Moving in - what would you do?

[AnaMelonBanana]

hi

14 month old relationship, all going great, and we've been discussing moving in within the next year or so. We are late 40s, both divorced, they are still on mortgage but aiming to get off within next few months (long story, ex stalling).

I currently own 40% equity in my house, but at present no income to speak of, living of savings. Partner renting, no savings, in FT permanent employment, mid-level earner.

We are discussing moving in with me + my child as this seems most practical, they also have children, one adult + one teen but they do not live with them currently and visit as they please (approx once - twice a week). Good relationship with kids, and I have enough space to accommodate those visits.

I'm a little clueless as to what is most sensible financial setup so hoping for some help - a few people mentioned a variety of options and I will be seeking professional advice but posting just in case there's experts on here.

Our options, as I see them, are:

• add partner to mortgage and deeds, paying mortgage in full or partially for the foreseeable to reduce pressure on me + gain equity > this feels fair to me but I'd worry about inheritance (especially if I die first) - this house is all i have and while things are going great, I do want to be sensible / practical. I'd also worry about having to sell / buy them out if we do split as I may not be able to do so.
• add partner to mortgage but not deeds, paying mortgage partially for the foreseeable to reduce pressure on me > I know this is an option and it would help as we'd get better rate with my remortgaging coming up, but I'm struggling to understand what benefit / incentive such an arrangement would be to them?
• not add partner to mortgage or deeds, but have them pay a % of total cost (mortgage + bills) as living cost / rent > they'd still be better off than they are now and could make some savings + potentially buy something of their own (for their kids, or themselves in case we ever did split up). this feels most sensible to me in terms of not mixing up our finances but I'm not sure I'd feel the same way if the tables were turned - paying rent to your partner somehow feels off to me, even though I can understand the logic.

Am I missing something else?

Any thoughts / views / help welcome - especially from those in the know or with similar experience. Thank you!

Rather than charging him rent you could get him to pay bills and then he can save the rest which is a benefit to him and you have a benefit in terms of reduced utilities, council tax etc.
If you do charge him rent you charge obviously a massively reduced amount which then means he saves over the normal rental market so that's the upside for him.

Well I guess in that case we’d have to sell if I didn’t have the money to pay them out.

What doesn’t feel entirely right to me, (although I can see it as a test thing for perhaps the first year or so), is one party paying rent and not getting anything out of it at the end, while the other uses some of that money to build up their equity. If it were me, I think I’d find that unfair / strange.

Or am I thinking about this all wrong?

If you want it to be 50/50 in terms of home and you are set on him co-owing a home with you, could you not sell yours, then buy a different property with him? Equal deposits into the property and 50% of mortgage payments going forward?

My understanding is OP that best route is cohabitation agreement with an amount stated in there to pay you for bills/lodgings/no right or interest in house. If they pay for any home improvements/extension then separately agree in writing to repay this as a debt not linked to the house or any interest in it.

The other point to note is that if you ever got married and they didn’t have any assets of their own then your house would be treated as the family home/marital asset if you ever divorced regardless of any cohabitation agreement or pre nup, particularly if they need a proportion of it for their own housing needs.

As others said, the benefit your partner gets is usually a very reduced amount to pay per month (could just pay half of bills/no lodging amount) so they can save the ‘rent’ for their own investments (could then buy his own property to let out). Also the benefit of living in your house where they did not have to find any deposit/pay stamp duty/raise a mortgage to purchase it. The alternative is you rent your house out and buy something together which keeps everything more separate from inheritance point of view and both of you would benefit from buying another house/equity increase.

That’s certainly an option but it seems more costly / would mean more debt which I’m keen to avoid. Initially we both feel my existing property will suffice, and it seems simplest logistically and practically - as long as we figure out the way that protects both parties and is fair across the board.

Still the same advice. DO NOT put them on deeds or mortgage.

If you are committed to a future relationship agree to fresh start with a jointly owned property you both buy together. When you sit down and work through the costs together it might tell if it is a serious relationship. Him moving in with you is a lazy option he’s renting so would save a massive amount, if you ask him to contribute to your mortgage he has a claim on the house. If you sell yours before you all move in together you can always ring fence some savings for your children to protect them. The risk is always splitting up on jointly owned property is either a sale or buying the other on out but many unmarried couples mitigate this when buying property together legally with a deed of trust.

What they are 'getting out of it' is a home to live in.
They'd have to pay to live anywhere whether that was rent to a landlord or a mortgage.
You say you wouldn't be impacting your child's financial future but you would be. If you split up and he was on the deeds , he's a part owner and you could be made to buy him out so you could have to sell up.

Are you intending to work?

Thanks - paying half bills only would make sense but not solve my current issue with lack of income. Our thinking was that them paying most / all costs for a period of time would significantly reduce the pressure on me while helping them too - they can afford the expense now, while I’m struggling.

Renting mine out and buying somewhere is also something we discussed to keep things separate / protect my asset. But the issue again is the fact that I’m not earning ATM which makes things difficult - on his salary alone and with no deposit to speak of, this would be impossible to do.

Yes you are thinking wrong. He is, presumably, happy to rent at the moment. Moving in to your home paying money to you, call it housekeeping if you like, means he is no worse off than before. In fact he is subsystem better of if you include him on form of mortgage payment. Why should he move home to better off at you’d child’s’ expense?

Your insistence that it is all going to work out fine this time is fine, if it was just your own financial future you were putting at risk.

You admit that you are not very financially aware. Please,please listen to the wealth of bitter experience on here.

Thanks again all. I am indenting to work yes.

Perhaps moving in is the lazy option but I like to keep things simple - to me, trying to buy something similar, under current circumstances, doesn’t seem simple (or even possible).

Once he is off the mortgage with his ex, will he have enough money for a deposit? what assets will he be left with after the divorce?

How old are your children?

No assets to speak of, only steady salary.
Kids are early teens.

I think under current circumstances the only way is trialing living under the same roof by them renting with me for a while (+doing a cohabitation agreement), then seeing what’s what once they’ve been able to save some money and I’m also hopefully in a better place with steadier employment.

Then you would also not likely be able to Remortgage to add him/them to the mortgage and deeds because you would most likely not get another mortgage for affordability reasons even though you have one currently

I would charge rent/bills for a couple of years and see where your relationship is then. At that stage have these discussions about how you rejig the set up.

Remember if you marry it then doesn't matter whose name it is in. It becomes a marital asset and is up for grabs if you split

Forgive me for pushing you on this but why is he walking away from a divorce with no money if there is a house involved?

Be careful of the 'difficult ex' story. It may or may not be true but something doesn't sound right if he's got very little. Are there debts he's paying off that you don't know about?

I just think you're in the first flush of a new relationship and whilst you're asking the right questions about living together you may not be seeing the whole picture. 14 months is a very new relationship. Be careful you're not being love bombed into not seeing entirely straight. It's happened to so many women who are just looking for love and happiness.

I think you'd be wise to wait a bit longer and then he 'lodges' with you for a few years to see how things go. Don't get married and don't put your children's home/inheritance at risk.

You are over thinking. Moving in with you means he pays you some form of rent eg £500 or whatever is reasonable which factors in increase in your bills like council tax (you won't get single person reduction once he moves in), water, utilities, food etc. He is saving as he's not paying rent (which could be £1000 monthly) plus council tax, utility bills, water, internet and so on. He is immediately saving money and can use it to save. So he could go from paying £1500 monthly to only £500 if he moves in with you so plenty to save. Obviously figures will be different but I think that's what people are trying to point out that he will be better off. If things work out then there's a good pot of money to buy together and if they don't he has that pot to start again with. Good luck.

Thank you both and thanks for the warning - always useful to remember for sure.

Well aware of the difficult ex story, this is not it - I’d not even consider dating them if they came out with any of that crap.

While important, money isn’t everything, and people sometimes walk away for own sanity / mental health and wellbeing. I’ve done it myself before so understand completely.

You are thinking about this all wrong!

Has he put this idea in your head? You sound little vulnerable.

Your job is to look after you and your dc. Not him. That’s up to him to do.

I think you should see a solicitor for advice, and then think about this for another few months. There’s no rush.

It sounds like your planning on living together for financial reasons.

I’m not vulnerable but thanks for the concern - I just have limited experience with property stuff as I’ve been renting my whole life (until very recently when I bought by myself). No idea has been put in my head, they’ve not said one way or another in terms of specifics - we’ve just been very provisionally talking about how we’d both like to give living together a try at some stage not too far in the future, providing we can make it work for both parties (and the kids).

But you’re right, no rush, I’m just exploring at this stage and trying to understand things a little better. Will absolutely also seek financial advice / speak to solicitor later in, if needed.

I’d love to say it’s not for financial reasons but finances play some part, yes. But even if we were both well off, owning own properties out right or some such we’d still want to live together at some point soonish - the particulars would likely look different though.

Good, and good luck with it all

If it's going great, why change things? You've presumably worked hard to have a safe haven and a stable home for you and your child. Why would you risk that? Don't trap yourself

Exactly.
Why move him in?
I cannot see a single reason.

I was in this position and was advised by solicitors as follows:

(1) absolutely do NOT add them to mortgage (2) absolutely do not accept ANY payment that could be seen as conferring a share of ownership, be that help with mortgage payments, paying for home improvements etc (3) contributions must be clearly identified as rent -- have an email paper trail or similar to record that understanding (4) it's fine to set up a joint bank account that gives you each a debit card you can use for shared expenses like restaurant meals etc, that you both pay into.

So long as you don't muddy the water re your 100% ownership of the house, you may not need to draw up a cohabitation agreement.