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Original poster

Trying to take kids away for 4 nights( not foreign country)

25 replies

Birchtree1 · 29/03/2025 20:26

My ex OH is refusing me taking the kids as for 4nights. He is regularly away with work for 4 nights. ( twice this month) 15 days in January.
We recently split up. My father is in a grave condition in hospital ( in another European country, doctore said it is life threatening)
I am flying back to said country tomorrow until Thursday night ( first flight)
I have spoken to school and they are fine for them missing a few days ( years 3 and 6)
I arranged for friends to look after them for 4 days. They have known kids since babies.
He says he will call the police if I take them 2 hours drive from here. He has the passports anyway. It would just be to make sure they are safe and school is okay with this ( spoke to headmaster friday) can't contact my solicitor over the weekend.
What do I do? Take them? Leave them in an unsafe situation? Our eldest possibly has adhd/asd and it results in meltdowns/ dysregulated behaviour etc. , he has not had them for more than a few hours a t a time for almost a year

OP posts:
Original poster
Birchtree1 · 29/03/2025 20:29

So...can I take them against his will

OP posts:
BuddhaAtSea · 29/03/2025 20:33

One of the things I learnt the hard way after my divorce is to stop thinking of my child’s father as someone who actually cares about their child. If your exH was fussed about the kid’s wellbeing, he would have taken them and looked after them while you have to deal with a family emergency. He doesn’t. He just wants to punish you.
Stop telling him of your plans and get on with living your life.
Declare the passports as lost, get the kids new passports.
Hope your dad is ok.

AirFryerCrumpet · 29/03/2025 20:36

So you have to go away for 4 nights and dad doesn't want the kids to stay with friends?
Does that mean he wants to look after them instead?
Is the 'unsafe situation' staying with their dad?

Snorlaxo · 29/03/2025 20:37

Get a Child Arrangement Order when you get back so that you can take them away for up to 28 days without your ex’s permission. He is being massively spiteful and when you go to court, you’ll probably be able to be the one who keeps the passports as you’re the parent with most time with them.

I hope that you’re ok OP 💐

Original poster
Birchtree1 · 29/03/2025 20:53

He wants to keep them ev3n though he is not emotionally equipped for our 10 year old. I wanted to leve them with friends to make sure I can concentrate on my mother and dying ( most likely) father. I wish I was making this up but it is real

OP posts:
Original poster
Birchtree1 · 29/03/2025 20:55

AirFryerCrumpet · 29/03/2025 20:36

So you have to go away for 4 nights and dad doesn't want the kids to stay with friends?
Does that mean he wants to look after them instead?
Is the 'unsafe situation' staying with their dad?

It's unsafe as he hasn't had them for 24 hours for the last year and i have had to retrieve older child on several occasions due to meltdowns. As in return from work 50 miles away, pick up from campsite etc

OP posts:
Mooselooseinmyhoose · 29/03/2025 20:57

Legally.. if there is no court order there is no issue with them being with you in the UK for four extra days but if you leave them in the care of someone without parental responsibility and he has parental responsibility he could in theory attend that person's address and take the children back and the if called the police would not stop him because the friend has no legal right to keep them.

I'm sorry for your father's situation.

In what way is your ex unable to meet your 10 year olds emotional needs for 4 days? Surely it's better for them to be in routine and at school as usual if there is a safe parent who can have them?

Original poster
Birchtree1 · 29/03/2025 20:58

I am not sure what to do for the best. Leave them with him for 4 days ( they will be at school) and childminder for 2 days after school. Or take them and he calls the police on me.

OP posts:
Mooselooseinmyhoose · 29/03/2025 21:00

Birchtree1 · 29/03/2025 20:58

I am not sure what to do for the best. Leave them with him for 4 days ( they will be at school) and childminder for 2 days after school. Or take them and he calls the police on me.

OP kindly you have so much to worry about. School and childminder will limit the amount of time that he has with them in the 4 days.

He needs to learn to support your eldest. I appreciate it's not ideal and you will worry. But if hes otherwise a safe parent it seems an easier option.

But when you're back get a court order so everything is sqaured away for the future.

Original poster
Birchtree1 · 29/03/2025 21:00

Mooselooseinmyhoose · 29/03/2025 20:57

Legally.. if there is no court order there is no issue with them being with you in the UK for four extra days but if you leave them in the care of someone without parental responsibility and he has parental responsibility he could in theory attend that person's address and take the children back and the if called the police would not stop him because the friend has no legal right to keep them.

I'm sorry for your father's situation.

In what way is your ex unable to meet your 10 year olds emotional needs for 4 days? Surely it's better for them to be in routine and at school as usual if there is a safe parent who can have them?

Thank you for this reply. He was arrested last year for hitting our child but it ended up an NFA as police and social services didn't feel our child could be interviewed due to poss asd/adhd

OP posts:
notatinydancer · 29/03/2025 21:01

I’d take them. The police won’t do anything.

Original poster
Birchtree1 · 29/03/2025 21:02

Mooselooseinmyhoose · 29/03/2025 21:00

OP kindly you have so much to worry about. School and childminder will limit the amount of time that he has with them in the 4 days.

He needs to learn to support your eldest. I appreciate it's not ideal and you will worry. But if hes otherwise a safe parent it seems an easier option.

But when you're back get a court order so everything is sqaured away for the future.

Show quote history

I will do this and have recently got a solicitor. I just feel so uneasy and also have to go and see my parents. It's killing me.

OP posts:
AirFryerCrumpet · 29/03/2025 21:05

Birchtree1 · 29/03/2025 20:58

I am not sure what to do for the best. Leave them with him for 4 days ( they will be at school) and childminder for 2 days after school. Or take them and he calls the police on me.

If you genuinely believe they would be unsafe in his care for 4 days then I think you have to take them with you.
Even if he calls the police, they're not going to bring the kids back from another country. He would need to get a court order.

Sounds like you also need to urgently get a court order when you return though.

Original poster
Birchtree1 · 29/03/2025 21:06

AirFryerCrumpet · 29/03/2025 21:05

If you genuinely believe they would be unsafe in his care for 4 days then I think you have to take them with you.
Even if he calls the police, they're not going to bring the kids back from another country. He would need to get a court order.

Sounds like you also need to urgently get a court order when you return though.

Show quote history

Am not planning to 5ake them abroad. Just leaving them with friends for 4 days who know them well

OP posts:
AirFryerCrumpet · 29/03/2025 21:08

Birchtree1 · 29/03/2025 21:06

Am not planning to 5ake them abroad. Just leaving them with friends for 4 days who know them well

Show quote history

If you're leaving them with unrelated people in this country then their dad could just go and retrieve them.

Original poster
Birchtree1 · 29/03/2025 21:12

I know I guess. It's killing me but I also need to see my father. Just wanted to see legally what my rights are.

OP posts:
Original poster
Birchtree1 · 29/03/2025 21:16

I am back after 4 days and will go to court then. Just can't do it on such short notice. Only knew I had to go back to home country since yesterday.

OP posts:
Original poster
Birchtree1 · 29/03/2025 21:18

He 8s regularly away for 4 nights with work anyway. I sadly think he's putting his foot down just to spite me

OP posts:
Original poster
Birchtree1 · 29/03/2025 21:26

He has never even done a school lunch for them

OP posts:
sciaticafanatica · 29/03/2025 21:28

I would honestly just call his bluff.. he is an adult & they are his children. He can get them to school & make lunch.
if it’s about punishment of you then he will back down

AirFryerCrumpet · 29/03/2025 21:33

Birchtree1 · 29/03/2025 21:12

I know I guess. It's killing me but I also need to see my father. Just wanted to see legally what my rights are.

Legally at this point he has exactly the same rights as you.

If the kids are mostly going to be at school and the childminder then surely he can cope for 4 nights?

Original poster
Birchtree1 · 29/03/2025 22:06

AirFryerCrumpet · 29/03/2025 21:33

Legally at this point he has exactly the same rights as you.

If the kids are mostly going to be at school and the childminder then surely he can cope for 4 nights?

Show quote history

He hasn't coped for 24 hours so far, or when childminder refused to take older one due to behaviour. I had to come back home from work to deal with older one. And I work 40 miles away

OP posts:
CoffeeCup14 · 30/03/2025 17:25

Would he know where they were if you left them with friends? Legally he can't stop you doing it - you can leave your children with anyone you feel is able to care for them. He could call the police but they wouldn't take any action against you. He could go and pick them up from those friends and they would have to give them to him, but that would only happen if he knew where they were.

Hoppinggreen · 30/03/2025 17:29

Yes, will he know where they are?
If not then just do it

Original poster
Birchtree1 · 30/03/2025 17:48

Am at the airport now. Have left them there. Didn't want to get my friends into trouble ( he knows where they live) my friend offered to dissappear them for a couple of days but I decided against this.
Not sure what is better. Have organised childminder etc while I am away.
Had to tell him how to make their lunchboxes today as he's never done it before ( oldest is year 6)

OP posts:
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