Recently broke up, he now lives in a caravan - I don’t know where as he won’t provide me with the address. Have received some very oddly formal messages over the past couple of weeks about wanting 50/50 split of our 2 year old daughter. I think he is trying to trap me into saying something.
I have politely advised that I will allow only supervised contact for now, he can come to my house and spend time with his daughter. He informed me that he would be picking our daughter up from my mums (she looks after her full time whilst I work). In his latest message he’s told me “this is going to happen”. I told him I didn’t consent to that.
My understanding is he doesn’t have the automatic right to contact, but my daughter has the right to a healthy relationship with her parents.
I just want to check whether I’m doing anything wrong, I am going to speak to a solicitor. I have said he can have supervised contact in my house at weekends. But he isn’t to disrupt her routine with my mum as my daughter thrives when she has routine.
The other reasons?
When I told him I was pregnant he got drunk and rode his motorbike to another city and spent the next 9 months sleeping with other women.
When she was 6 months old he told me he wish she had died of SIDs.
He looked after her for 4 hours when she was a baby and I came home to him crying that it was too hard and so from that moment on my mum provided exclusive “childcare”.
He had/has a prolific coke habit. There were drug bags in his wallet last month, he says they were old. May 2024 he accidentally did ketamine, thinking it was coke and I had to collect him from the pub he was working at (lost that job).
He made a joke to his sister, in front of our daughter that he’d never wanted to drop kick a child more than when she was ill and grumpy.
He actively ignored that I had a fever and was very ill walking out leaving me to deal with her and didn’t return. Until 3.30am.
He would say he was coming home from a night out or work and then turn up 4 hours later (he was lying and then would ignore his phone). This bothers me because I don’t know if I can trust anything he says.
He said that when she has a typical toddler tantrum in public that she should go straight home, that people shouldn’t take their kids out if they’re going to be difficult.
He forgets to give her water. He gets up at 2pm. He doesn’t have a job except a weekend pub job.
He was violent towards me once nearly a year ago, but hasn’t been since. He has been quite emotionally abusive and horrible towards me after alcohol. But not violent again.
I firmly believe that he shouldn’t have unsupervised contact and that she wouldn’t be safe. He does not have the ability to manage frustration. I’ve exposed her to enough harm whilst we lived together, but at least I was there to pick up the pieces. I do know he loves her and wouldn’t intentionally put her in harms way but he thinks he knows best.
I cannot evidence things because I didn’t report him. Am I right in thinking if he applied for a court order they wouldn’t take his behaviour towards me into account? I can demonstrate a pattern of behaviour - I just can’t evidence it.