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Legal matters

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Debts when someone had moved away.

59 replies

Idiotseeverywhere · 03/04/2025 08:20

My 21 year old has done something incredibly reckless. Signed up to join an army abroad and disappeared one day to join them. We had no know knowledge of it until they disappeared early one morning.

We can only speak to them for a few minutes once a week. They have disclosed that they have emptied their British bank account (most of the money was spent in travel to this location anyway), opened an account in the county they are in now.

They said they ran up credit card debts, klana debts before they left and will not be paying as it isn’t their problem now.

So far, we have had car insurance emailing us. Only because dh helped them get it and so it’s linked to his email, but it’s in dc name. They owe payments (looks like they must have stopped paying bills the last few months before they left to say for flights), dh called and said they don’t live here anymore. They said nothing they can do, they can’t close the account. It’s getting passed to debt collection.

When we speak to dc they refuse to talk about it saying they will never return to UK, so they don’t care. They are in an extremely dangerous place and I don’t want to push them away by going on about this. I know the only way they are coming home is in a box, so I don’t want to ruin the few mins I can speak a week with arguments.

We have no proof of where they are now. I know the country, but they won’t tell me where the military base is.

What do I do if it gets to the point where bayliffs turn up? I can’t prove they don’t live here. All post for them gets marked not known at this address, return to sender.

Im also really ill and this is all making me worse. I don’t have the money to pay anything for them.

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 03/04/2025 18:11

OP I am so sorry that you are going through this and I hate to say this but you need to check your own and your dh's credit score. If your ds has had some kind of breakdown he may have thought taking out credit in your or your Dr's name as a temporary measure. You do need to check this out just in case.

I hope he comes to his senses soon and comes home safe.

Idiotseeverywhere · 03/04/2025 18:14

purplecorkheart · 03/04/2025 18:11

OP I am so sorry that you are going through this and I hate to say this but you need to check your own and your dh's credit score. If your ds has had some kind of breakdown he may have thought taking out credit in your or your Dr's name as a temporary measure. You do need to check this out just in case.

I hope he comes to his senses soon and comes home safe.

No, he won’t have done that. I’m very sure of it. He’s an idiot, but he wouldn’t have done anything like that, I’d stake my life on it.

He left his job at Christmas, and he said he got a credit card to buy the things he needed to go where he is now. When he first disappeared, I was so confused as he took nothing, no clothes, no shoes. He said he bought everything he needed to take with on a credit card that he’s not going to pay back.

OP posts:
tissueboxandcandles · 03/04/2025 19:00

Idiotseeverywhere · 03/04/2025 18:02

In the case of my son, I asked him, why didn’t you just join the British army if that’s what you wanted?

He said it’s because he just wanted to fight and be in a war zone now. Four weeks training and then it’s to the front line. He said everyone there felt the same way.

It’s not even to do with the country they are in. They have no strong feelings towards it, couldn’t give a damn. They just want the instant gratification of being in a war. I don’t understand it.

And our own government are all for it. So they are doing nothing “wrong” so no one can stop it.

Edited

I am so sorry. It is very scary and completely romanticised.

Ihavepandassurvivalinstinct · 03/04/2025 19:07

I am sorry but the only country I am aware of taking on foreigners who are not residents is Russia?

When bailiffs come, tell them he is nit there. Simple as that. Tell them he left abroad. There is difference between private bailiffs and high court ones in right to access as well so read up on that.
And yes, check your and DH's credit scores!

Hoppinggreen · 03/04/2025 19:08

Ihavepandassurvivalinstinct · 03/04/2025 19:07

I am sorry but the only country I am aware of taking on foreigners who are not residents is Russia?

When bailiffs come, tell them he is nit there. Simple as that. Tell them he left abroad. There is difference between private bailiffs and high court ones in right to access as well so read up on that.
And yes, check your and DH's credit scores!

Well Russia has invaded somewhere so people are fighting AGAINST them

Idiotseeverywhere · 03/04/2025 19:15

Ihavepandassurvivalinstinct · 03/04/2025 19:07

I am sorry but the only country I am aware of taking on foreigners who are not residents is Russia?

When bailiffs come, tell them he is nit there. Simple as that. Tell them he left abroad. There is difference between private bailiffs and high court ones in right to access as well so read up on that.
And yes, check your and DH's credit scores!

He’s not in Russia. He’s not anywhere that this country frowns on.

OP posts:
anon2022anon · 03/04/2025 19:20

To be honest I wouldn't think twice about forging his signature on any documents you need to remove him from the house records.
I would also be opening any letter that looks like a debt collection/ statement too, and be giving them a call.

pompey38 · 03/04/2025 19:53

Idiotseeverywhere · 03/04/2025 09:37

He has left. I’ve seen his contract. I’ve seen where his is when he’s video called. I have the bank details of the account he’s opened in that country. He has a new phone number for that country. There is no doubt he’s there and in the military. Believe me, I wish he was hiding out a friends house somewhere, but he’s not. He’s actually done this and fucked off and left debts.

Yes, I this was some sort of escape from a stressful work situation.

It’s not as rash as it sounds. Apparently he was planning it for almost a year. Having online interviews, planning travel. His close friends all knew and were helping him. It’s a really hurtful.

Edited

I wouldn’t worry about the debts, companies will take him to court, he’ll get CCJ’s but for those to be enforced ( bailiffs entering your home) they need a high court order, most companies don’t bother for few hundreds pounds. Let’s hope the war in Ukraine stops soon , it has calmed down massively recently, and your son will be fine.

spoonbillstretford · 01/11/2025 05:09

MotherJessAndKittens · 03/04/2025 09:22

Seriously I think you need to seek legal advice. Could you try a free 30 minute chat with a lawyer? Things you need to know like can they take anything of yours? He is an adult and not living with you. Can they take the TV etc from his room but not touch your things? Perhaps ask to speak to a community police officer to see where you stand if they turn up. What a horrible situation for you.

They can't. No need to pay for a lawyer.

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