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Original poster

Intimidating ex won’t stop

8 replies

Roj09 · 17/12/2024 19:57

Hi, my child’s dad is relentless. He took me to court to get 50/50 which I had already said was fine but whilst there he added in numerous thing to which I had no chance to respond or raise any issues of my own. The order was written up to basically what he wanted. Ultimately it’s doable yet quite frustrating that none of my issues were heard. The main sticking point is that he proposed a 2 week rota where we have week A (5 days including weekend) and week B (2 days). Just before this went through he had her every Friday and decided to put her into a club. During the hearing he said she has to continue going to this club regardless of whose day it falls on. They added to the order that ‘I must support my child in extra curricular activities and specifically this club’. This was an issue as the club was 20 minutes away and I don’t drive, but my partner ended up taking time off work to take her. The next year the time got pushed back an hour and the following year another hour. It’s now become an issue with my other children and dinner times for us all, my partner works a different job so isn’t always able to take her. On top of this, over the last year or so she’s really gone off of the club, tantrums about not wanting to go, taking her all the way just for her to refuse going on, complaining she wants to just stay in and play with her sisters and toys. So now I leave it solely up to her, if she doesn’t want to then she doesn’t go.

Today I received a letter from a solicitors telling me I have broken the court order on 3 separate occasions. Not replying to him in adequate time (matters regarding my child are replied to almost instantly, whereas issues regarding him clearly being awkward or pointless messages are replied to in due course), not supporting her in her gymnastics and not keeping him updated with doctors and dental appointments (I do, I have all messages saved and proof I message after every appointment so confused on that one)

Anyway, my child now has shown an interest in doing a different club right on my doorstep on my Friday, whilst still doing the other club on his Friday, she is more than happy with this and in my opinion suits each party perfectly.

Does anybody have any opinions on this, am I reading this situation completely wrong and I’m in fact the one in the wrong?

OP posts:
JohnofWessex · 17/12/2024 20:35

If he goes to court then its all up for renegotiation again so 'see you in Court then' is not necessarily a bad thing (as my ex found out)

The other string to your bow is that his Solicitors have to act with care and ensure that they dont allow themselves to be used to harass you.

The general principal of law is 'He who asserts proves' so please give full details with relevant evidence of the alleged breaches' might be a starting point.

Original poster
Roj09 · 17/12/2024 21:55

Thanks for your reply, secretly I have been hoping for him to initiate court because I feel like I’d be more prepared this time. A lot of the current court order is very vague on a lot of things. I’m just worried as he has the money for solicitors etc and will I just get run over and bullied. Ultimately my child is perfectly fine (there are slight concerns she’s raised from his house and his partner) but nothing I’d go out of my way to make into a bigger thing. He keeps pushing mental health, social services, school help, all of which have come back with nothing (mental health actually logged they think he should attend a parenting course to better deal with her) but in my eyes I don’t have anything that will go against me except she doesn’t go to a club that she doesn’t wish to attend…

OP posts:
Original poster
Roj09 · 18/12/2024 10:47

Bump

OP posts:
WhoopsNow · 18/12/2024 11:47

Let him take you to court.

Write up all the things that your not happy with in the current order do your prepared. If they raise other things they want amended then ask the judge for time to dicuss consider them and dicuss them with your solicitor. Personally, I think if he wants her to do a club on Friday then that day should be his day and he should facilitate it.

if he does take you back to court it might be worth changing the order entirely so you do set days. i think its better for the kids. They know what they need in what house and exactly where they are goung to be. For example you do Monday to Wednesday. He does Thursday and Friday and you alternate weekends.

Have you responded to the solicitor letter?

Original poster
Roj09 · 18/12/2024 15:01

WhoopsNow · 18/12/2024 11:47

Let him take you to court.

Write up all the things that your not happy with in the current order do your prepared. If they raise other things they want amended then ask the judge for time to dicuss consider them and dicuss them with your solicitor. Personally, I think if he wants her to do a club on Friday then that day should be his day and he should facilitate it.

if he does take you back to court it might be worth changing the order entirely so you do set days. i think its better for the kids. They know what they need in what house and exactly where they are goung to be. For example you do Monday to Wednesday. He does Thursday and Friday and you alternate weekends.

Have you responded to the solicitor letter?

As I’ve said, it was kind of all his issues that were dealt with. I (probably naively) went in expecting to agree to the 50:50 as that’s what the previous letters stated was the issue. He turned up with a folder and I was a bit blown away. Each time I tried to put up an explanation or my side I was kind of knocked back. He picked the schedule of days and I agreed with no issues, then after he has tried enrolling our child in numerous clubs, even on my 2 day week with her. Each time I say no for various reasons (mainly our daughter is run down after school and just wants to relax) he reminds me the court order says I must support her in clubs etc and he will take me back if I don’t follow it.

Regarding replying to the solicitors letter, this is all very alien to me. Considering when I got the letter it was open and stuck down with cellotape, and the print all looks a little iffy. As well as this the letter looks like he’s typed it out word for word, a lot of it is ‘the child says this, this child says that, it’s in the child’s best interest if you do this’ so I was doubting the legitimacy of it to be honest…

Am I supposed to reply?

Thank you for your reply!

OP posts:
Original poster
Roj09 · 18/12/2024 15:04

JohnofWessex · 17/12/2024 20:35

If he goes to court then its all up for renegotiation again so 'see you in Court then' is not necessarily a bad thing (as my ex found out)

The other string to your bow is that his Solicitors have to act with care and ensure that they dont allow themselves to be used to harass you.

The general principal of law is 'He who asserts proves' so please give full details with relevant evidence of the alleged breaches' might be a starting point.

Thanks for your reply, secretly I have been hoping for him to initiate court because I feel like I’d be more prepared this time. A lot of the current court order is very vague on a lot of things. I’m just worried as he has the money for solicitors etc and will I just get run over and bullied. Ultimately my child is perfectly fine (there are slight concerns she’s raised from his house and his partner) but nothing I’d go out of my way to make into a bigger thing. He keeps pushing mental health, social services, school help, all of which have come back with nothing (mental health actually logged they think he should attend a parenting course to better deal with her) but in my eyes I don’t have anything that will go against me except she doesn’t go to a club that she doesn’t wish to attend…

OP posts:
Hadalifeonce · 18/12/2024 15:11

As I told my SiL, who received a letter from a solicitor, claiming all sorts of crap. It isn't the solicitor speaking, it is her exH who is using the solicitor as a mouthpiece.
My suggestion to her was to respond asking for evidence of all his claims of 'wrongdoing', unsurprisingly, the reply to her was a lot less threatening.

Whyherewego · 18/12/2024 15:22

Given its in a court order I think you need to go back to court to get this amended
You can prepare this time eg you should not be obliged to take a child to a club that you can't get to because you don't drive.
So I suggest actually going to court and getting this done

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