My cousin was married to a guy for almost 5 years.
They split up, one child together.
He contributed a menial amount to household bills throughout their marriage but walked away with 50% of everything including a chunk of her pension.
He financially and emotionally abused her throughout the marriage.
The CSA have told him (and my cousin) he has to pay £0 child support for their 10year old as he is a student. This guy works cash in hand and always has done.
He seeks to control at EVERY opportunity.
My cousin has been to the police who were seriously unsupportive. It seems like you have to take your own life before anyone listens- she cannot take much more.
The child is showing signs of distress - i dont want to say too much incase it gives me away but the school have commented in the changes of the child. GP is involved with both of them.
Meanwhile the "father" gaslights. He harasses through lawyers letters which he gets FREE with Legal aid meanwhile my cousin pays through the nose as she does not get legal aid.
He makes false and malicious allegations which hand on heart are NOT true.
My cousin is a professional, degree educated woman with her own home and car.
He is gaslighting the child "your mummy drinks dosent she" (rarely and if so -socially)
"Mummy looks rough"
Accusing her of being under the influence at contact times when the child is collected- totally untrue!
Child reports not wanting to their Dads feelings but at times does not want to go to his as when they do they have to share a room with his new partners children of the opposite sex.
Accusations of not declaring income from her own business to the legal aid board! - she has no second income! Totally false.
He has stopped bringing the child back which is against the court order but police say it is a civil matter and no criminality- what does a mother do when her child is not home when they are supposed to be?
Point blank refused to bring her back- control. Police not supportive.
Social work are involved and were nice to my cousin and told her to document everything for now and credited her with how she has behaved so far. She has welcomed their support as she has genuine concerns about the childs welfare and the detrimental affect he is having on her wellbeing.
He wont let the child go to rehersals for an activity that they have worked on for months on "his time"
He used to make the child change clothes and underwear on arrival at his home then when he dropped the child home my cousin had to give all the clothes back before he left.
Family are now forced to go collect the child and he turns music up and shuts the blinds all to keep CONTROL and keep folk standing outside when they get there.
My cousin now has no contact with him. Her mental health is obviously under strain with this coercive control but she holds down an important job with an unblemished record. Family who stepped in to help with contact have also now been falsely accused and have no contact with him.
He called and changed himself to NOK on nhs behind her back, he seeks to be added to chats on whatsapp for extra corricular activities (that he does not pay for), he harasses the school and meets with the teachers regularly but obviously my cousin has no idea of the content of those meetups.
The childs friends make fun of them because the Dad carries the 10year old to the car. It is all control.
Child loves their dad but is intimidated. Child has said that they want to go to their rehersal and on holiday and if that means not seeing Dad then so be it.
My cousin has NEVER witheld contact as she does not want to "play into his hands" and wishes to keep above the law but patience is wearing thin. My cousin invited him and his partner to an important event in the childs life as the child wanted their Dad present.
He came, ate the buffet she paid for but contributed nothing. Not even a card.
He accuses my cousin of all sorts including not seeking medical advice and absolutley harasses her via lawyers.
Courts plan to interview the child to get their wishes. Child welfare hearing. The Dad is an absolute NARCASSIST. He is slandering her and stops at nothing yet it seems he gets away Scot Free!!!!!!
Today- the latest lawyers letter states that child cant go on an Easter holiday as he wont consent. Whole family is going. It is so sad.
Womans Aid have been supportive but are we missing something here because is is absolutley RELENTLESS
Are we missing anything because I am desperate to support my cousin in any way I can but it feels like a vicious circle!!!!!
