Ex taking me back to court

[Babygirlmum]

My BD is taking me back to court due to somewhat not 100% complying with the order that was set out, bare in mind just after the order was done, in the same day and the week he was supposed to have her he piled it on me that he was going on a lads holiday so straight away it wasn't the greatest start. And then when we came back off the lads holiday he went on a cruise with his family. this was back in may of this year. He has since seen her, he took her to butlins for a few days after he came back from Ibiza and a cruise, again this was back in may/June, he hasn't been the most consistent I have always been understanding of his job etc however. Just feel like it doesn't work, she doesn't like going. Yes she is only very young, he hasn't always been in her life due to him not wanting to be when she was born, therefore I don't really respect him as a father. My daughter has a very consistent man in her life who stepped up when her own father didn't and she adores him and calls him dad and she absolutely loves him however her own dad she screams when she is around him and his family blame me for it. He has now told me that he is going to take me back to court as I haven't been complying with the order, let me add how he absolutely slags me off to the bare bone and days some really really offensive things to me. Some of the things are far to disgusting to even mention. I feel like my daughter is very happy and content with her life as it is and I do really feel like he is going to ruin her peace and happiness as he just is not enough for her and never has been. I really do not know how things are going to plan out. Has anybody been in a similar situation. What should I expect from this.

So you've breached the court order because you just don't want to comply with it? Unfortunately once there is a court order in place it's not up to you any longer. Expect to be heavily criticised and be wary that you may lose more time with her if you refuse to comply with the order in future.

Have you been making her available on his crt ordered time (whether he comes or not) or have you refused to.
If the 1st and you can prove he didn't turn up (whether he was at work or on holiday) then you have nothing to worry about but if you haven't then it could go badly for you.
My advice is to keep records of when he does and doesn't turn up and always make her available, she doesn't need to be sat in her coat etc just at home for collection if he turns up
Edited for typos

How old is your DD? You need to comply with the Order and make her available. If he chooses not to have her on his time, that is his choice. If he takes you back to Court you will have your chance to raise your concerns but unless there are any serious safeguarding concerns, you are expected to make her available

@TheSilkWorm has any of of what I said say, just don't tell any to comply with it for no reason at all, no unfortunately. I don't feel like it had worked out. All as he talks about when messaging is sex with me never asks about his child also. Could go on all day however none of this would matter. I don't feel like he has my daughters best interests at heart.

I don't actually see anything in what you wrote that gives a clear reason why you decided to stop complying. The time to argue that his contact isn't good for her is when you were in court the first time. Unfortunately if the judge didn't agree with you then you don't get to just decide you aren't going to comply with it. You have to suck it up and deal with it.

@Dartsplayer she is 2 years old, she did come back one time with the biggest bruise I have ever seen on a child of her age. I didn't want yo mention it to him as I know how he would respond. And when I did he very abused me. This is why co parenting with him is so hard. He is a lot younger than me.

You need to be supporting your daughter to see her Father. Your choice of new partner is not a substitute for her biological father even if he is a wonderful step father. She still has the right to see her own Dad.

She is a child and the fact that she sometimes doesn’t want to go is irrelevant. Sometimes she might not want to go to school, or the dentist or hospital, but it’s up to the adults responsible for her to see the longer term perspective and do what is ultimately in her best interests. That includes supporting her relationship with her Dad.

I'm sorry OP but you don't get to make this decision, and the court isn't going to take it lightly that you're refusing access.

You still haven’t said whether you have actively failed to comply with the court order. Try to put aside his behaviour - the courts will look at what you have (or havent) done according to the CAO.

Switch all communication to one of the 2 court approved parenting app.

You make DD available as per the contact schedule and document when he doesn't turn up.

If you end up in court this can be used as evidence to influence different arrangements.

What contact has been ordered?
Why are you not making her available?
How long has SD been around and why on earth is she calling him dad!

What did you do when she came back with a large bruise?

@SometimesCalmPerson in any other normal case I would 100% agree. However this is a father that called out of my child's life and told me to abort her. I am not going to respect that type of person. And when she was 5 months old he decided he wanted to meet her. He blocked me for months. Is this the usual father? I don't feel like he is good for her and I don't know if there will be a day he will just drop her again and this worries me. I didn't get to voice any of this in the court last time however this time I am going to tell them everything. not sure it will change anything.

The court order tells you what you have to make her available for and you have to do so.

• He does not have to see her on the dates that you agreed so something like going on holiday is neither here nor there.

• If you think she is at risk of serious harm when at his you inform the relevant authorities and they will investigate

• if you think she has suspect injuries you take her to have them looked at, and tell the relevant authorities.

• If you feel that he can not look after her needs adequately or that they need to rebuild their bond you ask for a referral to go to a contact centre.

• You choose to have a baby with him and he is her dad not some other bloke you've already introduced her to. Why on earth is she calling your boyfriend 'Dad'? Presumably he hasn't actually committed to you in any way and you aren't married.

• What you don't do is just go against a court order for no seriously good reason. Baby's do cry when they go somewhere unusual for a little while just look at all the young child crying at nursery drop off. It's normal and the get over it in 15 minutes

This is classic parental alienation and you risk losing being the resident parent. This isn't about you. You need to put your feelings to one side, tell her how much fun she will have with Daddy and have her ready every single time.

Document if he doesn't turn up or she comes back with bruises and you may have a chance in future of reducing contact but it's unlikely.

What were the terms of the court order op?

What do you mean you didn't get to say this in court? Surely you filed statements?

So you've got years of having to deal with him ahead of you. She will need a relationship with her dad. Did you report the bruising? 2 year olds are quite clumsy but if you suspect something else you should have reported it at the time time

@CandyLeBonBon that he sees her every other few days he had off work, so basically every two and a half weeks for 3 days as it was long distance, so in this time she would forget about him.

My daughter has a very consistent man in her life who stepped up when her own father didn't and she adores him and calls him dad and she absolutely loves him
This is the crux of it isn’t it.

You’ve moved on, you want your daughter to be your new partner’s family and you’re doing everything you can to play happy families and pretend that this new bloke is her father.

I’ve lost count of the feckless mothers on here who are trying to cut out their ex’s after having moved on within five minutes, who then claim that “the kids adore him.” Be that as it may, you’ve moved on within five minutes of having this child. She’s only two and already she’s calling some other bloke dad, and you’re breaching the court order simply because you want to play happy families and the more you convince yourself that she doesn’t want to see her father, the more you justify her calling your new partner dad.

There’s no way a two year old has come up with that, you’ve clearly been encouraging it and now you’re breaching the court order to withhold access from her father.

When this new bloke moves on will you be bringing a host of daddio’s into her life who she “adores”?

Your ex is her father. He has a court order to see her, presumably because you wouldn’t allow contact beforehand. And now you’re breaching the court order.

Be careful you don’t lose residency of her. It can happen you know.

Get a grip of yourself, make your daughter available for contact, make it an adventure for her, do not turn her against her father, and stop her from calling your latest squeeze daddy. It’s not appropriate.

You have to play the game by the rules. You have to make her available for his contact time, but document every time he lets her down or something seems off. Google 'Parental Alienation'. That's how mothers lose their children.

OP you're going to get flamed here regardless but listen to us when we say:

• Yes, he sounds like a dick. Unfortunately this is what happens when you sleep and procreate with people like that (no judgement - I also got told to have an abortion and then blocked! It sucked!! But I know if he ever wanted contact I'd have to follow the rules).

• Regardless of your feelings, it's a court order! You have to be following it!! A judge is going to take it very seriously that you are not!!! There will be consequences and if he wanted to go after more custody he'd be in a stronger position to do so because he's not the one ignoring the court order, you are.

• What you are describing in terms of visiting sucks, but it is very normal. A court will not restrict access because of it, ever.

• My mother, from when I was a young age, influenced me against my dad. Yes he had faults but I'm still irritated to this day she thought it was okay to do that. It's your job to manage your emotions, and help your daughter manage hers the best you can. Be positive about them seeing each other, and she will be too.

• Bruising happens. If you had genuine concerns the time to report these would have been when it happened.

She won't forget about him. Children often don't see grandparents for weeks at a time especially if they're a distance away (mine, as an example). They never once forgot who their granny was. It sounds like you're inventing reasons to avoid the court order because it suits you to do so. If that's the case, it will but go in your favour.

If you have concerns, document and report.

@NotOneOfTheInCrowd wow what a judging criticising member of society you are. I really do suggest you don't go around making things like this up as you couldn't be more further from the truth if you tried. Judging me in such a way my daughter is 2 nearly 3 and her father walked out of her life before she was born, I have never moved in since. Don't have a partner however I do have somebody very close, I am not explaining myself to a stranger.

Why is your child calling someone else 'dad'? That's really odd!