Lasting power of attorney

[advicethrowaway]

My parents are ageing and looking to set up lasting power of attorney, my mum wants me (late 20s) and another family member (early 30s) to have LPA but my dad doesn't want family member to have LPA due to them suffering with severe mental health issues, drug& alcohol abuse, not acting in his best interests, and being all around unreliable and hard to get ahold of but my mum is insistent.

I have explained I don't think it's a good idea as said family member has reacted poorly in the past to his health problems (not respecting wishes at the hospital, going incommunicado, running away etc) and when events have happened in the past where family member has been unable to make good decisions for themselves so how can we trust them to make good decisions for my parents in a crisis.

I am worried if we both have LPA in an emergency situation I won't be able to contact them/they will make unreasonable decisions which could potentially have life ending consequences for my parents.

How do I talk my mum round get her to understand this?

I understand from her point of view that she wants it to be fair and include her family but the idea makes me (and my dad) very uncomfortable.

I have no intentions of shutting this family member out from having any input if LPA did come into play but I don't think the family member is mentally capable to enough to shoulder the responsibility it entails.

if your mum wants to be fair then suggest she bequeath something in her will. Absolutely do not put this person on: from personal experience of having to go to court and still use solicitors despite judgements for your sanity find a way to stop her. Promise your mum you will endeavour to involve the relative when they are well however the relative sounds as though they would lack capacity at times to be able to act upon your parents behalf.

You may want to point out to your mum that in her endeavour to be fair she is being very unfair to the other attourney (be that you or otherwise) so she needs to reframe her thinking. If she is worries about hurt feelings suggest she writes a letter for the the other person to be handed over when they lose capacity.

ETA: If she insists you have to ensure that it is both jointly and severely for the attorneys to act: if it’s jointly only and the relative has gone awol you are in a very tough spot indeed

My sister and I have joint PoA for our mother. Jointly and severally as advised when my mother set them up (she originally thought jointly was best until the problems with that were pointed out) My sister doesn't do anything under it at present, I help out with some banking and other online transactions. In order to use it my sister would need to get a copy of it which she currently doesn't have; albeit I'd happily give it to her.

Your other relative would be notified as part of an application, but could remain as a theoretical participant I think. The other thing would be to name them and / or someone else as a secondary attorney in case you were unable to act. Perhaps your mother would feel more comfortable with that approach.

Remember to make sure your parents are each other’s PoA as well as you. At the end of the day it’s ultimately your Mum’s choice who she has as PoA and you Dad can have different PoA.