How to get step parent responsibility

[YourRubyMaker]

So bio “father” is completely absent and has been for 8ish years , unfortunately child has his surname and he’s in the birth certificate, have been with finance nearly ten years and really want him and need to have parental responsibility he’s his dad and has brought him up , so how do I go about this ? Ex is awol and is not a very nice person whatsoever (police advised me to stay away as much as I can anyways ) , I have no way to even find out where he is even if I wanted to and even if I did he wouldn’t give consent cos of how horrible he is , I can prove in court it’s in the child’s best interests etc but how do I go about it and do we need to be married for this to happen ?

He will have to adopt your child legally. There’s no other way. You will need to get your child’s biological father’s consent however, if he’s named on the birth certificate as he will have legal Parental Responsibility- regardless of him having been gone 8 years.
I know because my DC’s father has been gone 9 years and I looked into this.

There is no way really without dad’s consent OP, sorry.

Even marriage does not give a step parent automatic parental responsibility.

A Parental Responsibility Agreement or adoption are the main ways a step parent can gain parental responsibility but both required the consent of all people with existing PR- so dad.

As others have said, you need permission from the biological father.

You need to exhaust every avenue to try and find him if he’s AWOL. The court will insist on that.

I don’t know any of his family or anything I have no clue how I could find him !? Would contacting a solicitor be beneficial ? I looked briefly at the forms and they seem quite complicated but was hoping to not need a solicitor due to the cost

also thanks for all the replies , such a shame dead beat dads get so much control

If you think he would consent could you hire a private investigator?
Your spouse getting PR wouldn't terminate their Dad's parental responsibility whereas adoption would. You know / knew their Dad's character, would he be likely to be obstructive for the sake of it?

Sorry just seen the bit where a solicitor was hard to finance, so the PI idea wasn't appropriate. Sorry!

Yeah, you’d get a solicitor who would fill that paperwork in and will notify the local authority of the possible adoption.
Social worker will visit the house and speak to everyone involved, then write a report on if the adopter is suitable.
The paperwork is filed at court and a copy of it is sent to the bio father so that they can object if they want to. If you don’t know their whereabouts then the court will search via the electoral role/last known addresses etc. They’ll leave no stone unturned.

Be mindful that if this AWOL guy might present himself back into your life afterwards, maybe wanting access etc. Sometimes sleeping dogs are best left alone.

Is it really necessary for him to have PR? Wouldn't it be poking the bear to seek out the ex for consent?

Really not true. My (now ex) had PR for my DD. Just complete a parental responsibility form and send it to court. You will need to explain circumstances to the Judge before it's signed. Then you can change name by deed poll, get new passport etc. I'd had no contact with her dad for 8 yrs although I got cms. I didn't know where he lived.

We looked adoption and we were advised by the courts its not the done thing as you are effectively depriving the child of any future inheritance. PR and name change is the next best thing

They aren't complicated. I done it all myself.

So fill out the form and explain that he is awol ? He deffo wouldn’t give consent if found just out of control but I highly doubt he will be found as he won’t be on electrol roll etc to avoid debts etc

That is literally all I did. Judge asked when last contact was. Did I know where he lived etc.... she signed it off no problem.

The PR form is an option, it won’t remove your ex though. It’ll be that all 3 of you have PR if the judge accepts it.

Well you must have realised this when you chose to have a child with him, you will need consent or possibly a very long court process

What a ridiculous comment, no I didn’t know he was a narcissist criminal when I had a child with him at all , don’t bother commenting if you are just going to comment unhelpful shaming comments

It’s never worth doing this, PR would give him equal rights in if you divorce, which is a 50 percent probability. Don’t give up your rights over your child for the sake of something unecessary. You can sing forms, he doesn’t need to be able to

Whilst I appreciate where your coming from recent events mean it is needed

This is my general position too.

You might end up sharing PR with two exes one day. The risk outweighs any benefit.

Cross posted with the OPs update above.

https://www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities/apply-for-parental-responsibility

That’s changing the name it’s completely different! Yes OP could go to court but she’s trying to avoid that.
Also giving someone Parental Responsibility of your child just because he’s your latest boyfriend is absolutely WILD.

It sounds like the OP may be ill and this is why she wants this done, maybe to protect her child in the future.

What a disgraceful, disgusting comment. You have no clue of the circumstances OP was in when her DC was born, yet you’re choosing to judge her and get a dig in, regardless.
FYI - People change. Abusers can be exquisite actors and play that part long enough for children to come along and then poof! They’re gone. It’s so immature to suggest you should be able to psychically know a man’s entire capabilities before becoming a family as it’s quite possible to never know this about your partner/spouse even after 40+ years of marriage! It’s called coercion, look it up 🤦🏼‍♀️

We didn't do it just to change her name. Our circumstances needed him to have PR due to travelling, doctors, school appts etc......which is what PR is for.