money would be better spent on supporting her if he carries out his threat. Court is a non starter. Sorry!

Court? Won’t happen

She is not greedy but I'm afraid it is a waste of money. The courts do not have any power to order child maintenance, and they certainly can't order him to get a job. Her private agreement with him is not legally binding. CMS maintenance is legally binding, but enforcement is up to the CMS.

Courts can’t force someone to work. If he quits his job, she’ll get around £7 a week on the flat rate. It’s rotten but she’d be better working out how she can maximise her income, as it’s not going to be something she can rely on with an ex like this. I’ve been through this recently with my own DSis.

Quitting work and going on benefits is a legal way to avoid paying child maintenance. Technically he’ll he asked to pay £7 but that’s it. Court won’t order him to pay her the old amount so the text is useless.

My ex threatened to quit work and move to Australia so that I couldn't bleed him dry any more.

15 years later he's in the same shitty job in the same shitty town and he's paid CMS every month because he's God's gift to parenthood despite only seeing the kids twice a year

Is the ex ACTUALLY likely to quit work? Could he sustain any sort of lifestyle similar to what he lives now, on benefits?

CMS op, put in the claim.

And tell sil to keep the texts, so she can one day show the dc what a prince their dad is..

Thanks all. It looks like unfortunately she’s stuck on this. It would be a big jump down to go from his wages to benefits, from my understanding (not sure how much he earns but she says it’s decent). I just feel rotten for her as it’s stressing her out so much. We see everyone on Sunday so we’ll chat more about it, I’m sure.

You don’t mention whether there is already a financial remedy order in place. If there isn’t then his threat to give up work rather than pay maintenance may mean she gets more of the capital than she would otherwise get.

If he's earning a 'decent' wage, how likely is he to trade that for a life on benefits in reality?

You can't simply "Go on benefits" as a life choice. If he is fit to work he can claim UC, but will receive a paltry amount and have to prove that he is searching for work, take courses etc, and his housing benefit will barely (if at all) cover the cost of a single room.

If he is not fit to work, he may be entitled to slightly more money, but will have to jump though all manner of hoops, medical assessments etc in order to get it.

Either way, it's a shockingly low amount of money. Do you really think he's the kind of person willing to inflict poverty on himself just for the sake of it?

The other option of course is that he's 'on benefits' while actually working (cash in hand, etc). If that's the case, you need to report him to the benefit fraud office.