Dad to my child

[P0p]

My ex is threatening for a solicitor baring in mind I let him see his son but only when I’m there as he has a drinking problem. Because I didn’t go meet him today as he told me to come down at the weekend as normal he then said I be hearing from his solicitor. It’s been 10 weeks we’ve been apart and I’ve not once stopped him but I’m not trusting him to have our son on his own over night. He hardly ever ask how his son is and the excuse is because he darent in case I phone the police 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’ve never and will never do that. We split up because of his drink and I’ve explained why I don’t want to go back. We also was in an unhealthy relationship and he was also verbally abussive to me , controlling when it came to seeing my family and friends and he’s not even bonded with his son properly and he’s one now and says when he’s walking and talking he would be more involved with him 🤦🏻‍♀️ What can I do ?

You don't have to do anything at this stage. Even if he does get his solicitor to write to you, a solicitor's letter has no legal force. If mediation is offered, you should consider engaging in that. It can be a less stressful way of sorting out your differences than going through the courts.

If it does go to the courts they will probably order a regular contact pattern, so you can't pick and choose when contact happens (and nor can he). If the court believes that his drinking is an issue, they may order that contact is supervised. However, that doesn't mean that you can continue to supervise contact yourself. The court may agree to a relative supervising contact, or they may order use of a contact centre, or make some other appropriate arrangement that ensures your son is safe with him.

Thank you for your reply , it’s made me feel really anxious it’s twice that he’s said that to me first time was before we separated and I left, he drinks and then passes out he’s no fit state to look after our son and other issues he has . I will definitely look into the mediation when it comes to it.

Hi OP, do you actually feel he has the resources and motivation to involve a solicitor? From what you say, I wouldn't get too worked up as it sounds like an empty threat.

He sounds like a feckless piss head, even if he is serious, when he finds out how much a solicitor costs he'll realise how badly it'll cut into his drinking money 🤷🏻‍♂️

You don't have to allow him to see your child. If he wants to he can apply for a child arrangement order and as a pp has said, you would need to go through mediation before that happens (exemptions in some circs).
He may send a threatening solicitors letter but it is meaniness until he applies for the child arrangement order and he may not even bother doing that.
Continue to allow him to see the child supervised by you (or offer another trusted family member) so theres no argument you aren't allowing contact, but stick to your guns re unsupervised access.

If he’s a massive drinker then do you think he has money for a solicitor ? Solicitors letters don’t carry any weight so you can ignore it if it comes.

A Child Arrangement Order cost £210 plus a mediation session. If he has limited money then he’s likely to be one of those men who uses court as a threat but never carries the threat through.

It sounds like he is telling you when he wants contact and you are delivering your child to him. I would start taking control and telling him that contact will be every other Saturday or whatever and asking him to contact you if he can’t make it. You need the flexibility to be able to plan events like seeing your family without the possibility of being summoned. This will get increasingly important as your child gets older and becomes aware of events like weekend parties which shouldn’t have to be given up for a man who sounds like a massive loser. Are you sure that your child is better off seeing him ?

I’ve looked into to the money myself and it’s so expensive he won’t be able to afford doing that at all 🤦🏻‍♀️

We go on weekends and even then he spends so little time with him then he goes for a lay down, I’m always there when I take my son down I never leave him on his own, and definitely I need to be in control of it all . We’ve missed one weekend because he was ill and then I made plans then he wanted us to go down but I didn’t cancel my plans I still stuck to the day I planned because he didn’t want us down