Anyone know how you get a third party to drop off your child for visitation?

[Roxietrees]

Ex is taking me to court for custody of DS. No court involvement before that. DS is 4 so drop offs/pick ups have to be done by one of us. The other day when dropping him off he pinned me against the wall in my own house, in front of DS and called me a pathetic excuse for a mother. He hasn’t been violent before but has always been emotionally abusive. I don’t want him coming to my house anymore and I’m scared to drop off DS at his as he lives in a fairly remote area. I read somewhere you can get a third party to take your child to the other parent’s? Does this have to be someone you know or can they be court appointed? Or through SS? (There’s no SS involvement yet) also should I report this? To who? I have a solicitor already. Should i report it to them? I have no evidence of it and I know he’ll just deny it

Did you report him to the police when he pinned you against the wall? When my friend’s ex did this, her dad reported it to the police and the police recommended her parents be used for the drop offs.

Speak to your solicitor.
You need a record of this, and I think you should tell the police. If you have any bruising at all, take photos.
If you don’t feel safe with him in a private space, then could you arrange for handovers to be in a public area? Could DC be dropped off/ collected at school, or by a family member? There are lots of possibilities but you shouldn’t have to put yourself in danger.

Report it to the police and then go through your solicitor to arrange contact centre hand over.

No bruising - it wasn’t that hard but it was still very aggressive, my main concern is that DS saw it. Neither of us have family nearby and drop offs/pick ups are often not work friendly hours that friends could do. I will suggest meeting in a public place and I’ve told my solicitor but as far as reporting to the police, I’d like to but I know he’ll just deny it and as I can’t prove it (and it’s the first time he’s done something so aggressive) I don’t think it’ll go anywhere?

You can self refer to contact centre.

Report it anyway. You’ll want it on record if down the line he does something else. If you don’t, you might come to regret it because the line will be ‘so why didn’t she report it if it really happened ’

Thanks for your reply - but what do you mean? Referring to a contact centre where we can met to drop off/pick up DS?

Yes - when I volunteered at a Child Contact Centre, some families self referred, so you call up and ask if they can accommodate.

You don't have to meet your (ex) partner

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

I'd suggest reporting it to the police regardless of whether you think it will go anywhere – you want it on record both for court and in case there are any repeats or escalation.

Does your child go to school or nursery? Maybe arrange contact so you drop off at school, he picks up then drops of the next day and you pick up so there is never any contact between you.

You need to report this to the police. You MUST. If you don't, and you refer to it in court, you won't be believed. You must have an official paper trail.

Firstly, as other posters have said you should be reporting to the police any instance where he is assaulting you.
You could use a contact centre, but this could cost money.
An alternative would be to have a family member / friend help. Either by doing the drop off / pick up themselves, or assisting with it, for example your ex drives to your house, but someone takes/collects your DC from the house to the car.
A third option would be do do the handover somewhere more public, like a coffee shop, where at least there are other people around.

You can pay to do it at a contact centre. You can ask a family member or a friend to do it. You could still do it yourself but could do it outside police station so if anything did happen police are already there.

"The other day when dropping him off he pinned me against the wall in my own house, in front of DS and called me a pathetic excuse for a mother."

You absolutely MUST report this to the police. It doesn't matter that he will deny it. Of course he will. They always do.

The police will take you seriously.

Abusive behaviour is known to escalate so you must report to the police as soon as it starts for your own safety, and for the safety of others.

@Sicario thank you, I have now reported it to the police and they did take it seriously and it’s been recorded. I’m not taking anymore action as of now because I know it’ll just be a he said she said situation and I especially don’t want DS to ever be asked about it. I also just want the court case to be over. My solicitor has instructed him to stay in the car from now on for drop offs and I think he will comply. Having thought about it, I think anyone else doing drop offs would confuse and unsettle DS and he’s the most important person in all this