Please do not judge . Please can i have some legal help?common assault charges advice

[Thankyouforyourhelp]

I called 101 after false advice that if i dont report i could loose the kids to social services if anything escalated and i didnt report.

I told the police everything over the phone and also after i went in i told them everything on report and then after they said they will be arresting this person i said i change my mind i dont want to take it further - but they said they are still arresting.
I have signed that i dont want to make a statement. I have also said i still want contact with him

They have asked him to come in today - can he answer no comment since there is no statement only a report?

Basically i have said that i have been kicked pinned down and thrown stuff on me and called me names.
So he is being charged with common assault.

I have changed my mind and dont want any thing to happen

Whats best for him to say today when hes at the police station to not be charged and to get to come back home?

Again i understand its serious and i want to deal with it through family friends and through counseling rather than put him in jail!

Please help!? Thanks so much

Well in my experience of being the victim of domestic violence and doing what your doing now is that he won’t end up in jail anyway.
As you are supporting him and effectively won’t do what needs to be done - like appear in court and honestly say what happened, he won’t go to jail. He‘ll be able to walk and continue what he’s doing.
So I wouldn’t worry about that if I were you. I do think it’s important that you did report it as it will create a record against him for the next times he does it, which he will, until he either kill you or you leave. If you end up dead, he is more likely to be found guilty of murder if this is all part of the known history, so that’s good at least. Good luck 💐

It’ll be difficult for the police to bring charges, whatever he says

Do you think the children are safe around someone who kicks and punches someone weaker? If you were a social worker, would you think that was a safe, happy home?

Even if you don't want to press charges, do you want to live a life which doesn't have violence and the threat of worse? Counselling doesn't stop these men. With intensive, professional help, most of them, 90%, carry on punching women. IME that 10% who change is only when the man makes a huge change of lifestyle as well. Gives up alcohol for good or something. Most men just carry on until you leave, or they kill you, or you make yourself so tiny that the threats control you enough.

Nowhere in your post have you said this didn't happen, only that you don't want him charged. Read it again. If that had happened to a friend, your mum, your daughter, how would you feel about it?

He is a danger to you. This is a good moment to ask for help.

Thank you for the replys- again like i have asked please do not judge as there is more to the situation-
(in the middle of overcoming a 12 year addiction problem.
going through adhd and autism diagnosis.
thank you. )

Why do you want someone like this around your kids OP? They and you deserve so much better. Please reconsider and let the police support you.

You have children. Your overwhelming responsibility has to be towards them and to keep them from living in a home where their mother is routinely abused.

You were absolutely NOT given the wrong information. If you knowingly put your violent partner before your kids then it is the fastest way to lose your kids.

You have been to the police and made 'significant verbal statements' to officers. You have now withdrawn this. Which is sadly common for DV cases. The police have an overwhelming duty of care to your children and will arrest your partner for common assault. He had two choices.

At the interview he will have the right to a publicly funded solicitor. The solicitor will probably advise him to say 'no comment' . Or to make a full and frank admission.

The result will go to the crown prosecution service where a charging decision will be made - although for common assault the police can decide this themselves .

There is a common myth that victims of DV can opt to 'drop the charges' . This not correct. The evidence including the verbal statements you have made - plus his response to interview are parented and the police/cps are the ones who decide to prosecute or not.

What will happen for sure if there are children in the home is a referral to social services. Probably a MASH (multi agency safeguarding hub. )
Where you will be expected to keep your children safe from DV.

My reply to you stands.

I am sorry about your difficulties but your difficulties with an addiction. emphasise that you need to concentrate on your children and your health and recovery.

The social services are more likely to intervene if you do not understand and act on the seriousness of what happened to you and the impact on your children.

Worst case scenario is that social services could act to safeguard your children if you can't or won't.

If you have made progress with a 12 year addiction please don't let recent events set you back. Do you have a trusted counsellor or drug / addiction advisor? Ask them for extra support and talk to a domestic violence worker - even if you don't want to press charges you can get help in making sure he does not return to the house or put you or the children at risk.

Leave him to take his own advice - he will know not to admit anything and how best to avoid being charged - you need to concentrate on yourself and your children and their safety.

If he is not charged there won't be bail conditions to protect you ( unless the police put him on police bail while they investigate further) so you need an injunction. You may get free legal aid to get one and an injunction will help show social services that whilst you are not following through with criminal charges you are able to put your children's needs above those of a violent person.

Please don't put a query ADHD or autism investigation and diagnosis as a reason not to protect the children or yourself - social services will focus on your children's physical and emotional security and I am afraid that is what you need to focus on and rise above using your health investigations as a reason for the stance you are taking.

It isn't too late to get help with family law injunctions and from domestic violence agencies - so please do put all your energy and focus into that as you should not assume that if he isn't charged he won't come back again and won't be angry.

You have a violence and addiction around your children but you're more worried about keeping a man in your life than protecting your children. You need Social Services to be involved so someone acts for the children.

That is still absolutely no excuse.
Autism is not an excuse for being an arsehole, and it definitely isn’t an excuse for assaulting people.
Edited to say - if the person who assaulted you is the one being investigated for ASD. If you are in the process of diagnosis then even more reason so protect yourself and your children because you are vulnerable.

I am an ex social worker and you have been given some good advice here.
I won't repeat it all.
I will tell you that you will be judged if you fail to protect your children from living with violence. It is likely to cause them significant harm.

None of the other factors involved, like addiction or mental health/conditions, are reasons not to continue with action to ensure the safety and welfare of the children.(Actually, they are more likely to aggravate the situation)

You must realise that the needs of your children come before preserving a relationship with a partner that represents a danger to them. And to you.

Lots of people are addicts and don't beat their partner up.

Lots of people are having autism and adhd diagnosis and don't beat their partner up.

I saw your attitude in my mum, who lived with this her whole life. She 'felt sorry" for my dad and so she stayed with him. He twisted her mind so much that this is the level of control he had over her.

As a child I witnessed all this and in many ways it has ruined my life.

You have a choice to make.

The violence or your children.

Your children are already being harmed, why do you want that to continue?

Is he your children's father?

Yes

Who's the addict who's under assessment? Not that it matters, no excuse for violence
.

Anyone can go no comment but that doesn’t mean he won’t be charged with anything.

He’ll probably be bailed not to contact you and social services will be informed.

And really, that’s the best outcome for you and the children. You need to keep yourself and them safe!

"What will happen for sure if there are children in the home is a referral to social services. Probably a MASH (multi agency safeguarding hub. )"

I've not heard of this before. Is it connected with MAPPA in some sort of way?

If it’s a domestic abuse type situation then they have to take positive action i.e. arresting but will note that you don’t want to support the investigation. It depends on evidence whether it goes anywhere but if there were children present at the time a safeguarding report will usually be put in regardless of whether the case progresses.

MASH is social services front door - it contains social workers, Early Help workers, police, health and education.

All reports of DA in homes with children where police are involved are referred in as a contact, assessed by a social worker who decides whether the other agencies need to be asked what information they hold about the family.

The social worker will then decide what course of action is needed ranging from nothing to emergency care. Most likely a strategy discussion and possibly section 47 assessment to decide whether a child protection conference is needed.

MAPPA is more on the police / probabtion side and is about managing the offender - MASH / social care is about protecting the child - although both can be linked

Seems like a great time in your life to have someone kicking the shit out of you around 🙄