Could anyone help me?

cananyonehelpme36 · 2025-04-14T06:33:04+00:00

I’ve name changed. I’ve been with my husband 13 years and married 7. a year into our relationship my parents bought me a house out of inheritance for £360k. No mortgage. I then sold it and bought house 2 a month before we got married for £650k. Again no mortgage. The house is solely in my name. 4 years later I took out a small mortgage of £85k in my own name to do an extension. I have £62k left, the house is now worth £920k. He has contributed to bills but does not own the property or pay mortgage. I want to divorce but will he automatically get half? It seems so morally wrong.

MumOfTheMoos · 14/04/2025 07:42

The starting point will be 50/50, yes.

I am in a similar situation and in the process of having to give my stbxh more than half a a pension pot that I built up before I met him.

It’s always worth going to talk to a solicitor to see if other considerations come into play.

in terms of whether it’s morally wrong or right, I think it’s worth thinking about if it was the other way around - the protocols around financial settlement have grown up to protect women from the structural imbalances (lower wages, looking after children, sacrificing career to support theirs etc) and so it seems wrong when men, who have not had to deal with any of that get to take advantage of the sane protections but there you go - the issue for you (& me) is that we married them with no pre-nup. I thought because we wanted to have children (we have one), I thought it would protect me but it hasn’t. If I hadn’t married him he would have no right to the pension he’s made zero contribution to.

Original poster

cananyonehelpme36 · 14/04/2025 07:52

Can I ring fence it now? Or transfer ownership to my parents?

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 14/04/2025 07:52

You might be able to secure the portion that was inheritance I think

Original poster

cananyonehelpme36 · 14/04/2025 07:58

Also would I need to see a family lawyer or property lawyer?

OP posts:

LIZS · 14/04/2025 08:08

He could claim yes. You need a divorce lawyer with experience in property.

prh47bridge · 14/04/2025 09:11

The house will be in the pot to be divided between you. As this is classed as a long marriage, the starting point will be a 50/50 split, but that doesn't mean he will get 50%. That depends on a range of factors.

Any attempt to take the house out of the equation, e.g. by transferring ownership to your parents, will fail. This would clearly be intended to reduce or prevent your husband getting a fair settlement, which means the courts can set aside the transaction and treat the house as still belonging to you.

You need proper legal advice. Any lawyer who deals with family law will be able to help you.

Collaborate · 14/04/2025 11:17

Just an observation. Your thread title doesn't specify what your question is about. I normally avoid clicking on these as I will only want to comment on something in my field of expertise.

This is my field of expertise. He'll get something from the house but not necessarily 50%. You need to get proper advice from a solicitor.

NowYouSee · 14/04/2025 11:22

You need to pay to see an experienced divorce lawyer. Not one for a free intro meeting. Costs money sure but key to be able to go through this in the round. You’d want to have for this full details of other assets (cash, investments, anything else), pensions, income, caring arrangements for any children. So you can make informed decisions before doing anything.

Nextdoor55 · 14/04/2025 20:59

cananyonehelpme36 · 14/04/2025 07:52

Can I ring fence it now? Or transfer ownership to my parents?

No! Don't do that. It'll be seen as deliberately hiding money. You have to be above board.
But he'll get something for his contribution to the household. You have to prove that the money came from you. Get your accounts in order to show it came from your account?

Original poster

cananyonehelpme36 · 15/04/2025 16:18

Nextdoor55 · 14/04/2025 20:59

No! Don't do that. It'll be seen as deliberately hiding money. You have to be above board.
But he'll get something for his contribution to the household. You have to prove that the money came from you. Get your accounts in order to show it came from your account?

Show quote history

It came from my parents account - they bought it but yes can prove that easily.

OP posts:

NeedHandHoldThroughThis · 17/04/2025 22:09

MumOfTheMoos · 14/04/2025 07:42

The starting point will be 50/50, yes.

I am in a similar situation and in the process of having to give my stbxh more than half a a pension pot that I built up before I met him.

It’s always worth going to talk to a solicitor to see if other considerations come into play.

in terms of whether it’s morally wrong or right, I think it’s worth thinking about if it was the other way around - the protocols around financial settlement have grown up to protect women from the structural imbalances (lower wages, looking after children, sacrificing career to support theirs etc) and so it seems wrong when men, who have not had to deal with any of that get to take advantage of the sane protections but there you go - the issue for you (& me) is that we married them with no pre-nup. I thought because we wanted to have children (we have one), I thought it would protect me but it hasn’t. If I hadn’t married him he would have no right to the pension he’s made zero contribution to.

Similar situation here, absolutely maddening.
The challenge is to not get consumed by resentment, to rebuild and be happy in spite of the injustice.
I’m finding this very hard, not so much the financial side but accepting that I didn’t know my ex the way I thought I did. I thought he was useless with money and work but a honourable man at heart, but he’s just convinced himself that it’s only good and fair that he takes half of everything (my parents and) I have ever worked for. I was married to a grabby greedy little grifter and I had no idea.

NeedHandHoldThroughThis · 17/04/2025 22:10

Collaborate · 14/04/2025 11:17

Just an observation. Your thread title doesn't specify what your question is about. I normally avoid clicking on these as I will only want to comment on something in my field of expertise.

This is my field of expertise. He'll get something from the house but not necessarily 50%. You need to get proper advice from a solicitor.

Sorry to hijack the thread but I’m in a similar situation to the OP (the pot is much smaller) and I am wondering if anything can be done when the other party refuses to negotiate and going to court would eat too much of the marital assets. Would mediation be likely to consider a 50/50 split unfair when one party has paid for everything and the other one has refused to work for the whole duration of the marriage? No children.
It just feels so impossible to accept.

Iceboy80 · 17/04/2025 22:13

This is why people, you NEVER get married!

prh47bridge · 18/04/2025 07:17

NeedHandHoldThroughThis · 17/04/2025 22:10

Sorry to hijack the thread but I’m in a similar situation to the OP (the pot is much smaller) and I am wondering if anything can be done when the other party refuses to negotiate and going to court would eat too much of the marital assets. Would mediation be likely to consider a 50/50 split unfair when one party has paid for everything and the other one has refused to work for the whole duration of the marriage? No children.
It just feels so impossible to accept.

Show quote history

A mediator does not decide the split. They simply help you and your ex come to an agreement. If your ex refuses to negotiate, mediation is unlikely to work.