Dividing the family jewels

[funtimetoni]

My mum died a few years ago and sorting out her will has been a long drawn out process.
The solicitor is ready to finalize things but just needs an agreement on the Jewelry. There are a few pieces we'd all like.

Story is: there are 4 of us, me and sister and 2 brothers. Eldest brother has possession of jewelry and it's a little unclear on what there is. We have photos but know stuff is missing from photos.

Other brother is executor but is extremely laid back part of the reason everything has taken so long.
Just to complicate things eldest brother has refused to speak to me and sister since just after mum died.

Question is how do we move things forward? I think my eldest brother is hoping we just throw the towel in and says it's sorted. My executor brother is totally stuck in the middle which is a position he's not al all comfortable with.
I guess the first step (which could have been done a lot earlier) is to get it valued. But what after that how do share it out fairly?

You take turns picking the pieces you want.

Then you have to pay out £ so the value of the distribution is equal.

Sounds like you need to raise the missing pieces, do you think your brother is secretly keeping them?

Thanks for reply.
yes my brother may well be hiding pieces as presented similar behaviour when we cleared out my late parents house. My late mum had Alzheimer’s so there’s also the possibility she gave stuff away.

The execution should have got the jewellery much earlier in the process and created a list with values for probate. But now he needs to man up get the jewellery and either get everyone together or provide everyone with details.

Is there a reason you haven't turned up at his house and demanded too see your mum's jewellery?

Surely the executor brother should have the jewellery as a safe keep and he would assist in its distribution .
You could also choose something to keep as a memory and the rest sold and money distributed accordingly .

There were 5 of us. We decided to pick the running order out of a hat. We laid out all the jewellery and each person picked a piece until everything was shared.
We agreed beforehand that once it was done it wouldn't be mentioned again - people were free to either sell or keep the jewellery, no questions asked, no explanations given.

My DM distributed her jewellery several years before she died. I have followed her example and have already given special pieces to family members even though I hope to be here for many more years.

Your older brother, by law surely, cannot keep the jewellery to himself. Is there just one or two items that you could ask for each? Is it all very valuable or sentimental?
My mother had a few valuable pieces and it was easy for me and my sisters to choose as we have dissimilar tastes.

There is a problem regarding distribution if two pieces are worth £10,000 and the rest is worth very little! What do you go if the ones getting the £10,000 pieces would rather have the money? How is compensation going to work? Always give jewellery away much earlier. Plus valuations are very very expensive!

Generally daughters come first with jewellery. I’m giving my baubles well before I die but only have girls. They probably won’t agree on who has what!

If sons get involved if never ends well. Eldest son got all my grandparents jewellery. My DM as only DD got nothing. There’s a need for the conversation much earlier! If jewellery has gone, it’s gone. I think you should all see the executor and he should ensure the jewellery comes to the meeting. Then do the homework on value and decide who has what. I’m good with jewellery and know about values. I can see what’s good and what is not. Do you have any idea of value? I’d never mention it to a solicitor either! Never needs to go outside family!

Unequal values is why the £ come out of your share of the estate/you buy them from the estate.

I hate all this nonsense that it should go to daughters.

@RandomMess All depends how long deceased has known the daughters in law. Just a few years and DDs are a lifetime. Obviously it’s up to jewellery owner. Certainly not up to sons to dictate. Most families manage to sort this out and often accept jewellery means more to women. The men just sell it. The people who love it should have it. That applies to any art and furniture too. Usually a compromise can be found. If no one is bothered, fair enough.

Sons may want something for their daughters.

Generally daughters are more sentimental about jewellery.

If the op brothers just want to sell for the £ then the sisters should have the option to "buy" it all from the estate once a fair valuation has been confirmed for each piece.

I have had two experiences. One time we chose what we wanted and paid the value into a pot that then got distributed evenly. In the other case there was so much arguing that the executors DH and a cousin sent everything to an auction house and told everyone ‘you want it that badly, bid on it’.

We then bid on what we wanted. Oddly enough not a single other family member even turned up.

Valuations for expensive items are very very high. It’s so much easier to give before any in fighting. I know the value of the Tizer treasure. I’ve not got sons but I agree grandchildren should be considered but there usually are other items and all grandchildren should be treated the same. You can look at the estate as a whole, not just jewellery. What is the value of everything else? Who has had the best painting? Or other art? Why just squabble over jewellery? It’s very difficult if people don’t think about values and giving as a whole before they die. Be fair to your dc first by giving equal value of items and then grandchildren. The grandchildren of the sons get what they are given in the will or equal value their fathers have from art or savings. Or you sell everything. For me, it would depend what it is. Cheaper stuff won’t raise much. Decent sized diamonds or high jewellery is another matter.