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Constant changing of contact patterns

7 replies

Joelin · 09/10/2024 23:52

It’s a long story but me and my ex partner went to court in at the beginning of 2023 back for agreements on our children. He was struggling finically for some time so we agreed to take his weekends down to alternate weekends just until he got back on his feet. He can’t keep a job to save his life! Since 2022 he has had 4 different jobs and since then it’s been an up and down spiral of my kids not seeing there dads for weeks on end or him simply change his weekends to fit around whatever job he got bare in mind this is under two years worth of jobs so the change is constant I have a 4 year old with autism. I basically raise my kids on my own I have to go to appointments for him and with my other two kids Some are impossible every time I have asked him to help take the kids appointments ect he says he will and then comes the day and he won’t show and this is every time! If i need help he tells me “I can’t keep putting my life on hold for you” while I gave up my job and my life to raise our children single handed.. he recently lost his job and has got a new one and informed me that his hour have yet again changed because he asked for weekends that fell on my weekends. I had recently applied for a job witch I told him fell on my weekends and I was restricted to days I could pay for child care as everywhere is fully booked so my weekends was the only time I could get the time. He told me “well you have to deal with it because I’m not losing my job” but because of me not being able to do the hour requested because of this change I lost my job. I feel as it’s unfair and controlling I really can’t take much more i left him because of domestics and was put in refugee it feels like a way to control my life and what I do so I’ll always be depended on him! And it’s not fair on me and my kids living life off of his shirt patterns when he doesn’t even seen my children 96hr a month I’m confused on what I can do

OP posts:
Fahdidahlia · 10/10/2024 06:24

Sadly, there is very little you can do. You can stick to exactly what the court order says and make the children available to him as per its wording but you cannot force him to pick them up and be a parent. I really empathise for you, you are in a really rotten situation.

AnotherDelphinium · 10/10/2024 09:50

Don’t rely on him at all. Assume he will never be there for childcare, or CMS given his inability to keep a job.

What does your court order grant him?

Joelin · 10/10/2024 10:48

Alternative weekends because he was struggling financially to stick to every weekend but was on supposed to be until he got back on his feet

OP posts:
notatinydancer · 10/10/2024 13:38

It's shit. You have to organise it as if he's not in the picture. I had one like this.

ahemfem · 10/10/2024 13:39

When it comes to organising your time and work act as if he is dead. Then make the kids available at the agreed time and the agreed time only.

theeyeofdoe · 10/10/2024 21:43

You tell him that you’ll put a full CMS payment request in.
sounds as if they’re with you all the time anyway.
if he sticks to his weekends you won’t.

Joelin · 10/10/2024 23:06

I have. I’ve literally had enough and got intouch with child maintenance as I was allowing him to pay less for the children and I’ve been in contact with my solicitor today who is writing a letter to him and his solicitor about the court order hoping this will give him the kick up the back area he so rightfully deserve

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