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Original poster

Name changed - please help separation possible

14 replies

PleasehelpNotsurewhattodo · 22/12/2024 15:32

Husband works abroad for approximately ten months of the year. It is no fucking marriage .
He returns home sporadically. He’s cold, spoilt ( used to marching to his own drum ) and lacks desire to be with me intimately.
Without being too outing , I’ve recently been v unwell. Still recovering. Husband acts likes he’s 12: still wants to have ‘ fun’ etc etc
It’s fucking jarring . He is refusing to spend any time with my family this Christmas; one of whom is unwell .

We have three children. I don’t work currently. Rent the house .
What the Jeff do I do?

I have almost had enough. Please can anyone help me.

OP posts:
PTSDBarbiegirl · 22/12/2024 15:39

Go with your instincts which seem to be indicating you are very dissapointed and unhappy. Explore your circumstances and what this means for your separation with a lawyer. Stay calm, knowing that you’ve made a decision and that your life will be a bit complicated for a little while but then much happier. Avoid your partner while he’s around. Look into alternative rentals for when you know your financial situation. You’ll never look back, I promise you.

Original poster
PleasehelpNotsurewhattodo · 22/12/2024 15:49

PTSDBarbiegirl · 22/12/2024 15:39

Go with your instincts which seem to be indicating you are very dissapointed and unhappy. Explore your circumstances and what this means for your separation with a lawyer. Stay calm, knowing that you’ve made a decision and that your life will be a bit complicated for a little while but then much happier. Avoid your partner while he’s around. Look into alternative rentals for when you know your financial situation. You’ll never look back, I promise you.

Thank you so much for your kind reply.
I really , really appreciate it.

OP posts:
TheFlis · 22/12/2024 15:55

Will you be able to work again in future? I would be concerned that if you end it he will go abroad permanently and it will be very hard to get any money out of him for the kids.

Original poster
PleasehelpNotsurewhattodo · 22/12/2024 16:00

TheFlis · 22/12/2024 15:55

Will you be able to work again in future? I would be concerned that if you end it he will go abroad permanently and it will be very hard to get any money out of him for the kids.

I really hope so. I’ve been off for the past three years with mental and physical illness and surgeries.

I am qualified in what I do and have been doing an online course to upskill and improve myself.

My husband I believe loves me but he comes first . As does his work. And he can and has been very cruel to me emotionally; not least yesterday where he called me a bitch.

I deserve to be happy. My children even more so.

I have a had enough of this shit.

OP posts:
BlackChunkyBoots · 22/12/2024 16:02

I would try and get a job, any job. Later on think about upskilling but at the moment you need your own revenue stream.

In the new year see a solicitor.

BlackChunkyBoots · 22/12/2024 16:02

Crosspost with OP.

Original poster
PleasehelpNotsurewhattodo · 22/12/2024 16:06

BlackChunkyBoots · 22/12/2024 16:02

I would try and get a job, any job. Later on think about upskilling but at the moment you need your own revenue stream.

In the new year see a solicitor.

I will as soon as but I am in a bit of a predicament in that I am getting over surgery plus serious complications and now two secondary infections. I’m trying . I promise.

OP posts:
Original poster
PleasehelpNotsurewhattodo · 22/12/2024 16:07

Definitely going to see a family solicitor asap in the New Year.

OP posts:
Cerialkiller · 22/12/2024 16:24

Do you have access to money? Can you squirrel some away to cover a deposit/moving costs? Ideally you wouldn't move out at all. If he isn't there most of the time is there a chance you could stay in the house? I assume he could simply stop paying rent? Is it just him on the tenancy or both?

Do you know what his income is? Ensure you keep evidence of this and pension stuff if you can in case things go sour.

In your position I would wait until he is next away then use that period to sort everything out.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 22/12/2024 16:24

Be sure to see a solicitor unconnected to him. You are having a really tough time OP, it can all be so so much better. I was in a violent marriage and once I’d made the decision to seek divorce I was able to cope in the short term with ex as I knew it would soon be at an end. If I was to go through it again I’d have left 10 years previous as my children were affected and my own health suffered. I still have issues but it’s all good and under control, but the raw will to be in a safe happy space will get you through. Keep chatting here you’ll get lots of support. Take care

NoOneKnowsWhoYouAre · 22/12/2024 16:27

I was you in this situation 6 years ago. Husband lived abroad, would come home and do his own thing. I left. I'm remarried and very happy.

Original poster
PleasehelpNotsurewhattodo · 22/12/2024 16:35

Cerialkiller · 22/12/2024 16:24

Do you have access to money? Can you squirrel some away to cover a deposit/moving costs? Ideally you wouldn't move out at all. If he isn't there most of the time is there a chance you could stay in the house? I assume he could simply stop paying rent? Is it just him on the tenancy or both?

Do you know what his income is? Ensure you keep evidence of this and pension stuff if you can in case things go sour.

In your position I would wait until he is next away then use that period to sort everything out.

Definitely can squirrel some money away but can also speak to my parents, who I know will help me but given the circumstances I don’t want to stress about or worry them.

He earns a good salary. I know his pension as well.

I really didn’t want it to go this way . I’m n the verge of tears constantly, dosed up on medication to ease my physical/ mental symptoms as well as try to deal with the reality f being in pain as well the worry of my poorly family member.

Thank you for your support .

OP posts:
Original poster
PleasehelpNotsurewhattodo · 22/12/2024 16:37

NoOneKnowsWhoYouAre · 22/12/2024 16:27

I was you in this situation 6 years ago. Husband lived abroad, would come home and do his own thing. I left. I'm remarried and very happy.

I am so glad that you are happy 🩷

It is fucking bullshit. I am living a bit of a dogs life and he is living it up.

Next year , he is away for four months straight.

It is bollocks .

OP posts:
Original poster
PleasehelpNotsurewhattodo · 22/12/2024 16:38

Sorry to add: beginning of the year. Latter part : six months

OP posts:
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