Am I being daft, accepting very low divorce settlement in hopes judge deems unfair?

[roseyberry]

I (28F) am getting divorced from my STBXH (45M). He’s got an expensive solicitor, I am representing myself as I literally can’t afford one. He is living in the (£345k) marital home. I private rent (£1k per month). He earns £70k, I earn £18k. He kept the Range Rover, I’m driving a £2.5k car I’ve had to fund myself. We split our kids 50/50 and they spend equal amounts of time in each house. I left him, and left the marital home as it got so bad I could not continue living there. I’ve never been permitted access since, so have had to fully furnished my new home. We have our conditional order, in regards to going to court I tried to phone the local court and book a date but this can only be done by a solicitor. We then tried to agree a settlement, he has offered me a lump sum of £5k (which I haggled up from £1k!) he won’t go higher than £5k. I have read that when we send off the settlement and the consent order and our D81 forms, a judge will evaluate and if they don’t think it’s fair they will call for a hearing. So is it safe to accept this low offer, with the hopes the judge will take one look and think it’s insane and call a hearing? If this happens will I be sent a bill for the court costs? Absolute worst case atleast I get something if they do sign it off.

How long have you been married?

We were together for 10 years, married for 4. (Yes slightly concerning given our respective ages.. might explain the divorce)

How much equity in the house?

£130k

And savings etc?

Pensions?

Then is no way you should accept 5K and it's highly unlikely a judge would deem that to be fair.

I have no idea on his pension, I imagine it’s quite healthy. I have 8 years of NHS pension nothing else not sure on exact figures will try figure out

How old are the kids?

These are all figures needed for the court to judge what is 'fair'. Guessing the pension won't be enough. It's a great shame you can't afford a solicitor to negotiate for you. I'm so sorry.

Might you qualify for legal aid? If you had to flea the marital home due to abuse (inferior that from "it got to bad") then I believe it can be disregarded as an asset.

I don't think £5k is at all fair. He's probably just counting on the fact you can't afford legal advice to be a CF.

Most solicitors will offer 30 minutes free so I would definitely do that and then go from there.

Divorce lawyer here. Absolutely don’t do it. There is a chance the court will ask questions and not approve it but they won’t impose a new order, so your hope this will trigger a fairer outcome is misplaced, although the judge’s questions can springboard parties into new negotiations. However there is a high risk that the court WILL approve it and once it is made there is no going back.

If you want a judge to consider what is fair you need to firstly go to mediation unless an exemption such as domestic abuse. you can then issue a Form A which is the process to start a court process to consider the finances when not in agreement (it’s the same process for lawyers or litigants
in person, lawyers can’t just ring up and book a court date).
https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/6628e39db0ace32985a7e5a5/FormA0424.pdf
you can email it to your local court and ask them to call you to take the court fee.

The whole process is designed to encourage parties to settle but you will get a without prejudice indication as to what is fair at the second hearing stage.

Lucy Reed’s book “the family court without a lawyer” is good for litigants in person about the process.

I would absolutely not agree to the £5k hoping the judge will not agree. They very well might sign off on it and then there is no going back.

You should qualify for legal aid of you only earn 18k - pls try and get some advice

Please contact Women's Aid, they're excellent in this regard.

@roseyberry

Do not sign anything - and certainly not the crazy offer you have. You don’t win anything by signing.
If you had a continuous 10year relationship - resulting in marriage for 4 years - it’ll be considered as long marriage.
Your entitlement is half of equity and assets. - so at least £65K.
Pensions will be looked at separately as be has less working years left.

How old are the kids now, and how do you split childcare?

For now - apply for UC and CMS - to keep you going.
Have you filed for divorce officially? Has he?
It is not true that you cant file in court jf you self represent. But you need to follow procedures and file correct forms.
Go to Citizen Advice and call legal aid.

But DO NOT sign a low offer hoping the judge wont accept it. Why would you do it - there is NO reason. And his solicitors may find a way of presenting it such that it won’t look as bad, etc. just dont!

Get some professional advice. You can't afford not to. Free half hour with a solicitor and womens aid. He's taking advantage big time. You and your children deserve more. Don't sell yourself or them short. £5K is ridiculously low. He's laughing at you! Wise up.

I took a very uneven settlement. Because I felt guilty. ExH kept the marital home, our car and a lump sum so he's mortgage free. Judge did not bat an eyelid

No advice but I really hope you take him to the cleaners, you got together when you were 18 and he was 35, had two kids with him and he wants to leave you high and dry. Hope you get legal aid.

OP - where are you based?

You will both need to do full financial disclosure showing
Property
Cars/other assets
Pensions
Savings
Debts

If you lived with him from 18 then got married - 10 years will be counted.

You can't decide what figure to accept until you know all this information. Get a solicitor!

DO NOT accept such a ridiculous offer. 🤦🏻‍♀️

He's been playing you since you were very young and naive so it's time to stop relying on older men to look after you (?) and to stand on your own two feet and say " No, you will not get to fuck me over anymore!"

You can do this. Show your children what you're made of.
Best of luck OP. 👍

This.

You can't make an informed decision without knowledge of his pension etc.

Time to stand up for yourself.

If you were legally married in this country you are entitled to 50% of joint assets, unless you signed a pre-nup or similar. To offer you 5K is a ruddy insult! Sounds like a real gent... NOT!
Good luck 💐