Abusive ex says he can move back in?!

[Happierin2025]

Does anyone know what my rights are?

My extremely abusive ex boyfriend wants to move back in with me and our kids. He’s been living with a mate these last few months since he ‘left’ (the next door neighbours called the police during a particularly awful altercation, he was arrested and a temporary non mol order was issued). He has now fallen out with his mate (so has nowhere to live) and has also just lost his job too (so can’t afford his own place).

He says he can move back in whenever he likes as it’s his house (I pay the mortgage but the house is in both names). Is this right? I’m genuinely scared to have him anywhere near me and don’t want the kids to be exposed to it all again. I unsuccessfully applied for a non molestation order last month before he started talking about coming home.

I don’t know what to do. He’s even told the kids he’ll be home for Christmas and has gone all Disney dad on them so they’re beyond excited about daddy coming home. The house is supposed to be going on the market in January but if he comes home he will no doubt cancel the sale. Me and the kids have nowhere else to go.

Why was your non-molestation order application unsuccessful?

Yes, as it's also his house.

You are best of speaking to the police and a domestic abuse organisation. If he's that dangerous you could apply for an occupation order but they're difficult to get.Your other option would be a refuge.

You could also try Rights of Women for free legal advice.

Yeah this.

Unfortunately it is also his house legally so he is entitled to walk through the door. Speak to police & Womens Aid.

Judge said there wasn’t enough evidence and that my ex was showing remorse. He also said that the abuse had stopped during the temporary order so recommended my ex continue to stay away from me instead, which he agreed to at the time.

@Mrsttcno1 @username299 thanks for the advice.

I won’t lie. This is a nightmare.

Sadly, if the house is in joint names, he can legally walk back in and start living there again. You can't change the locks either, as that would be illegal. To sell the property, as the property is in joint names, he has to agree. I agree with others, you need to speak to the police and Women's Aid. You also need to note down anything he does/says, that is classed as abusive. Dates, times and keep it factual.

OMG so I have to let him back home and endure more abuse in order to document it?
Can a refuge take us in quickly if he does turn up? Everyone irl has told me not to leave the family home under any circumstances. I am so exhausted.

@Sassybooklover he has agreed to the sale but I know if he thinks he is ‘back’ in my life and home he’ll cancel the whole thing.

Have you heard of an occupation order?

Was there social services involved after the police incident?;can they support you as him being abusive poses a risk to the children if he lives there.

Have you sought legal advice regarding the house ownership?

You can contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247 They are open 24/7.

You can also contact the police on 101 and ask for advice.

Thank you. Yes - but a pp said Occupation Order is hard to get?

Social services visited once and were very lovely and understanding but haven’t heard from them since. Ex is a risk to the kids but not physically. It’s all shouting, screaming, swearing, punching walls and extreme control (example: we were not allowed to talk in the morning).

Solicitor actually advised me to change the locks so I have.

Thank you and to PPs. I will definitely call the police for advice tomorrow. I have asked a friend in irl to be with me when I do.

You said your NMO was unsuccessful because he told the judge he would stay away.

Well, now he's not, so you reapply for the NMO as a matter of urgency tomorrow morning. Take your application to court and wait for an urgent hearing.

You can apply for an occupation order on the same form, but these take longer to get, so the NMO is the way to go.

He lied to the judge, so evidence shows you need one.

Form FL401. No court fee to apply.

@JustAnotherLawyer2 I could cry. Thank you so much for this advice.

I don’t have anything in writing from the court that says my ex promised to stay away though. Will that matter? The judge was so dismissive last time I am a bit worried about the court taking me seriously enough.

And sorry to drip feed but ex is a drug addict too which was a huge contributor to when he was abusive. Or at least he used to be (our toddler even found his cocaine not that long ago) but has promised he is now clean. The police weren’t very interested when I told them and social services said it looked bad on me that I was allowing him to take drugs in the house.

What did social services suggest you do? Would this information help with trying to get an occupation order?

this. Don’t be put off by last time, things are different now

I've no useful advice but stay strong. You can do this. You deserve much much better. People often say you should do it for the kids and that is true. But you alone are good enough reason to do this, you're worth it.

I am so glad you have changed the locks.
Get your solicitor to email saying the non mol is being applied for again and to stay away from the house

No he is absolutely DEAD WRONG! Been where you are with my abusive ex got the t shirt threw it away and never want it back!!
If he has no job and not paid anything for a while towards the mortgage you have the right to the house. You need to get him removed off the house. If you have been paying the mortgage and can show her hasn't and also has no job etc it should not be too hard. You need to make calls asap. You do not have to let him in at all. Please don't! The fact he's saying he can move back in and you're unsure shows the power he has over you still and the manipulation. These men are clever and will do anything to get back in at the table. Please think of your children. No matter how good (or bad) of a dad he is the kids do not need to be subjected to witness or hear violence and trust me you might not think they know but they do. You need to set an example to the kids of what a strong parent is and what is not acceptable and is. They will base their own relationships on what they learn at home.
If I was you I'd cut contact entirety with your ex. If he has been violent you could be entitled to legal aid. But first thing get his name off the house!
You don't have to tell him anything about what you're doing. Just know that he will be violent again especially with no job. It's always the way.

Get a new NMO/occupation order application in immediately on an emergency basis. Also inform the police of what is happening too. They will advise you to call them if he turns up. Also let your ex know that you’ve alerted the police. If you can, alert your neighbours plus friends and family about what is happening and arrange for one or more of them to come over when he tries to move back in. They don’t need to confront him, they’re just there to support you and provide info to the police when he arrives.

luckily, my ex backed down when I did the
above. He never showed up on the day he said that he was going to move back in. Good luck x