Miam

[Ladylollycat]

Hi all, any advice greatfully received. My ex partner has seen a solicitor re access to see the children and as a result I have a miam mediation session booked this Friday. I’m really worried as he still has alcohol and anger issues and the relationship was violent. He has two convictions for assaulting me. The relationship ended 13 years ago and my children are 15 and 13. I’ve agreed to the miam as I have been advised that this looks better if the matter goes to court but I am anxious about what to say. I feel conflicted as I do not feel that the children are safe in his care but I do know that my eldest would like to see his father and I don’t want to project my fears into him. But I am so worried, he texts abusive messages and he has been texting the children at 3-4am when he is drunk. He has told them about mediation which I am not sure he should have and I am of the opinion he has not told the mediator about his convictions. I have read that at the miam I can still say I do not want mediation but will that make things worse? I asked the children on their thoughts and the eldest has said for a few hours once every 2 weeks and he does not want to stay overnight. But is this enough? Also I have kept our address secret from my ex for all this time and I am terrified of him finding my real address out as he has broken into my old property in the past. Please can anyone help?

You can refuse MIAM on grounds of domestic violence or you can request shuttle mediation where the mediator “shuttles” you and your ex so you don’t have to deal with your ex directly.

At 15 and 13, it’s not really up to you or your ex. If the 15 year old wants to see him for a couple of hours and no overnights, that is up to the 15 year old. No court is going to force a 15 year old to see a parent. I would point that out to him and make it clear that this is what your DC wants and it is their decision.

The court will not give him your address if you fill in the form to tell them not to let him know.

Thankyou, I’ll let the mediation know what dc has said. Will the mediator consider it a safeguarding issue? I know that in the past he agreed to see them with his mother present which did make me feel a bit more at ease? I’m trying to be as neutral as I can be but I feel like he’s just finding another way to have control over me and I know that after 13 years it sounds pathetic but the whole thing has sent my anxiety through the roof.