Help getting addict sibling out of parent’s house

[Helpwithsibling]

This is quite niche but I’m hoping someone might be able to help. I have a sibling in their 40s who has a long standing (20+ years) drug and alcohol addiction. We’ve tried everything to help them but they relapse every time. They still live with our parents and their life is basically doing cash-in-hand jobs to earn enough money to feed their addiction. They also have children from previous relationships who they don’t have custody of but do still see.

As our parents age I’m becoming increasingly worried about what happens after they die. Our parents don’t have much but they have both worked bloody hard (and still do) and were the first people in their families to buy their own home. Assuming my sibling is still alive at that point, we’re very worried that the house (my parents’ only asset) will become theirs as they live there and will eventually be sold to pay off drug debts.

My parents want to set something in stone while they’re still capable which means that legally my siblings share of any inheritance goes to my nieces & nephews, not my sibling, to prevent this happening.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is it as simple as my parents changing their wills then the executor of the will (me) setting up a trust so my siblings share of their estate goes into the trust for when my nieces & nephews reach adulthood? Also legally could I evict my sibling from the house if it’s been their home all their life?

The house can be left to anyone, with the proviso that anyone still living there can remain until they die / go into care / marry.
Your sibling has an illness, addiction. I wonder if you'd feel the same about them if their illness was, say, MS or cancer?

If you're in England your parents can definitely bequeath their property where they like. I'd write the wills ASAP and I'd get a solicitor to do it. Your parents can will the estate directly into a Trust or multiple trusts I believe (my inlaws are doing this) and this may have tax advantages. Of course there may not be much to leave, depending on future care costs.

Eviction I don't know about but someone here will. Is there any reason not to evict them now while they're a bit younger?

It's an addiction that he can choose, or not, to do something about, otherwise there would be no recovered addicts. Put your parent's needs first, OP.

@Soontobe60 To difference is that if my sibling had MS/cancer then their inheritance wouldn’t be going to a drug dealer.

@PermanentTemporary Thank you. I’d dearly love to evict sibling now but parents are understandably worried about them ending up living on the streets (which seems inevitable).

Yes I see that and it's certainly possible. At least your parents would have better lives though and it's not impossible it might change things for him.

Imo it would be a lot kinder to do it now so that he still has people in his life who take an interest.

It's not compulsory to give a person living there the right to stay at all, though obviously I'm glad that dp has given me the right to stay after his death for five years!

Yes your parents can will their money to
whomever they want.

The issue however is that currently your brother is (presumably) a dependent if theirs. Does he pay rent or keep? If no then he can legitimately challenge the will if he has been cut off as they have an ongoing contribution to supporting him.

Even if he doesn't challenge the will then there still could be a a huge hassle getting him out of the house after dp die. As they age there is more room for him to abuse and steal/take advantage of them, draining their funds more actively.

This can all be avoided by getting him out of the house now. If he's dealing drugs can you call the police? Can your parents see that they are just enabling him? They are not saving him by housing him.

@Cerialkiller I couldn’t agree more.

What a ridiculous comment.

I grew up with an alcoholic mother. No one chooses to have cancer or MS but addicts choose.. yes they choose.. to have that drink or take drugs for the first time. It might be categorised by some as an illness but it’s something that can be overcome. It might be hard but it can be done and it’s a choice.

Cancer and MS usually can’t be cured. And not a fucking chance in hell would I leave my hard earned property to some addict to fund their disgusting habit.

I think your parents should get legal advice. This will help them think about what they want to happen and the Solicitor write their wills based on their wishes and will be aware of any risks and pitfalls - if your brother is living at their house rent free he may be a dependent and have some rights. We paid a Solicitor to do our wills, I felt it was money well spent.

Cut to the chase - you are very worried that you won't get any of the money your parents earned and invested in their home after they die. How do they feel about that concept?

I wouldn't advise kicking your sibling out of the family home when they're suffering from a severe illness. The fact they're still working and paying for their own habit is more than many.
They may not want to get well, but you should treat them with kindness as they are extremely vulnerable.

Your parents can make wills leaving the house to anyone they want, if its not your brother then it might be a good idea for them to state that they are deliberately not leaving it to him and why.
However, what would that actually look like once they are both gone? Would he pack up quitely and leave? Would you have to evict him? Evictions take a long time and cost money and he could trash the place in the meantime
Its a really difficult situation

Are you ignored by everyone in real life? Is this why you have to come on anonymous websites to deliberately provoke to try and get some attention. So sad.

@Eyesopenwideawake Absolutely not. They live in a tiny ex-council house that it’s worth very much. I’m not in any way after their money, but they themselves are very worried about everything they’ve worked for basically funding a county lines drug gang. What you’ve said is hugely insulting & couldn’t be further from the truth.

I literally don't think I know a single adult who did not "choose to take that first drink". Do you? I don't drink at all but I have had a drink in my life and if I had been prone to alcoholism it might have turned out very differently. Of course there are behavioral elements to addiction but it's not nearly as black and white as you make it seem. I have an addict in my family and I agree that at some point you can't keep caring for them but it is a very complicated and painful decision.

OP are your parents on board with evicting the sibling now? Are they ok with you evicting him after they die? If not, perhaps they could use his portion of the inheritance to set up a trust that would have strict terms on what it could be used for but hopefully fund rent and some basic expenses for as long as it lasts.

You may wish to consider looking at Lasting power of attorney to safeguard your parents further down the line.

if they become frail, unable to say no to your siblings ensuring you can oversee their finances keeps them safe.

They still retain rights to make decisions etc but having someone to ultimately blame for saying no to something gives your parents a way out.

LPOA can only be out in place whilst your parents are mentally fit. It can be put in place years before it may be needed and ends on death.
If you are changing a will anyway you may wish to consider it.

The solicitor should offer you advice about options based on the specific information you provide. They should offer advice about the housing situation too.

we’re very worried that the house (my parents’ only asset) will become theirs as they live there and will eventually be sold to pay off drug debts

Your parents could leave the house in trust to the nephews and nieces with a life interest to your sibling, thereby guaranteeing a roof over his/her head until they die or go into care with the house then passing to the next generation.

Regardless of the rights or wrongs, if your DB is an addict then letting him stay in your DPs house after they die could be a big mistake. If your DB pays no keep then will he pay any bills or do any maintenance or will the house just rot away. As he's a drug addict the county lines problem could be more direct, there's the possibility of a dealer taking over the house as a base of operation and feeding your DBs addiction. I'd encourage your DPs to get some legal advice

@Helpwithsibling I'm in the exact same situation. Except now the relationships have broken down (other reasons), brother though still lives with our parents he's 58, we're sure he's still using drugs, if not he's doing a good job of looking like a drug user.
We've been told that if he's over 60 he might have a claim to remaining in the house.
However I've walked away because it's messy & my parents have made him that way by enabling him all these years.
I appreciate that your situation is different.
Show your DP my post, this is the ghost of Christmas future...!

@Nextdoor55 Very sorry you’re in the same situation. It’s really hard isn’t it. I have considered walking away & being asked to be written out of their will so I don’t have to deal with this but I really worry that my mum might be left on her own with my sibling if my Dad died first (although nothing to stop me stepping back in if that happened i suppose).

I would assume that by the time the sibling dies, the house will have fallen into rack and ruin and would probably be worth very little. The sibling may also invite or allow other addicts and drug dealers to live in their home who it will be very difficult to evict on the sibling's death.

It's à massive worry. And I can see how messy it'll be in the future & I think you're right to be both suspicious & concerned

I would put LPA in place as soon as possible, you can do the forms yourself.
It would make sense to get sibling onto a council house waiting list now to hopefully get them independently established before your parents become incapacitated.

Re the will there is less chance of it being contested if something is left to sibling rather than cut out. Money only to be spent on rehab perhaps?

What a fertile imagination you have!