Bit of a long one - so I’ll apologise now, and try keep it shorter than what it is.
my child’s dad and myself broke up in 2023, he has seen her 4 times since then (he suffers with mental and physical health) and has a lot of finical issues.
i always facilitated contact as best as i could, infact I went beyond what I should have to help him, the last time he seen our child was last year in July and he had her for two hours and then rang me to pick him up(myself and my new partner took them to the local park and also collected them as they had no money and he wasn’t well) himself and his gf quoted ‘ we’ve had enough now and we need a joint’ which shocked us as he hadn’t seen her for 6 months prior… anyways after this our child starting having horrific nightmares about her dad ‘taking her away or kidnapping her’ it was out of nowhere, me and him don’t get on as he had an affair and after we broke up he promised our child he’d still be around to do the school runs ect, next thing we knew he was living 5hrs away in a different part of the UK.
anyways, I had been keeping a huge secret - that this man had abused me for 5 years, controlled me, physically assaulted me, used coercive behaviour, and mentally tortured me and made me fearful to ever leave him.
when my daughter wanted to see him, I facilitated the contact because that was her wishes, she loved him and even though she knew her daddy had ‘a bad temper’ she wanted to see him (he never physically hurt her)
anyways, for weeks after the last contact my daughter started exhibiting fear of her dad and told us he had told her ‘behind a tree, that he was taking her away from mammy and she didn’t have a say’ this frightened her so much and she stopped speaking to him, I would try and FaceTime and he would cry on the phone to, making our daughter feel so uncomfortable.
I stopped contact in July 2024 & finally reported the abuse, as I could see the abuse and control was being transferred onto our child as he knew he couldn’t get to me anymore, I always thought ‘ he can hurt me, but he’ll never hurt her’ but when she started showing her fear and not wanting to go with him, I knew I needed to tell my story and protect not just myself and my daughters.
anyways, it’s been 8 months since he seen her last, there’s been social media posts about me saying lies, harrassment, his gf has messsged off different numbers including her 10yr olds phone!!
family courts finally contacted me today, and I need to respond with 7 days I’m just waiting on my solicitor now to contact me.
I have so much evidence against him, videos, emails and texts, texts of him admitting the abuse c videos of the abuse with my child in the room and saying ‘you’re going to fu*k that kid up, deadbeat mother like the rest of them’ and my little one repeats a certain memory - where I had to lock us in a different room and barricade the door because he was trying to attack me, my daughter can remember this and has started telling people, she’s having help in school and last week I had to carry her to school as she was crying she was scared her dad was going to come and ‘pinch’ her from school, her teacher reassured her that she’s safe and they wouldn’t let him take her, it broke ours hearts.
his biggest form of abuse, was the courts - he had taken his ex (his others child’s mother to court 3 times and won) I may add he’s now lost his PR rights through the courts due to not turning up after putting his other baby’s mother through absolute hell for 3 years!! 😞 but he would threaten me with caffcass, and quote he knows the system and will ‘always win’ and about how clever he is, and that no judge will stop him ect, so my BIGGEST fear is the family courts - I will be open and honest with caffcass and the courts, but I truly and terrified.
i am so scared they will give him contact, and my daughter is going to be absolutely terrified and so upset, her MH is going to end up being trauma, and knowing as her mother that I can’t protect me is absolutely torturing my soul… any advice on how I navigate this? I will forever tell my story and the truth, after all of this I’m going to tell my story officially and ‘out him’ as I never had the courage before, but I am so so so scared.
if you’ve stayed and read, THANK YOU!