Abusive Ex & child care

[Isabella07]

Hi, I’m really hoping someone who has been through a similar situation can help me. I’m based in the UK and have had a child with my now ex partner. We split when our child when our child was a baby. We ended our relationship because he was abusive towards him. This happened a few times but the last was the worst. He shouted at him many times starting from around 2/3 weeks old. saying things like shut up, shut the fuck up, you cu*t, you retard, and would often leave him to cry at a very young age. From when he was born he never seemed overly interested. I cared for him 99% of the time. When we ended, he decided he didn’t want to see our baby for a while. He went around 4-6 weeks and then he started seeing him with me present. Then, after a few months, he decided he wanted to have our baby alone for the night. I said no. He started threatening me, and saying he will run off with him. I won’t go too into detail as it’s private. He then didn’t see him for a long period of time and eventually started seeing him again with me present. Things were ok, I feel they could’ve been better, but he wasn’t abusive in this time. He has recently told me he wants to have our child alone. I still said no. I made my reasons for this very clear, thei safety being my main priority, and because he has not yet managed to calm our baby when he is crying. I am worried that he will very quickly snap and turn abusive again if I am not there and our child cries and he can’t calm them down. He has not seen him, asked about him, video called or sent any money for him for a long time now, we’ve basically just been no contact which is strange because it was regular contact. I’m just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation to this and has ended up being in court. If so, what were the outcomes? I’m so scared that he has gone silent and is planning on taking me to court and I’m not sure where I will stand if this does happen. But I really can’t let my baby be alone with my ex. My child safety is of course my priority. Any advice? Thank you for reading.

Hi op didn’t want to read and run, though I have no experience directly your situation sounds really hard.

Are children’s services involved?

Some local DV services have workshops/support for women who are in your situation, managing contact with an abusive ex partner. You can learn some skills for coping and communicating. Try googling. Even local non-emergency police number or IAPT (free phone based counselling on NHS) might be able to point you in the right direction.

social services have said there is no need for their intervention unfortunately. I have been having a look on Google but struggling to make sense of it if I’m honest. I’m very overwhelmed and have not experienced something like this. Thank you for your reply!

Maybe you could take control and apply for a child arrangement order yourself? You can do applications online. Cost about £250.

you say what you want and why . As in supervised contact only as he has no experience of looking after his child and has been abusive. He has to go to a solicitor and then say what he wants and why. You mediate and if there is a many safeguarding concerns the court social workers get involved and make an assessment of the situation.

sounds like he probably won’t engage in the process and then you get your order .