Money / childcare / communication

[BrightJadeShaker]

Ok where to start. I’m in a very bad place right now, I’m actually scared of how low I’ve gotten.
I work long full time shifts and my ex no longer wants to work around it. I used to really enjoy my job but with all of this I’m am so stressed and low in confidence I am thinking of leaving now to spend time healing. I have to pass some exams to keep my job and work have given me an ultimatum essentially as I’ve fallen so far behind. This means I need to spend every spare waking moment studying when I’ve just moved house and my To Do list is ridiculous. I feel like a bad mum as I’m so depressed and disorganised.
Ex is controlling and domineering it’s honestly easier to just do what he wants. This upsets my friends as I get feel I should be stronger.
I have money from my house sale which I will end up having to live off. I had it from a previous property I worked hard to get before I met ex. He is very angry he didn’t get more of the money, he had racked up debts and likes to live beyond his means.
Things between us are difficult, he likes to make things all about him and sends me argumentative emails, and the children suffer as it spoils my time with them. He doesn’t want mediation unless I pay which I could but not sure if it will do anything?
He cheated, lied, always kept secrets. Not a bad dad but an irresponsible one in terms of making bad selfish decisions that negatively affect the family.
I have just been given anti depressants by the doctor. I am close to suicidal now to be honest. I have little / no support and the people i do have are naturally getting fed up of all this now.
We haven’t finalised the financial order, he’s pushing to do it. He earns £55k working 4 days pw, I earn about £22k after taking time out to raise chiidren while he worked and studied 2 masters degrees (now doing a PhD). He has a pension of about £9k. He used to cover the mortgage but just dropped me and now gives me nothing as he has the children half the time. The house was almost repossessed.
Honestly I don’t know what I’m asking except please give me some advice of where to go with all this.

It isn't at all clear what advice you want. Have you got a solicitor?

This sounds like a lot is going on. You need to take care of yourself and prioritise that as much as you can. I would contact your GP about how you feel and ask to be referred for counselling/talking therapies so that you can talk through all of this. Also, contact your local domestic abuse charity - your ex sounds controlling and they can offer support on how to establish boundaries.

Legally, it sounds as if you need to finalise the financial order so you can then move on. Use a solicitor to ensure that it is a fair distribution and whether you should be asking for spousal support/share of pension/mescher order. If you are a lower earner, you should be entitled to child benefit and universal credit as well.

Also contact the CMS since having children equal time/number of nights does not always mean no child maintenance.

Also have you agreed a parenting plan documenting the arrangements so there is less need for communication/any that is required is just done by our family wizard or over email so you take back some control/you do not ‘jump’ whenever he demands something.

Is there anyway that you can take stress leave from work? Speak to your GP. Does your work have a domestic abuse policy (may cover post separation issues?)? It could be worth exploring this and documenting it all with HR. It sounds as if you need some time to sort things. Look after yourself.