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Living in refuge/ child contact

7 replies

arabellacanella · 13/10/2024 17:56

Hi everyone, I'm looking for some advice and support here please. I posted a few months back about leaving for a refuge which I am now in. I've been here 4 months now with my daughters.
Due to bail conditions there was no contact between myself and ex partner. However I have dropped the charges as he is a nurse and I didn't want to to harm in career. Since then he has contacted me firstly with nice, calm messages and then with abusive messages. It changes daily. I have facilitated video calls between him and DD and I have also against the advice of the refuge, taken DD to see him face to face once. However, he still.continues to send me abusive messages, accusing me of being a seasoned liar and that I have somehow managed to convince everyone of lies. He calls me sadistic, demonic, fickle, a bad mother and the rest. It's constant put downs. I feel like he uses the communication between us to attack me when ever he feels like it. He has completely painted me as the evil woman to all his friends and family, but we both know what happened in our relationship.
Yesterday I didn't respond to a text he had sent until 8 hours later. He sent me a mass of text messages about where I've been, how I am playing games, using the DD against him. Tbh all his messages are very controlling and angry that I didn't respond sooner. He won't go to court, but it isn't working to be amicable with eachother as he affects my mental health with all the pretending nothing ever happened and how I am deluded and making things up.
I have booked an appointment with a mediator for tomorrow but I just don't know what to do anymore with him. I'm sick of blocking and unblocking. I just want him to have a peaceful relationship with his DD, make plans of when to call and when to meet, contribute to her financially but it's all impossible. Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
patsy999 · 13/10/2024 18:10

You need to block him. Especially if your in a refuge.

LittleshopofTriffids · 13/10/2024 18:18

You need to block him. You need to be doing everything you can to avoid situations where he can continue to abuse you.
Do you have a solicitor? Could you send him a solicitor’s letter offering contact with your daughter through a contact centre as a way of safely continuing contact without risking you having to interact with him or him not returning your daughter? Use the resources available to you in the refuge. Take advice from social workers and domestic violence advocates involved in your case. Get stuff in writing if you can so that if it goes to court you can show you were acting on advice from social services or your solicitor.

Stormyweatheroutthere · 13/10/2024 18:22

He is a cunt. You fail your dd by allowing him anywhere near her.

arabellacanella · 13/10/2024 19:10

Thank you for responding and the advice. I am going to get some legal advice in the morning and see what I can do going forward.

OP posts:
Sayithowiseeit · 14/10/2024 14:32

The refuges usually have a solicitor who can come to the refuge.

Please do not have contact with him as this puts other residents in danger.

thefakeslimshady · 14/10/2024 14:37

You're in a refuge for a reason. Use a contact centre and get legal help. I second previous comment, you're potentially putting other residents at risk.

NewDogOwner · 14/10/2024 14:58

I believe that the advice is never to attend mediation with an abuser.

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