Ex taking me back to court

[Babygirlmum]

My BD is taking me back to court due to somewhat not 100% complying with the order that was set out, bare in mind just after the order was done, in the same day and the week he was supposed to have her he piled it on me that he was going on a lads holiday so straight away it wasn't the greatest start. And then when we came back off the lads holiday he went on a cruise with his family. this was back in may of this year. He has since seen her, he took her to butlins for a few days after he came back from Ibiza and a cruise, again this was back in may/June, he hasn't been the most consistent I have always been understanding of his job etc however. Just feel like it doesn't work, she doesn't like going. Yes she is only very young, he hasn't always been in her life due to him not wanting to be when she was born, therefore I don't really respect him as a father. My daughter has a very consistent man in her life who stepped up when her own father didn't and she adores him and calls him dad and she absolutely loves him however her own dad she screams when she is around him and his family blame me for it. He has now told me that he is going to take me back to court as I haven't been complying with the order, let me add how he absolutely slags me off to the bare bone and days some really really offensive things to me. Some of the things are far to disgusting to even mention. I feel like my daughter is very happy and content with her life as it is and I do really feel like he is going to ruin her peace and happiness as he just is not enough for her and never has been. I really do not know how things are going to plan out. Has anybody been in a similar situation. What should I expect from this.

He's not even your partner but she calls him daddy? That's even worse!!

So this bloke isn’t even your partner and your child is calling him dad?

Regardless s of her actual father here that’s just not ok.

If he’s not your partner then he is going to move on to his own family soon enough, and then your daughter will be long forgotten. No woman is going to put up with a friend’s child calling her partner/husband/father of her children dad.

You need to nip that in the bud now.

He might be a dick to you and has been In the past, but unfortunately you chose to have your child and he is her father. It’s been to court and he’s got the right and order . If he can prove you haven’t been sticking to the contract then you’re in trouble. I would also have her stop calling your partner dad, he isn’t her dad and it’s not helping the situation.

You are either complying or not complying with the court order. There is no "somewhat"

A court has decided what contact and when he should have - and you need to make your child available for that contact. If he doesn't take that contact up then that is on him; you cannot decide to not send her.

Why are you enabling and allowing a child to call another man dad - stop this.
Doesn't matter that he slags you off, that you don't think he is enough for her - he is her biological dad. End of. Stop behaving so childishly - he does this so I'll do that.

If you're unhappy with how contact is affecting the child or you feel the contact is unsafe - contact social services OR apply to vary the order.

You are running the risk of enforcement proceedings against you; if he can prove you are not adhering to the court order.
Things they can do -:

Increase time spent with the father
Fines imposed on you
Unpaid work imposed on you (community service)
Change of residency - where child will live with dad and you will have contact with them

Don't talk to him then. Tell him you'll only discuss dd and if he mentions anything else put the phone down.

If you were unhappy with him breaching the order to go on holiday etc you should have taken him back to court for breaching the order, which is exactly what he's doing now.

She can't take him back to court for breaching the order. The order is on HER to make DD available. He's not breaching if he doesn't show up. However if he fails to show up frequently then she should take him back to court to vary the order but it still wouldn't be a breach.

He sees her for 3 days every couple of weeks. This is a fairly standard thing where every other weekend contact orders are made.

There are other issues here which the court would have more of a problem with if you don't let her go and you are letting her call a non partner man "dad".

The fact he may have asked you to have a termination initially is neither here nor there Lots of people might choose to request that or even choose to do that if they don't want a child at a particular time in their lives. You chose not to and on that basis he then decided he did want her in his life but later.

She will not forget him for not seeing him for just over 2 weeks. That is just ridiculous

I get you don't want to share her with him because of your issues with him. But if there is a chance he is hurting her report him to the police and social services but don't do this to be malicious only if you genuinely believe she is at risk.

You ask what you should expect from this going back to court. It seems you have not been complying with the court order, so he is taking you back to court for enforcement. The court will consider if you have justifiable reasons for breaking the order. I can't immediately see anything you have posted on here that would qualify as a justifiable reason in the court's view. If she was regularly coming back from him injured then yes, that might give justification, but coming back once with a bruise doesn't, and most of the other things you mention are not relevant at all. Allowing your daughter to refer to someone else as "dad" is a very bad move. If it comes out in court, it may lead the court to believe that you don't really have her best interests at heart.

If the court does not think you have any justifiable reasons for breaching the order, there are a range of sanctions they can apply. You may be referred to a "Planning Together for Children" course which is designed to encourage co-operative parenting. You may be given community service, or fined, or sent to prison. You may be ordered to compensate your ex for any financial loss he has suffered as a result of your failure to follow the order. In the worst case, the courts may decide that your daughter should live with her father and not you.

Realistically, the courts will start with the milder forms of enforcement and will only resort to measures such as jail or reversing residence if you continue to ignore the order.

Look OP I get how you feel. My ex did similar. Threatened me to have an abortion, abused me, threatened suicide- the lot.
Then denied paternity and wasn't part of DD life for almost a year. Threatened when I went to CMS, harassed me, made me feel scared.

It made me blood boil when he decided he wanted contact. He's a shit person and I'm worried about the affect he will have on my child.

But he's now got a court order and I know I have to make her available for contact when it says. It sucks, but it's the way it is. As others have said the implications of breaching it can basically be that you are going to look like the bad one and potentially he could get more contact or residency if he seeks it.

The system is shit, that he can just decide not to take up his contact time cause he wants to do his own thing, lads holidays and whatever else. My ex does the exact same! So I understand your anger. It should be on both sides that if he's not taking up his contact time on a regular basis that it should be reduced. But that's not the way it is now.

For your child's sake please stick to the order because otherwise you could end up with less time with her and he could become the main parent and have more of an influence of her.

In terms of new partner or close friend- totally inappropriate. Don't make yourself look like one of those mums. Just don't.

You've, by your own admission, not stuck to the court order
Your DD is also calling someone who you aren't even in a relationship with, 'Daddy'
You've asked for advice and gotten it. You just don't like what you're being told.
You need to step the fuck up here OP. You chose to have a baby with this man, your DD didn't ask to be born into this shit show.
This isn't about you

I'm sorry but mums like you disgust me!! doesn't matter what you and your partner went through, yes if he did say get an abortion the. He was wrong to say that but he now wants to be apart of his daughter's life which he's got a right to be!

The fact your letting her call some man daddy who your not even in a relationship with is wrong on so many levels 🚩🚩🚩

The judge will see this has parental alienation and a change of residency will know doubt be mentioned...you need to put your child's best interest first and stop putting your own feelings first and step up and be a better mum ... I'm actually glad your ex is taking you back to court and I hope he wins

You gave birth to your baby. You looked after her from day one. She relies on you every way. Noone looks after like nir love her as you do. You are her main carer. You should have the lasting word when it comes to who she spends time with....

...but you don't. A judge overrides your views, opinions, feelings, decisions.

It might feel bonkers, but that's how it is. You better start acting like they expect you to or you'll be the one losing out.

👏