Trouble with step-daughter who’s contesting a Will

[FluentAzureOP]

Hello everyone, I’m hoping the hivemind has some suggestions for this as it’s deeply troubling. My friend’s dad has recently lost his wife after nearly 20 years of married life. He loved her deeply and is still grieving her death. In fact it’s hitting him hard again as the first anniversary of her death draws near.

He and his wife made ‘mirror wills’ which left everything to the other one and named the surviving spouse as Executor. As far as I know, the wills were properly written out by a solicitor and signed and witnessed properly. A short while ago he decided to apply for Probate believing that he needed it to legally administer the will only to find that his step-daughter had blocked his application. This is the latest attack on him by the woman concerned. She previously suggested that he would dispose of her mother’s belongings to his own family and not her’s, she has accused him of stealing a family heirloom and has said that she doubts he will pass on a valuable piece of men’s jewellery to his step-son. She has also taken some jewellery items.

He has been deeply upset by this. He’s grieving for his wife and has tried to explain that he would never just discard anything of his wife’s, and if there’s anything in particular his step daughter wanted just to write it down in a list and he will either give it to her or leave it to her in his own will as he will have to make a new one.

He always treated his step-daughter with honesty and affection, regarding her as essentially his one of his own children, and has been generous and supportive to her, as he was to his wife, and has no idea what’s behind it all, except, perhaps, that his wife’s former husband is guiding it from behind the scenes.

His feels a deep sense of betrayal and the relationship has got so bad that he regards his step-daughter with total contempt now. He’s written to her solicitor (who blocked the Probate application) asking what the grounds for contesting the will are and they seem to be ignoring his letters.

He understands that the will cannot be contested as his wife was in good physical and mental health when she made it. Does anyone have any sensible advice for him (apart from just ‘go and see a solicitor)?

Thank you in advance 😊🙏🏻

Just to add another perspective. We bought our house in a probate sale. The deceased had lived in it with his second wife but had left everything to his daughters from his first marriage. Obviously I know nothing about the circumstances but I did feel sorry for her - she was moving from a 4 bed house she had lived in for 30 years to a 1 bed flat having been told she had no rights to any of the furniture or personal possessions.

You only have one side of the story here.

As for the daughter being 'disinherited', no, mirror wills are extremely common for married couples, even if it is a second marriage. That's not the same thing as being disinherited.

If my DH dies first, I will inherit everything, neither his children or ours are named as recipients until 2nd death.

There is no mention of any 'heirlooms' in our wills either, they deal only with our house and money.

It would have been helpful if a year or so ago the Dad had reassured the SDC that they would continue to be named as recipients in his own will, as their mother would have wanted.

I have a feeling OP is not going to return to this thread, but we have had an interesting time hearing each other’s views on what is probably a made up situation.

Tell your dad to stop being cruel and hand over all his wife’s possessions that her daughter wants. The money her mum earned will go to you.

👏👏👏

So when you die first everything goes to your husband‘s children. That is a conscious decision you are making. The result is your children do not inherit, but his do. You have made a choice not to leave your children anything in your wills. How do you think you are not disinheriting them?

No, that's not the case.

On the first death, the whole estate passes to the surviving spouse.

On the second death, it passes to the DC, both my SDC and our DC.

The risk in this situation is the surviving spouse changing their will after the first death. That's why the Dad should have reassured the SDC that he would not do this.

On the first death the will can stipulate specific gifts and money to anyone, the remainder to go to spouse. After the second death it goes to whoever is named in the will and the first death wishes respected. Maybe op is the dad or his daughter.

One problem with mirror wills is that you don't know what the situation will be when the second spouse dies. Not just how loyal they will be to any promises made, but how much money will have already gone on care, bad investment decisions etc.
My DH and I have written wills in which all our sole savings, investments and 'first family' items go immediately to the children of the person who has died, while jointly owned property goes to the remaining spouse along with pension income (which can't be passed to children anyway).
When the second person dies, our wills say that any house or flat that is owned at the time will be divided between all the heirs.
It's not perfect, but it means that we will each be sure of remaining in our home when the other one dies, without cutting out the children, and we will have our pensions to fund our homes plus the savings that we hold individually.

@FluentAzureOP How did she manage to steal any jewellery?? I would be changing the locks first which he is entitled to do!! any jewellery remaining which is historically his wife's old family's should just be given to daughter and a receipt obtained. give it to her solicitor so she cannot deny this.

That is exactly what I was saying. It will go to the husband, then on his death to his children.

Hear hear.

Bloody hell just give her her mum's jewellery. Poor woman. She knows he has no intention of putting her in his will and I don't blame her for contesting it

No, not if the survivor continues to include all the children in their will. My DSC are in my will.

Can I ask why the dad hadn’t given the daughter what she wanted of her mothers after a year?

What is the family heirloom that she thinks he won’t pass on? I assume it’s from her mothers family so why is he keeping it?

What is the valuable men’s jewellery that the daughter thinks won’t be passed on to her brother? Where has it come from? Was it from her mothers side of the family, a grandfather or uncle? Why hasn’t it been passed on already?

Why is your friends dad telling the daughter to write down what she wants and he will give it to her or leave it to her in his will? Why hasn’t he given these things to her already?

You say he’s deeply upset but I reckon his wife’s daughter is at least equally upset. Is this deep sense of betrayal and contempt he says he feels really an excuse to keep all of his wife’s things for himself to either sell or pass on to his own children without looking like the greedy bad guy? Because that’s what it’s sounding like to me and probably a lot of others. If I was in his social circle I would definitely judge him for withholding his deceased wife’s money and sentimental items from her children under the guise of hurty feelings.

The fella needs to give the daughter her late mother’s treasured possessions. Obviously. It’s disgraceful that he’s prevaricating.

However, the late mother sadly bears some responsibility for agreeing to a pretty stupid will.

This guy sounds disagreeable and will be getting his dick wet in someone else soon enough - the “devastation” will pass once everything is legally his, I suspect!

However, the late mother sadly bears some responsibility for agreeing to a pretty stupid will

It's not a stupid will, it's exactly what she signed up for. Same as mine and I know exactly what it means.

Nonsense her behaviour is grabby. If her mother had wanted her to have anything immediately upon her death she would have made her a beneficiary for those items.

Unless she is a dependant of the mother she has no grounds to contest the Will.

Seriously this is legal matters not AIBU.
The mother's Will leaves everything to him. It is her choice to draw up her Will that way.

Unless the daughter was a dependent of the mother she has no legal claim.

He feels a deep sense of betrayal? For what? He wasn't the one disinherited.

As a blended family this is the exact reason we don't have mirror wills. I am like fuck working so hard to leave everything to my DH & have my kids have to go cap in hand to have my things or my assests. Or have my SS feel beholden to me in that way.

Where I live children can challenge a will with no provisions made for them in it.

From the post though it seems in the UK you can't.

But what has any of this got to do with you? Or your friend? Who no doubt will now be the increased beneficiary of this situation.

I would be furious if I was the step daughter as well, at her mother and him. Her mother completely failed her if it was apparently no issue for her children to actually have some of her things.

It's sad in death, when a parents last action towards their children is such disregard.

I think mirror wills in blended families are a terrible idea.

My friends dad left everything to her step mum, and her step mum left everything to her bio children. She didn't leave anything money nor anything sentimental to my friend. She contested the will and fought her step and 1/2 siblings. It was dragged out for years. The relationships will never be the same. The succeded in destroying their family, that they build with live and pride l, in death.

Anyhow, my advice to your friend is to let her children share her jewellery and the maternal family heirlooms. If there's and money to share then I'd share it.

I imagine their mum would have wanted them and their step dad to have a loving relationship following her passing. I imagine she wouldn't have wanted animosity.

In reality it is impossible to give any advice unless you know the dynamics of the family. If all relationships were good I would expect there to be some provision in the original will for the daughter and as a mother I would have considered this really carefully. Ensuring that my jewellery was passed over and also that my share of the house passed- whilst DH had a lifetime interest. It could be that the relationship with the daughter was very strained and that she has been no contact for some time. I am surprised to see how many DCs go no contact with parents and then expect to inherit fully as this is their birthright… mmm.

Well since he so magnomously states of course they can have some of their mothers personal items. That seems unlikely, or the fact the OP indicates they had a relationship prior to her mothers death.

Mirror wills I found have been much more common with older couples.

I don't know any of my friends who have them, because we have all seen situations were the surviving spouse gets everything, remarries and that spouse and kids who in some cases have been SC to the deceased person end up with it all.

People blindly trust that their spouse would never do xyz, just like plenty of people say oh my spouse would never cheat.

I think mirror wills in blended families are a terrible idea.

I disagree.
DH and I have built our assets in order to provide comfort for the remainder of our lives.

Our assets are not about inheritance or providing for our DC, that seems to be a pretty recent assumption/expectation.

Amongst 50/60/70 year old in the retirement forums I am on, the latest craze is in fact the principles laid out in the book 'Die With Zero'.

DH and I are both in agreement about our mirror wills and whoever dies first has the other person's full permission to spend the lot if they need to. There is no requirement whatsoever to 'keep some back for the DC'. There is an explicit expectation that the DC of both H and W will be included in the will for whatever is left on the second death but in no way does the surviving spouse need to cut back their remaining lifestyle in order to 'pay off' children of the first death.

Thanks. Sadly the time to be having these discussions was before the DM died. Now unless there is an issue of soundness of mind or that there was ongoing provision made for the daughter during the DM’s lifetime it is going to be really difficult to contest in England. The intention of the law is that you can do what you wish with your own money.