Ex Husband threatening to maliciously cancel passports

[Imtheproblemitsme788]

Ex and I have been separated for five years. He was and is very emotionally abusive. He has minimal contact with our child, often going weeks or months without contact. His visits are supervised by me (unofficially) as he has issues with alcohol, is unpredictable and has previously been unfit to look after our child.

I had discussed going away for Christmas for three days to which he said was he was fine with. I have since found myself in a position to take our child to Disney and have told him that’s where we will be going and he is now saying it is not okay and is threatening to maliciously cancel our passports.

Should I actually be concerned? The trip is for three days, we all share the same last name and there is no court order. I had told him out of courtesy rather than asking permission as I thought it not required with him having so little input into our lives.

I’m disappointed that he says he would do this to our child.

Well he was silly to tell you his plan. Can you ring the passport office and explain the situation and ask for a note to be made that only you can cancel these passports?

Not sure he would be able to cancel passports, but he could stop you from taking your DC abroad. I would be more concerned about that!

I haven’t articulated this well but this is what I am concerned about. How would he be able to do this please?

As he has PR, you need his consent to take your child out of the country unless you have a Child Arrangements Order saying that your child lives with you, or you get a Specific Issue Order allowing you to take your child on this holiday. If you take your child out of the country without his consent or a court order you will be committing a criminal offence. Having said that, this is an offence that many people commit every year. In most cases it doesn't cause a problem, but a few people are prevented from taking their holiday because they cannot show that they the other parent's permission or a court order.

The safest thing in this situation would be to get an urgent Specific Issue Order allowing the holiday.

Do you have this in writing, if so you've got proof it's malicious and I'd just go. You can prove to immigration that you are dealing with a malicious partner. Or maybe he's just screwing with you? Plus he can't cancel your passport.

As posters above explained, has Parental Responsibility so he has a say over a few things, one of them is your DC being taken out of the country. You need to ask him, in writing, if he is ok with this and if he says No, you need to apply for a court order to allow you to go. If he says he doesn't allow your DC to travel and you still go, it will be considered a kidnapping and I would strongly advice to avoid this.

A lot of people travel without their ex partner's explicit consent, but if your ex decides to be difficult he could say he never gave you a permission, and as you would have no prove he did you could be in trouble.

There is a court order you can have that states you are the resident parent and in that case you can go away without his permission for 30 days at a time.

Thank you this is really helpful.

To those asking I do have him saying this in writing, I won’t communicate with him over the phone.

I also have in writing him saying he was ok with the trip initially. It is Disney specifically he has taken issue with because he feels “he should be the one to take her”.

Then just agree with him that he should be the one to take her. Tell.him you'll go to France centerparks instead and go to Disney anyway

He won't be able to cancel your passport. And I believe now that it's only the person who applied for the child's passport can say that it's lost or stolen. So if that's you then it shouldn't be an option for him.

But I'd do was the pp said and agree you'll go elsewhere in France and then just do Disney anyway.

You only need his permission to go to France for a few days. And in future, dont give him too many details. Just say - I'm going to Spain (for example) for a week, can you sign the letter.

Edited - but I would also try to build a civil relationship with him, for the sake of your DC. So you have to respect his (reasonable) wishes, and he has to respect yours. He needs to understand that he, equally, will need your permission to take your DC abroad, so its best to be diplomatic. Also, courts cost money, it always works better to have an agreement outside of going to court.