Confused and Worred

[Geelaurax]

Hi, recently a complaint was made from a neighbour about myself and my current partner arguing, which was heated. My partner had left of police arrival to deescalate the situation. However police have question me on domestic violence which I have completely denied, he’s a good man. I had an old yellow bruise to my knee which they took pictures of, I explained that this was nothing to do with him, it happened when I was out with the girls over a week ago (the bruise was obviously old). He was arrested and no further action was taken. Since this safeguarding have got involved as they have to notifying my ex partner who was extremely toxic and controlling, and has always been extremely jealous of my current partner who my kids love. He’s told me that he’s notified social services as he sees my new partner as a danger to me and my kids, in the meantime saying how much he loves me and wants his family back. He’s got into cahoots with my neighbour making things 10x worse (I have had runnings with my neighbour before about his promiscuity and DV trial I gave a statement for).
I fear my neighbour isn’t one bit concerned, he’s heard an argument and rang, due to him being on a suspended sentence which I gave a statement towards. My ex partners priority isn’t the children, it’s having me on my own.
I feel helpless, my partner is the most supportive man, yes we’ve had our arguments but nothing that would ever put me into danger. My ex partner will stop at nothing to have my current partner out of the picture, has been obsessive since we broke up. Any advice?

Hi OP,

Putting aside the back story, how heated was the argument? Do you row often ?

How is your relationship generally? What was the argument about ?

Re the ex and neighbour, seems like there's a lot of toxicity to live next to.

Have you had any support post the break up from the ex?

Your life seems chaotic, Op.

It must have been some argument for your neighbour to have complained, or have you posted recently about your ex and this neighbour being in cahoots?

Is this a one off argument?

I would take the space and work on myself to be honest maybe start with the freedom program

“Due to him being on a suspended sentence which I gave a statement towards”

OP, does this mean that your partner has been convicted of a crime of violence, and you were a witness? If so, I can see why everyone is concerned on hearing an altercation, particularly when there are children involved. Can you clarify this?

I think she was referring to the neighbour.

It was a heated argent but nothing warranting police.
i havent posted before.

If you gave a statement against the neighbour re abuse and the neighbour is conniving with your abusive ex to further disrupt your life then I think that information or suspicion would be relevant to pass onto SS

they need to be aware of possible malicious reporting

however the arguments with your current partner should not be ignored, often after we escape one abusive relationship we can enter another that might be abusive in a slightly different way

you may want to stick closer to your current partner bc of him being hated by your ex

yes it is horrible not to feel trusted to make your own mind up but our past experiences can influence how we are thinking

so if I were you I would state the background re the neighbour/ex and I’d accept help to look at my current relationship to make sure it wasn’t just ‘better than the ex but still abusive’

if we have a relationship we need to ensure to the best of our ability that it is a healthy, mutually respectful relationship

and it’s not unusual to need a little bit of external help when we’ve been abused before

The argument was about the way my ex is still being with me and his lack of payments.
the relationship is good overall, and me and my kids have never been happier.

Ive had family support since the breakup but not professional. Next door have been quiet since his arrest as he isn’t allowed near the women the assault was on.

Next door not my ex partner.
I understand concern when hearing altercation but I do not believe the concern is there from my ex.
Hes been sending photos to me of us before we even had children together saying we need to make this work.
Hes not stopped for 4 years.

It isn’t, but has never become physical. I have no concerns about my safety or my childrens.

If it came to the point of SS saying they believe my current partner to be a risk then 1000% I would be on my own.
But however which way I move on with my life my ex will always make things difficult.

For goodness sake when will people ever learn you are giving this to your children why?

I don't care how this sounds are you that desperate for partner? If the police don't call social services thr neighbours mighneed

my advice is focus on your children and don't let them be another endless statistic

Ditch the men and concentrate on your children and yourself. Think long term and plan on moving away from the nasty neighbour.
Your kids don’t need to be in an environment with adults arguing, police coming to the house and social services being involved. They deserve better.

This sounds like a horrific environment to be raising children in, and despite your exes motivations, I personally think he was correct to report it to social services.

You may love your partner but it is emotionally abusive to raise children in a home where arguments become so heated that the police have to be called, much less loud enough that your neighbours can hear them.

Not once in almost 15 years have either my partner or I raised our voices that loud at each other. It's horrifying that you think because you weren't at threat of physical harm that this is normal or in any way a good relationship.

Choose better men OP. I don't have heated arguments with my partner as we can discuss things like adults.

Unfortunately some of us havent been given unproblematic lives.
To state “choose better men” says a lot about you as women stating it’s my fault in the matter cause of my poor choice of men.
When emotions are involved people deal with things differently, nobody is the same. I’m very happy for you as your relationship seems practically perfect.

OP nobody is stating their relationships are perfect, all relationships have ups and downs but having arguments to the point where the police are being called is not normal, it’s concerning.
Only you can make the choice about the men you get involved with, my advice was to stay away from men for now and plan a better future for you and your children away from nasty neighbours and relationships where you are having blazing rows. Get yourself in a good position and think about relationships when you are settled. You’ll likely find yourself attracted to better men and won’t be so vulnerable to men who cause the police or social services to end up at your door.