Inappropriate & Unsupervised internet use

[SeeSawe]

I am currently stressed beyond belief. My dds go to their Dads house on Saturdays to Sunday. My 15yr old checked my 12yr olds tablet that is kept in her Fathers. She found inappropriate apps & snapchat on her tablet. The snapchat account was set up by 12yr old and she has been sending photos to random boys. The photos are someone that she has found on the internet that is way older and the images are very sexual. I emailed her Father to check her tablet as I didn’t want to put my 15yr old in a horrendous situation. He has told me he has checked her tablet but he hasn’t, my older daughter has confirmed this. She does have her own tablet at home but any social media is forbidden. How can I protect my daughters safety?

By placing every device under parental controls. This means that you don't allow apps that are unsuitable and you control access times. So Dad needs to get this set up ASAP. He doesn't seem to understand the seriousness of this.

Meanwhile you need to sit down with her and have a very long conversation with her about this. She needs to understand what she's doing and this is child pornography and her images may be sent far and wide. That these people are committing crimes. She needs counselling and support, can you speak to school.

Just to add that this is sufficiently serious that you need to get this tablet and probably pass to the police. Forget asking him to check tablet just tell him the situation

Where are you getting the child pornography idea from?!

She is 12 years old and she has sent sexual images to someone much older. This other person, presumably a man, therefore is guilty of child pornography.
Sorry edited to add that I assume these are photos of herself? If that's not true then I'm wrong sorry

OP says that the photos her daughter has sent are of a much older person she has found on the internet.

Have you talked to your 12-year-old about this? It seems you only have your 15-year-old daughter's word for what is happening. Are you sure she is telling the truth? It isn't possible to view Snapchat messages after the recipient has viewed them unless you have saved the message. By default, messages are not saved. I would therefore be somewhat suspicious of her story.

Assuming the story is true, the general rule is that you can't control how he parents your children, and he can't control how you do. However, if this is a safeguarding issue you can refer it to social services.

My 15yr old took photos of 12yr olds snapchat, the images are in her folder along with the inappropriate apps. The conversations are asking for nude photos and when one of the boys/men asked her age has said she is 16. I cannot see what she sent or received as you are right once they are opened they cannot be reopened.

This is the problem he won’t give me the tablet, it’s an absolute nightmare. i really don’t know where to go from here

Ok, so it is true.

In your situation I would consider referring this to social services. If there is no CAO in place, you can stop contact with your ex until he takes this seriously and sorts it out. If there is a CAO in place and you want to get it altered, you should consult a solicitor who will be able to tell you your chances of success with the evidence you've got.

Report to safeguarding leader at the children's school for further advice or follow up. Really concerning.

They are photos of someone from the internet, I have asked her if she has snapchat has said no. The account seems to be only open with a month judging by streak score. I did speak to her a few mouthpieces about an app she tried to download on her tablet here which is subsequently one of the apps the downloaded on her tablet i. her Gathers. I thought that she understood the dangers and repercussions of this behavior but she has completely ignored me.

Unfortunatly he is not the type of Father that will listen to anyone in fact will do complete opposite. It is hard to confront her when I don’t have the tablet as I know she will lie.

Thank you@Whyherewego for clarifying as it is pictures of someone that weirdly amd potentially could pool like my dd in 10yrs time

There is a CAO in place, in fact I also have an SO against him. Should I go to solicitor or child services. I have 5 days to sort this before she goes to her Fathers again & I don’t know what images/conversations may have taken place on snapchat over the weekend.

I would also just like to mention that I don’t want to say that it was my 15yr old that looked at her tablet as I know that her sister will not go to her if she ever needed to talk about anything.

Why aren't there safeguarding controls on her phone/iPad and why wasn't her internet use being regularly monitored? The internet is a cess pit full of predators and porn.

You can set up safeguarding on your WI-FI which will block anything you don't want her to look at and you can download apps that control her internet use. Plus you should regularly check her phone.

If you download the apps and get your 15 year old to check her phone while she's at her dad's, hopefully she'll be ok. Instagram deletes messages so you can't check what she's been doing. It along with other social media needs to be deleted.

I have all the safeguards in place in my home, however this is when she is using the tablet her father provides to her for use in his home only. The issue is that this is taking place at the weekends during his access time, in his house. He has emailed saying that he has checked the tablet and she does not have any social media apps or inappropriate apps downloaded.

She does not have a phone, as I dont allow it until 14th birthday.

Ask your 15 year old to download a safeguarding app onto the iPad and regularly monitor her use. If your ex won't do anything, that's all I can suggest.

I realise your ex is awful but surely he'd realise how serious this is? They've asked for further images and although she has now sent some images of another person, she is being groomed. I'm sorry to say. This is exactly how grooming starts, gradually building up to her sending her own pics.
I am sure your school will have support, can you speak to the safeguarding team at school for advice on how to deal with this?
If you don't want to get the 15 Yr old into trouble then can you try somehow to out the existence of Snapchat somehow? So for example, does she have a friend on it? You could confront your 12 dd and tell her that you've heard from other mums that she is on Snapchat? And see if she admits it that way? Once she's admitted it then you can get the ex to hand over the device. But get advice from the safeguarding team either way. A friend of mine had a DS groomed like this and he ended up sharing images and almost was suicidal afterwards. Awful situation

@Whyherewego, I think I will go with the “friends mum” as she has two other actual friends on it.

As for her father, he would selfishly not admit that he messed up. He would rather lie or just not bother to check so he would have to admit to him self that he is a very poor parent.

Your advice has been really helpful, thank you so much

Good luck OP. Really challenging to navigate with an uncooperative ex.