Child agreement order

[talkingT]

Hi There,

im in my early 20s and I have a 7 month old baby.

my baby’s father used to live with us until we separated at the start of November 2024.

he has came up a handful of times to see the child since then however he is demanding overnights and is now saying he is taking the child wether I like it or not.

the baby has started to make strange with a lot of people and since he is so young I don’t feel comfortable with him being away from me overnight.

he lives with his mum and his brother now so it will be a group of strangers to the baby.

im just wondering how much a child agreement order costs roughly and how do I go about this?

I don’t work so I’m unable to afford solicitor bills and im feeling pressured by the father as he is saying i do not have a choice and he will being taking him no matter what, he is on the birth certificate.

i never wanted things to come to this but it’s just gotten out of hand, i have told him his family are welcome to come see the baby but he doesn’t care.

he is demanding the baby comes tomorrow to his mums house and he said he will be collecting the baby tomorrow end of discussion.

its just very daunting the whole situation and any help would be appreciated.

my ex does have a criminal record and he smokes cannabis as well so it even makes me feel more on edge with the baby being away from me.

i really feel like im being bullied by him and my feelings aren’t took into consideration by him.

we are just going round and round in circles

You don't need a child arrangements order. He cannot simply take your child from you. In the absence of any court order, you can decide what contact you are willing to give him and whether it should be supervised. If he wants more, he will have to apply for a CAO.

So it’s not me who needs to apply for one? Sorry for the silly questions I’m just a new mum and I haven’t a clue about all of this.
i just personally think he is too young to be without me overnight and His dad is making it out as if I don’t have a choice because he is on the BC, it’s just stressing me out

Can you arrange to go out tomorrow so you are not there when he turns up? Or keep the door locked and don't let him in and then if he kicks off call the police. It wouldn't look good for him.

I don’t drive so it’s abit of a nightmare planning to go out as I don’t know what time he will arrive:(

You can if you want, but you don't have to. He does not have the right to simply take your child away from you, whatever he thinks. If he turns up tomorrow demanding to take your child, you can simply ignore him and refuse to answer the door.

However, you can apply for a CAO if you think it would help. Before applying you must attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) unless one of the exemptions applies. This costs about £120 on average. Once you have done that, if mediation is not suitable you can apply for an order using form C100. That costs £255. If you are willing to represent yourself, there are no other costs. If you need a lawyer to represent you, you should get an appointment with a solicitor. Many will give a free initial consultation and give you some idea of the likely cost.

He just keeps saying because he is on BC I do not have a choice, it’s a nightmare the whole situation.
thank you so much for your advice xx

In your situation I absolutely would proceed and get the order. It means everything is then set out clearly, legally, in black & white, who the child lives with, what contact they have & when etc.

It’s just he is demanding to take the baby tomorrow so it doesn’t leave me much time to get the order in place.
he is pressuring me and telling me I’ve no choice and he will be taking my son wether I like it or not

Being on the birth certificate gives him parental responsibility. That gives him the right to a say in some things such as your child's education. It does not give him the right to take your baby whenever and wherever he wants. He is wrong to say you have no choice. That would only be true if there was a court order in place. In the absence of a court order, it is entirely up to you what to do.

You won't get an order in place for tomorrow. Go out for the day or keep the door locked and refuse to answer it when he turns up. If he turns up and kicks up a fuss while you are in the house, call the police.

He can’t take the baby if he has no idea where the baby is and can’t get to the baby. He can demand whatever he wants but he can’t mind read or travel through doors to get to you, make yourselves scarce and ignore.

Book a hotel, go stay with a friend or family member, lock the doors & block his number.

Then get the wheels in motion for CAO, it’s not an instant fix but it absolutely is a long term help.

As already said, even in the absence of any type of order, he cannot simply come and take the child, or insist you hand him over. Being on the BC does not give him the right to take the child from you whenever he likes without your consent, whatever he says. If you need more validation see here -

Parental rights and responsibilities: What is parental responsibility? - GOV.UK
which explicitly says

"If you have parental responsibility for a child but you do not live with them, it does not mean you have a right to spend time with your children."

Without an order, it is up to you to decide what access you give him, if any, or if you want to stay with your son whilst they spend time together. He can argue the opposite all he likes, doesn't make it true.

A CAO would set in law his access to the child - times you would need to make your son available for access (though it wouldn't make the Dad actually turn up). This would help clarify things for both of you - he would then have set times he would have access legally - but I would be inclined to wait to let him do it and bear the cost, if he is actually serious about seeing his child.

OP he needs to apply for thr CAO not you! He's the one demanding access and you are the resident parent.
I'd just go back to him and say quite simply that you're not comfortable with the arrangements he's proposed and therefore he should apply for a CAO so that you have access agreed in advance. You can then take it from there assuming he can be bothered

I would disagree. If I was OP I’d want to ensure I had a CAO stating the child lives with me & has X contact with dad on Y days and for Z amount of time.

That way if dad does one day take the child for contact and doesn’t return the child OP has a clear, legal, verified document which clearly states that the child lives with her, and is only meant to be away for specific dates/times & length.

I agree. Given the way he's demanding the child and saying he'll take the child no matter what, it's just a matter of time before he turns up to pick them up from nursery or school (when older obviously) and there won't be anything she can do about it then. If it were me, I'd rather have a legal document outlining that the child lives with me and exactly what access looks like, which can change as the child gets older.

Given what OP has said, I would agree that she should get a CAO.

Lock the door and don't answer it if you can't go out. If it upsets you take the baby to furthest room from the door. Call the police if he doesn't leave or gets angry.