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Legal matters

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Taking my kids dad to court for emotional abuse

15 replies

Joelin · 05/12/2024 02:34

Hello I’m looking for some advice because my ex is making me lose my mind. Me and my ex broke up three years ago because of dv. I moved away after a long 8 year relationship to start again fresh. In the three years I have taken him back and recently broke up this July because I lost feelings completely. We have three children 5,3 and 2. He has always been emotionally abusive to me and the children, he has them every fortnight and when they come home they are a complete state not washed or been cleaned my daughters hair won’t be taken out brushed and her hair is thining. He recently had the police at his while my children was there because his neighbour tried to climb though his window and attack him and social phoned me because the police was concerned of the state of his property. My middle child come home rope playing with his dolls screaming “I’ve got to go work” and said he get sad when dad didn’t come soft play because he’s dad left him for work. He has changed his weekends multiple time going 3-4 weeks without seeing them against court order and recently changed jobs and swapped to my weekends but I was suppose to start work and he told me I’ll have to deal with it. He leaves my children with my sister to play football. My sister lost her kids because she was violent towards her she takes random prescription drugs not her own and has hallucinations and once nearly blew her hole street up on purpose so I’d never leave them and I’ve asked him to stop and he won’t my oldest son is non verbal and came home slapping his own hand it’s left me heartbroken. He also has been been taken off speech and language, hearing and pre school development team because I couldn’t make it to the meetings because I Always had three kids and they would always rearrange because the work couldn’t be done. There dad agrees to appointment but on the day never comes it’s all the time and my children health is suffering for it. My middle child constantly asked for calls off his dad and he never answer when I ask. He wet himself for the first time when his dad was her two weeks ago and apparently does it a lot at his. since then he keeps doing it on the way to school he had an accident I asked him is there a reason he’s not making it to the toilet. He replied because I want to so I asked why do you and he said because daddy will phone and tell me off so he’s started getting attention seeking disorder and when I ask him to call or try and compromise he tells me “we’re not in a relationship anymore” “this is what you wanted to be a single mum”. Like that has anything to do with our parental responsibility. I was sexually assaulted 4 months ago and he said I deserved it. But he’s been expecting me to let him stay here on his weekends and me clean cook and do everything for him and the kids and then expected it the following weekend and this is how he always worms his way in and this time I really don’t see a relationship ever happening I just want him to be a good dad I’ve filed to return back to court because I can no longer live like this or watch my chidren be destroyed by the person who supposed to be there protector

OP posts:
NavyTiger · 05/12/2024 03:01

There's no chance my children would be spending time with this so called man

Needanadultgapyear · 05/12/2024 08:53

I would be stopping contact and let him take me to court - he almost certainly won't bother.
Keep records of incidents and dates.
Make your life without having to rely on him at all.

LIZS · 05/12/2024 09:15

Is there a court order that they have to see him? If not, refuse overnights, if so you need to go back to the professionals involved to review. Not sure what your sister's case has to do with yours though

Foreverhope1 · 05/12/2024 09:16

Op, for your children's sake don't send them to him. Claim CMS, benefits etc, as you need to be financially independent of him.
Get help from social services/counselling as you'll need it to help keep you on track plus to avoid repeating the same scenario.

TheFormidableMrsC · 05/12/2024 09:24

Agree with stop contact and let him take you to court. He's damaging the children and they will suffer. He's not keeping them safe, he's leaving them with a person who is a danger to them. You have to stop contact. Please contact Women's Aid and let them help you.

CurlyCabbage · 05/12/2024 09:29

LIZS · 05/12/2024 09:15

Is there a court order that they have to see him? If not, refuse overnights, if so you need to go back to the professionals involved to review. Not sure what your sister's case has to do with yours though

I think its because OP mentioned her ex leaves the children with her sister to go and play football. OP has highlighted the reasons for her not being a suitable person to look after her kids.

Womblewife · 05/12/2024 09:31

Stop the contact !!! Let him go to court and cafcass can do an assessment of him. Your kids are not safe

BodyKeepingScore · 05/12/2024 09:36

You need to put your children first and stop facilitating contact with this man.

He is not capable of being a protective father.

No court case in the land will change that.

Your children are showing obvious signs of distress at the situation and if their father is unable to step up and parent them appropriately then they rely solely on you to do so.

You need to attend appointments relevant to your child's wellbeing and development, even if that means bringing your other children with you. Many parents, lone or otherwise have to do it.

I'm also not sure what you mean by "attention seeking disorder"? A distressed child trying to have their needs met is not some kind of attention seeking disorder. It's them communicating their needs with the limited means available to them.

Joelin · 05/12/2024 21:55

I want to stop contact it’s just so hard because I know they love him I don’t date or have a dad myself so They have no male role model apart from him I just want him to sort himself out for the kids I just don’t know if I’m going to get anywhere taken him court

OP posts:
Joelin · 05/12/2024 21:58

He tells me to stop contact and take him court. How I’ll be begging him to take them in a few weeks. And then just shows up and I can’t just say no to him while my kids are excited to see him I don’t want to emotionally damage them as I grew up around the same I’m just not sure what to do because pick up is tomorrow and I can’t keep going like this with him

OP posts:
Joelin · 05/12/2024 22:21

This is the point I am at. I’ve contacted my solicitor to arrange an appointment to apply for a court hearing to change the agreement but I just don’t know if I stand a chance in court. They main concern is that the kids should see both parents. I’m worried if I tell them these stuff are they even going to do anything ? They can’t force him to do the stuff that is emotionally damaging my children but I can no longer sit and watch. What if they tell me I have to continue working with him. I want over night contact taken away until he finishes his work with social workers that court was supposed to make him do two years ago. I’ve started Paying for child care so I can start making his appointments my additional needs child it’s speech and language and hearing test so it’s completely different to a doctors appointment sometimes we’re there for 45 to an hour it’s important to have one to one interaction in these appointments. It’s hard with him alone never mind the two younger ones and it just became something we all dreaded.

OP posts:
LIZS · 05/12/2024 22:26

Why do you think it is up to you to go to court. If he wants contact he has to initiate it. Do you have any ss or hcp involvement with your send child?

Joelin · 05/12/2024 22:31

It’s all through text I’ve kept it all it’s just will They even care about most of this stuff? I’ve been trying to talk and compromise for a long time because my kids love there dad but I can’t sit and watch this happen anymore and him just take and take and leave us all feel sad. but will they even care about that.

OP posts:
Joelin · 05/12/2024 22:42

My kids all go different schools my eldest gets dropped off at 4pm. By that time he is already here To pick them up even after I say I don’t want contact to go ahead. There is nothing I can do I don’t want to emotionally damage my children what happens if he kicks off or phones the police or brings his mum I’ve been through a lot of trauma recently. I’ve server ptsd and anxiety and it’s something I don’t need or the kids. I’ve got no choice but to take him. I moved away to refuge and it was reported to the police so I get legal aid so I may aswell do it seen as he wont we have a court order so I’m violating it stopping them.

OP posts:
Joelin · 05/12/2024 22:49

I’m getting help from health visitor, independent sexual assault adviser and and I’m on the waiting list for counselling.
social won’t help because I’ve already so much going on he pays child maintenance but I’ve been intouch to cancel the over nights stays as I feel I shouldn’t let him think he can take and take and I’ll continue to do nothing

OP posts:
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